How do you handle the heat in summer?
It is starting to get warm here. Yesterday the house was miserable and I found it very hard to work. I turned on the air conditioning last evening for an hour, but not without a major discussion of how I was living off my mother and spending all her money. It is going to be warmer today. When I mentioned AC to my mother, the whole thing started again.
My mother's bank account has grown since I've been living here, mainly because I'm frugal with her money while I am personally beginning to struggle financially. I pay all of my own bills and buy food, but contributions are not heeded. Yes, I get tired of giving and giving and getting nothing but disrespect.
This morning I told my mother that I couldn't stay in a hot house, because I am not able to work. And if I didn't work, I couldn't earn a living. I told her I would be leaving if we were going to live life without AC.
I know I am not the only one with hot-house problems. I wondered how other people handle it. Right now I am sitting here sleeveless and in shorts, dreading the conversation coming up this afternoon. The bad thing about memory loss is you have to go through the same conversations over and over, because they don't sink in.
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I can't HEAR you, Mother. Here is your heating pad. Lalalala !!
xo
sorry jesse, i didnt totally jack your thread, it was about bullheadedness too.
You have to take care of yourself as well as your mom. Trying to work in all that heat is a medical danger (to both of you.) You cannot help your mom if you're suffering from heat stroke and/or exhaustion. I would point this out to her, and let her know that there really is no "choice" for her to make here, because the decision has already been made. If she doesn't like this, you could point out the alternative. which is for her to obtain (and pay for) someone else to come in and take care of her. It's likely she wouldn't be able to hang onto them very long if they're forced to endure a house that feels like an oven.
My mom is a lot like your mom, it's only her reasoning that may differ. She doesn't like me opening the windows in the house "Because,", she says, "outside air stinks!" (Yes, I have a mom who thinks fresh air is a horrible stench.) *sigh*
There are some areas where you learn to be flexible, but there are other areas where you have to put your foot down and take a firm stance on what you want to happen. If you aren't used to doing this, it can feel uncomfortable and disrespectful. But with some parents, it's the only way you can get them to hear you. I have to be the parent to my parent, and tough love is the only language she hears. If I don;t employ that, she will walk all over me. This is something you need to keep your health up so that you can take care of your mom. If she denies you that, she may as well cut off her own nose to spite her face,
Hope you can get through to her.
XO
PS: Get some unscented lotion, and a bottle of peppermint essential oil. If you can, pick up some lavender essential oil, too, Mix 2-3 drops of the peppermint oil with enough lotion to apply to your arms and legs. The peppermint oil is really good at making the skin feel cooler. A few drops of lavender oil help you relax more, also. This is something that I take with me everywhere I go. (Also, the peppermint/lavender mix helps when you have a headache and the aspirin hasn't kicked in. Apply it to your temples and hairline. Really helps.)
Temperature has been one of the worst problems I've dealt with since being here. My father used to like to keep things at 90. It was no problem in winter. I could just close off my and the rabbits' room to keep it livable. That doesn't work in summer, though. Up until this year, my mother also preferred to run the AC when it got warm, so we were able to keep it comfortable enough despite the wishes of my father.
This year my mother has decided she is cold all the time. I know it is a common problem for inactive older people. I could leave the house during the hottest part of the day, but I don't want my rabbits to have to face the heat. They won't do the ice bottle routine to stay cool. They want AC. Too much heat would stress and could kill them. Often I am afraid to leave the house when the weather is extreme. I'm afraid that I'll come back to cooked rabbits.
The peppermint oil sounds good. I wonder if I could rub some on the rabbits. I don't know if it would work through all that fur.
We have a very nice policeman come in once in awhile and make "notes" on my daughter's behavior for her "file" that is at the police station. There is no file but he is a real policeman. We live in a small town :0) We also "call" and report any behaviors that need to go into her "file" As did her behavioral therapist. She left herself a message on her machine. You do what you have to at times. Good luck.
Is moving a viable option for you? I know that you have put up with an ungodly amount of verbal abuse in order to do what you consider right for your mother. It sounds like you've learned a lot and grown much in regards to setting boundaries and protecting yourself. In fact, you rock! If you ever decide that the right thing to do now is to move out, and continue to help your mother from a (short) distance, know that you have lots of support here!
This is kind of crazy since the house has AC, but what about getting a window AC for the room you work in? And you could keep a thermometer prominently displayed in the kitchen. The rule is you don't cook when the kitchen is over X degrees. Stock the freezer with microwavable dinners.
My mother has been very sweet today. She apologized for yesterday, but it has gotten to not mean much -- like the abusive spouse that comes with flowers and apologies. I know the next bad time is not too far down the road.