I've been doing it all alone for years. Mom physically and mentally is going downhill. I've told my sister I need help, I've told her I'm overwhelmed.
Now I have had a physical setback and need help myself all the while still trying to do for my mom. She ignores the both of us and its breaking my mom's heart. We don't have any money for outside help. I can't even get my sister to just come visit, let alone help with anything mom needs.
Any suggestions? Extremely frustrated.
Are there any aunts, uncles, cousins, or friends you can reach out to?
When we were deciding whether or not to put my mom into a nursing facility, my siblings weren't willing or able to care for our mom. The only sibling willing to help lived overseas so he wasn't feasible.
However we were fortunate enough to afford a care facility. Are there any social programs that might be able to help?
In the end, when all is said and done, you will know you did all you could for your mother.
Sometimes people that cannot do actual care giving can be helpful doing other household tasks - like shopping, mowing the yard, getting the car serviced, picking up supplies you have ordered, etc. Can you ask your sister to do one of these tasks? Can you ask her for help straight out - no guilt trips? Express appreciation if she does help?
When I ask for help, I ask like I'm asking someone to do me a personal favor, I ask they do the favor on within their normal free time (unless it's something I really need now) - and I thank the person when that favor is granted.
As care givers we tend to focus on our charge's needs to the exclusion of much of the rest of the world. We're often tired and stressed out too. That combination makes it easy to start thinking our world is the world. Sometimes when we ask for help, we want it NOW - forgetting that others are living a different life and have their own commitments. Sometimes that makes a reasonable request seem unreasonable to someone living outside our care giving world.
Is your sister a good cook? Could you re-open communication in a more positive way by asking her to fix a meal? A casserole? A desert? Could your sister pick something up at a store for you? Please consider starting with some small request and telling her how much it helped when she does something. I find that the emotional "help" I get from someone doing some chore is often more helpful that the actual task.
God bless you.