My family has left me(F32) with my cousin (M55) who suffered a stroke and needs care 24/7. Incontinent, bed bound. He is an illegal undocumented man, has no rights, access, or money to get assistance. We (his social worker and I) are working to repatriate him but it's so slow with covid. He's destructive, always screaming, whistling, banging on the walls, doors, table. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. We're talking 2-5 in the AM.
He gets feces and smears them on the floor, wall and mattress. He gets out of bed several times a day, and then yanks everything he can reach to the floor. I have to clean that room otherwise it smells overwhelming. I think it's boredom, but it frays my nerves. Having to clean and clean and clean, and wash and then cook, and then pick him up from the floor.
To top it all, I've lost my home, I've lost my job, I've lost my freedom.
But what has staggered me most has been the absolute silence and abandonment from all my family members. I was close to all of them. I mean, CLOSE. Tight family unit. I never needed friends because I had my siblings and mom.
My mom has stated several times she cares about my cousin more than she ever will care me, and is only willing to come to visit HIM. She closes the door to his bedroom, stays an hour, and then sneaks out the door like a thief in the night. Two other siblings have plain said they were not going to lift a finger--let god judge them instead.
I don't understand. How do you deal with that?
Since you've lost your home, where are you living? Who owns the property at which you're staying?
There's another way beyond what lkdrymom suggests: call INS, inform them an illegal alien has been dumped on you and you can't, or do you want to be involved. I don't know the immigration laws well enough to know if harboring an illegal alien would put you in a position to be charged with a crime, but I wouldn't wait to find out.
And since you've lost your home, consider moving to another area to get away from the family and start your own life.
When you leave, report to the Social Worker involved (notify her now of your intention to leave by ____ date). If Social Worker is not responsive notify Adult Protective Services in your area of an "adult at risk" and notify the next of kin that you are gone.
The documented status is immaterial here and doesn't need to be mentioned to anyone you speak to.
The Social Workers and Adult Protective will contact other family members. If they do not respond then Social Services will allow the State to take temporary guardianship for placement.
This person has FOUR MORE DECADES of life; will you give up your own life in care of him? Because IF you will, then your family will allow that to happen. The mistake was in moving in. The only answer, it seems to me, is moving out. I am very sad for this person, laid so low in another country, by a stroke. But Social Services is already involved. If you step away they will do their job in assuring there is care.
A friend has been lending me her and her 10 yrs old son's space. It is embarrassing as you can imagine having her deal with this mess when she offered her home, warmth, AND food, and they have to hear screaming at night on top of it too.
My cousin was literally dumped by another family member. I have no ties to him except we're related. I'd have to research with the immigrations laws here in CO too. The embassy in Dallas has been SO slow in their responses. Thank you. again for the words.
I wish you success in your endeavors, especially in the next stage of your life.
Best wishes!