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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I have never felt so alone as I feel being here with my mother doing what I can for her. She is 99 years old and luckily or not for me (cause I'm 81)is still able to get around with her walker when she remembers to use it and not leave behind, which she doesn't appreciates being reminded that she needs to use her walker. I help her with her showers. Cook meals, do housekeeping and wash. No help from anyone. I live here with my mom in her home, my sister lives with her husband and has all her family here. My family is all out of state. My husband passed away going on 10 years and when my stepdad passed away , 5 years ago and would need someone here with her it maded sense that I could come and be here with her doing what I could but thinking everyone here would be helping with whatever they could but it didn't turn out that way. I mean I'm sure they would if I ask them to do something but on there own very few times have the offered "what can I do" I always feel like if I can still do things why bother them with it, so a lot of it's my fault I guess I just wish the offers came from them They are all busy and living life with their mostly adult children all going to school, college and working. They come around when they have free time to visit and offer to bring lunch or dinner. Which we very rarely take them up on it since we most of the time have just eaten or my mom is very picky with what she eats. Anyway sometimes my mom comes up or says crazy stuff it's embarrassing and I try to tell them to take what she says with a grain of salt. Either way I mostly feel damn if I do damn if don't. Can't win for losing. Maybe family feels the same way. I just feel so left out but then again all they can talk about is what's interesting to them and what's happening in their lives. So just i try to handle one day at a time and pray to God to gives me strength to do what I can within my power. And to do and say the right thing😔
I didn't read anything others said, so I may be repeating others.
You do what's best for you. So it's walking, music, meditation or a combo of a lot of things
For me what helps the most is talking to myself.
Sayings I put in my head. Like, let go let God. Or when I leave moms, and I'm upset and don't want to bring it home. I repeat, I'm free, I'm free, in other words I'm not with mom, and I give myself permission to be happy, leave it at moms
This has really seemed to help me the most.
Someone my send me to the funny farm if the hear me yelling, I'm free, but oh well. Reminds me of the beginning of the Mary Tyler More show, when she throws her hat in the air.
I have mom in hospice care here at her home. I do a "talk therapy" with the voice recorder on my smartphone where I unload my struggles out loud and encourage myself with the Lord's help. I listen, then delete later. Control is an illusion so yeah, it's a reminder to slow down. I'm not a robot!
😢 a lot, address what I can and ignored what I can't do anything about or make the best of the situation. I agree to most all of what my mom (99 years old) says because in her mind what she says is how she remembers things and I am not going to try and convince her that she doesn't remember things correctly. It's very hard. I lived and do things one day at a time.
Lean to forgive yourself for the plethora of mistakes you will make. Try to remember how they were before because it puts the current situation into a clearer perspective. It’s only poop.
Get all the help you can get. Anything. Whatever someone offers- say yes I could use that help. There is home medical that is paid for by medicare so you don’t have to transport. Get an aid if you have the insurance or can afford it. Make meals easy and quick. Hire house keeper if you can afford. If not maybe a teen helper. Don’t worry about parent sleeping a lot or watching tv. Vary entertainment for yourself. Music…try all kinds…Irish hymns and slow jazz played on my “echo” or special tv shows or the old shows. Open windows and let in sun and air. Put lots of flowers around if you like that. Pull out a hobby you enjoy..I read, write, knit, sew, and paint. Don’t worry about wearing older clothes around house. If people come over you are cleaning, painting, doing stuff. I wear an apron all day so my clothes don’t get stained. I put my MIL to bed by 10:00 because that is MY limit. I am out a late night person and i nap every day. I have a husband who shares chores,….not cooking but vacuuming, laundry, trash, dishes. He also stays 4 days a week so i can attend exercise classes, swim, and walk. I have a friend who comes one day a week over lunch so I can go out even if I do alone and not to do chores but to sit and eat quietly whatever I want. Taking care of a loved one involves taking care of yourself.
GET SUPPORT / HELP - hire caregivers - contact volunteer organizations (and churches, neighbors, networks) - If you can, hire an ind medical social worker - Family (if you can) - If parent is in a facility, talk to social worker, administrator - get support wherever you can find it. (Befriend aids ... they are overworked and you creating a good relationship with them will help them help your parent).
SELF CARE - Do not 'eat' your feelings in (or not eat). Eat healthy as you can. - Get enough sleep (as you can); take naps (as you can) - Meditate (try Rick Hanson Zoom Wed 6pm) or others - Exercise (yoga to swimming to walking). - Be kind to yourself. Do not judge how you feel. - Consider a short-term therapist to hel you cope w guilt, grief, frustration - GET RESPITES (you need to incorporate them in to keep going) - Tell your friends that LISTENING will help you (not advice giving ... unless you want that). - Release all your feelings (in a safe place) - could be a friend, spouse, journal, spiritual guide.
ORGANZE - Create a 'to do list' - for you and others that may help out / caregivers Writing all the needs out for possible caregivers will save you lots of time in going over the same things over and over again; plus it is a way to assess what is done/what needs to be done.
- Make copies of everything you do. Keep in tabbed binders (after 1-1/2 years, I am just now tossing lots of papers)
- Keep journals: 1) one for you 2) one documenting changes in your loved one (can be helpful in talking to medical providers
RESEARCH CARE FACILITIES - If needed in the future. - Be as prepared as possible for the unexpected
There's only one way, take care of yourself first. You're no help to anyone if you're not healthy. The majority of caregivers suffer more than people they care for and balancing life/work can be very stressful, not to mention, add in siblings and handling the financial accounts of yours and the parents and it's pure insanity! So overwhelming!! Stop,breathe! Go out for a drive and scream bloody hell and regroup. You're in control and you're not, it's a no win situation. Don't think that family should be there, accept any help you can get. I remember having burn out and crying to my brother, almost on the verge of a nervous breakdown with no compassion from him. He thought I was overreacting? No,I was realizing my mother was no longer my mother. It was easy for them, they got to be the children and get mom's love. I became the parent and had to be responsible. It's a tough job Bladee,be good to yourself!
Accepting the situation is key. We have become caregivers. We all want our parents here, but we want them to be healthy and independent, not frail and dependent. But here we all are.
Do what you can to stay healthy yourself, which can be a challenge with all of the demands and stress involved in caregiving.
Let go of the pursuit of perfection. Give yourself grace that you're doing the best that you can.
You can't stop someone from aging and dying. All you can do is make their journey as comfortable as possible.
I'm my 97 year old mother's sole caregiver and it's been a monumental calling. Without hesitation I know that I will never be the same after this journey has ended.
Well said. Lost my mom in July and it is not the same. I think when we become caregiver to our parents, the bond strengthens and when we lose them it's a double heartache. We cared for them along with being a daughter and the love between us grows stronger. We hurt more because of the love they showed us and we showed them.
You must have breaks look at all avenues where you can get a break/someone take over ensure you are eating as healthy as possible cut out fast foods/junk foods/sugar/alcohol and sleep where possible or just rest whenever u can good luck it isn’t easy to create a timetable for you as well but essential
Know that if they have physical problems it will be harder for them to clean the house, stand to brush their teeth, stand to shower. They will not tell you everything or deny everything. They will not answer your questions do you hurt? what is this? who was that? where is this? who called? However they will answer the phone call and tell them anything whats your ss number, your insurance company, who is home with you, are you alone etc. When your elder is doing this they need to be watched 24/7/365. They know they are the parent and will not do what you want them to do. They will resist so you need to "con" them into what you want them to do. You will also need someone to assist you. Call their insurance and get some info in getting someone to bathe them or do simple chores.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You do what's best for you. So it's walking, music, meditation or a combo of a lot of things
For me what helps the most is talking to myself.
Sayings I put in my head. Like, let go let God. Or when I leave moms, and I'm upset and don't want to bring it home. I repeat, I'm free, I'm free, in other words I'm not with mom, and I give myself permission to be happy, leave it at moms
This has really seemed to help me the most.
Someone my send me to the funny farm if the hear me yelling, I'm free, but oh well. Reminds me of the beginning of the Mary Tyler More show, when she throws her hat in the air.
It's very hard. I lived and do things one day at a time.
Try to remember how they were before because it puts the current situation into a clearer perspective.
It’s only poop.
GET SUPPORT / HELP
- hire caregivers
- contact volunteer organizations (and churches, neighbors, networks)
- If you can, hire an ind medical social worker
- Family (if you can)
- If parent is in a facility, talk to social worker, administrator - get support wherever you can find it. (Befriend aids ... they are overworked and you creating a good relationship with them will help them help your parent).
SELF CARE
- Do not 'eat' your feelings in (or not eat). Eat healthy as you can.
- Get enough sleep (as you can); take naps (as you can)
- Meditate (try Rick Hanson Zoom Wed 6pm) or others
- Exercise (yoga to swimming to walking).
- Be kind to yourself. Do not judge how you feel.
- Consider a short-term therapist to hel you cope w guilt, grief, frustration
- GET RESPITES (you need to incorporate them in to keep going)
- Tell your friends that LISTENING will help you (not advice giving ... unless you want that).
- Release all your feelings (in a safe place) - could be a friend, spouse, journal, spiritual guide.
ORGANZE
- Create a 'to do list' - for you and others that may help out / caregivers
Writing all the needs out for possible caregivers will save you lots of time in going over the same things over and over again; plus it is a way to assess what is done/what needs to be done.
- Make copies of everything you do. Keep in tabbed binders (after 1-1/2 years, I am just now tossing lots of papers)
- Keep journals:
1) one for you
2) one documenting changes in your loved one (can be helpful in talking to medical providers
RESEARCH CARE FACILITIES
- If needed in the future.
- Be as prepared as possible for the unexpected
KEEP COMING BACK HERE AS NEEDED
Gena / Touch Matters
Accepting the situation is key. We have become caregivers.
We all want our parents here, but we want them to be healthy and independent, not frail and dependent. But here we all are.
Do what you can to stay healthy yourself, which can be a challenge with all of the demands and stress involved in caregiving.
Let go of the pursuit of perfection. Give yourself grace that you're doing the best that you can.
You can't stop someone from aging and dying. All you can do is make their journey as comfortable as possible.
I'm my 97 year old mother's sole caregiver and it's been a monumental calling. Without hesitation I know that I will never be the same after this journey has ended.
Peace to all.
look at all avenues where you can get a break/someone take over
ensure you are eating as healthy as possible
cut out fast foods/junk foods/sugar/alcohol
and sleep where possible or just rest whenever u can
good luck
it isn’t easy to create a timetable for you as well but essential
When your elder is doing this they need to be watched 24/7/365. They know they are the parent and will not do what you want them to do. They will resist so you need to "con" them into what you want them to do. You will also need someone to assist you. Call their insurance and get some info in getting someone to bathe them or do simple chores.