My husband's personality has been changing -- CONSTANT temper tantrums (yelling and cursing) over next to nothing. He also cannot remember things that he has known for years, or has been told repeatedly. He gets angry over ridiculous things that he imagines (like me going into his medicine cabinet and stealing his toothbrush, and putting another one in its place -- Huh???).
He is only 73, but has had Type 2 diabetes for years. His mother, who was also a Type 2 Diabetic, eventually died of Alzheimer's. No one realized the state of her mind until she was hospitalized for something else, and they had to go into the family financial records she managed to try to put together the tax return. Invoices were paid YEARS into the future (every time she would receive a statement acknowledging a payment, she would pay it again); a tenant who had not paid rent for 1 1/2 years; no record (or any idea) of who was living in some of her rentals - and many other examples.
Anyway, that is probably WAY too much information -- But I am frightened. If it is dementia, maybe earlier medical intervention will help? Or maybe he is just becoming grumpy as he ages, and these things are normal? I just do not know what to do.
First, your concerns are valid.
Second, don't try to convince him that he needs assessed. He won't believe you, and amping his emotions up around this issue will make things harder. You just need to get him to the doctor's for a routine 'checkup', and let the doctor take it from there. Don't discuss your concerns with him. Part of the disease can make it so that the person is oblivious to their losses (anosognosia). If you try to disagree with his 'reality' he'll get angy (That's what's happening with the toothbrush-he doesn't recognize the current one as his because his short term memory isn't working. So the story that makes sense to him is that you replaced it.) Just agree with him as much as you can and try to divert his attention if you can't. Do NOT try to reason, argue, or explain your decisions.
This really helped me understand the changes my mom was going through (you'll have to paste the address here into your browser's search window): http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf
It's important to have him assessed by his physician, who will rule out other causes (thyroid, depression, low vitamin D, a UTI) and who may refer him to a specialist for further assessment. You'll have to let the provider know your concerns in advance. Many people give the office a heads up about the reason for the visit when scheduling it, and then slip a note for the provider to the staff at check in that details the behavior you see. It's ok to tell 'fiblets' to get him to the doctor's office-I told my mom that it was for her Medicare wellness check.
I do recommend that you also head over to the Alzheimer's forums as well, and utilize the resources there as needed. There is an excellent 'spouse' forum over there, and you will see that others are in the same boat. There are a wide range of folks, with great advice.
Here's the link: https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx
This is a site that lists the changes seen in Alzheimer's disease, which is just one of many types of dementia. Still, it might help you identify some additional changes you see: https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/
Legally: It might be a good time to talk to a certified elder care attorney about future plans, power-of -attorney for your husband, finances, medicare/medicaid, advanced directives for healthcare. If you don't have arrangements for yourself set up as well, (for instance, if this is dementia, and something incapacitates you, who will help your husband) now is a good time to do those too.
I like these videos as well:
Early signs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqmqC-702Yg
Losses besides memory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awBm4S9NwJ0
Anosognosia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nw3YUDQJuY
Stage 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIkTO4d8YyI
Stage 4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coiZbpyvTNg
Best wishes,
Your best bet is to send a message to your husbands neurologist via the patient portal sharing what exactly your concerns are about your husband, and that way when you take him in for his appt. his Dr. will be well aware of what's going on, and will ask your husband the appropriate questions and order the necessary tests.
I had to do that with my husband several years back, and it worked out really well because he didn't know that I had contacted his Dr. prior to him going.
This is hard I know, but you really need to know what exactly you're dealing with as it will make it easier for you to plan for yours and your husbands future.
If you're not already his POA for both medical and durable, do that ASAP, because once he's diagnosed with any of the dementias he can no longer legally appoint anyone to be his POA's. Make sure that he also has his wishes notated in a living will and any health directives too, as that will make any decisions down the road that you'll have to make on his behalf a little easier, knowing that you're honoring his wishes.
I wish you the very best as you travel this road with your husband.
Firstly, support for yourself?Are there adult kids, a close friend you can confide in, not for medical advice, just to keep your own boat afloat?
Secondly, medical opinion & tests (as mentioned by the wise folk already). The old 'check-up' routine. Doctor has called & wants to see him for *diabetes check/renew prescriptions/new blood tests for chol* whatever works. Pre-warn Doc as mentioned.
Diabetes. I believe it is linked to kidney function. This should be looked into. Kidney function being 'off' may cause confusion & anger.
For markedly new symptoms a thorough medical will rule all other causes, never just state 'age-related decline' or Alzheimer's Disease. Never accept an Alz dx without a Neurologist input.
I have read many times people throwing those terms around. If incorrectly - maybe this causes a missed opportunity to locate the actual problem? Something that could be treatable.
Best of luck getting the info you need. Then you can chart the course required.
if it’s dementia there’s some meds that may improve behaviour and anxiety .. slow it down
for awhile … but there’s nothing that will stop the progression or reverse it. He’s obviously frightened and confused cause he knows there’s something wrong with his brain…and that would cause anyone to lash out especially if they’ve always been
in charge and in control.
good luck with it all .. truly a nightmare journey
One step at a time and the less you panic, the calmer and matter-a-fact you can be about it all the better for both of you. Good luck
I know this is an added stress for you now, but see if you can just accomplish it before it gets later. God bless you, and hang in there.
Here is another one:
Never shame someone experiencing the symptoms you are describing.
It's lack of insight. The brain becomes a little faulty in parts & cannot understand.
I think of denial like if I don't turn the light on in the bathroom at night, there won't be any spiders.
Lack of insight is like walking right past the spider & seeing it but not being able to recognise it, understand it or remember you just saw
a spider.
Do check if he is doing the Yahoo binging where he is getting a constant feed of social media rage. Get out and do whatever you can to remove yourself from that. Know that covid is having an affect on all of us.
Be honest with your husband. Tell him that you would like you both to have a baseline exam to put to rest any fears that there could be some vascular changes and etc. If he will not agree you basically have choices whether to stay or to go, sadly enough.
Meanwhile who handles the finances? What is already in place. DPOA for financial and medical? Will, and etc. What have you been doing as you age in place, what have you spoken about regarding the aging process, the history and the problems that may come along?
If you are medical POA you can write your husband's doctor of your fears. He may not feel free to discuss with you, but he may address with husband, and get back to you.
Meanwhile, do start a diary for YOURSELF, so you can more accurately assess what you are seeing and when.
This is happening to my husband:
" he is getting a constant feed of social media rage".
It has changed him.