We bought a house with my mil 4 years ago so we could all save money and so she could concentrate on her health and so we could all split bills and utilities and save some money. She never wound up doing anything about her health and is now at the point where she was so unhappy with her job and so physically unhealthy she decided to take early retirement and was going to quit her job after her benifits started. This past week she walked off the job so now she has no income, her benifits are on hold because she needs immigration paperwork. She told us she can still pay her part of the bills that she has some saving I am having a hard time believing her because we have no real idea what she really has when we asked in the past she said it wasnt our business so I don't trust she is being honest. I guess I am looking for some advice it is really affecting my mental health. I know we need to talk to her about our concerns but those kind of conversations in the past haven't gone well at all.
This is your husband's mom, yes?
What does he think about this?
On the face of it, buying property with someone who won't disclose their financials to you seems unwise.
That's not to say that any money will come your way if none is available, although your MIL would have some equity in the property (assuming "we bought a house with my MIL" is what it says) which would act as security to draw against (on paper at least) until benefits start arriving.
Keep a ledger starting with her purchase contribution to the property (also include value of any furniture and personal items) and deduct shared expenses accordingly. As long as you can meet repayments/bills, then things should sort themselves out in the interim.
The tricky thing is accepting the family connection/obligation that may leave you making do without ever being reimbursed by the signatory, but you will have an account of expenses to claim as per the original agreement.
It does sound particularly secretive and I wonder why even her son is not privy to disclosure of financial situation... or is this only being kept from you? Immigration issues only seem to muddy the waters even more.
MIL's capacity to meet her obligations is absolutely your business as you are now partners in the property and share the risk of protecting your interests.
Get it in writing (meticulously worded) and you can rest easier.
The process might also put pressure on her to provide information about her true situation and intentions. I hate to say it, but this whole exercise might possibly have been a way to force you and DH to care for her indefinitely in ‘her own home’. 'They'll never get me out now'. Is she that clever?
Her being brought into the Country by her Mom when little does not make her a citizen. Her Mom had to file for residency to be here legally. If Mom has no proof of citizenship and no Green Card sounds to me she is here illegally. As such, she is nor entitled to any US benefits. Has she ever been out of the Country. If so, she needed a passport to travel overseas. (Canada just started needing a passport not sure about Mexico) The passport will prove citizenship. Either for the US or for her Country of origin. My MIL lived here 60 yrs but was still a subject of the Royal Crown.7
You say you are co-signers? I know how buying a car works in my state. My husband was a co-signer for our daughter. But in our state its now co-owner. The title is in my DHs name but my daughter got credit for the payments. So how does the house work? Are you all on the deed? Who gets credit for the monthly payments.
I know at the time you did this it sounded workable but look what happened. I personally would never move in with someone who had already shown she could not take care of anything and was a slob.
I agree, you may need to consult with a lawyer to protect what you have already put into the house. You may just need to move out and leave Mom to her own devices.
Mom taking you. Unless you need that money, I'd let it go bit would make sure you don't get taken again.
If I'm understanding correctly -- nothing has actually happened yet:? She hasn't stopped paying her share of things?
I suggest that your husband be the one to deal with her, even if you have a strong relationship between her and you. Otherwise you'll just become the "bad guy" (if you aren't already).
It's her business if she quits her job. And her finances aren't any of your business as long as she's meeting the financial obligation she agreed to (and hopefully this is in writing). Once she actually stops paying her share then your husband can talk about what needs to happen going forward.
If she has worked in the US and has been paying into SS she should have no problem getting it. Has nothing to do with her not being a citizen. We have people coming across the Mexican and Canadian boarders to work in the US. If they have paid into SS, they can collect.
My MiL lived here for at least 40 yrs when she started collecting SS and I don't remember her saying she had a problem then or after my FIL died getting benefits. She had a greencard.