She was in a memory care unit at her retirement community and was able to have her cats. She was there 2 months and fell twice. The second time she broke her hip. She had just broken her other hip 6 months ago. She is considered a fall risk and is now in a nursing home with continuous nursing care. She is obsessed with her cats and is getting very angry and wants them back with her. She cannot have them in the nursing home. How do I tell her she can’t have them with her anymore? She is so angry and doesn’t understand why she can’t have them anymore. She is confused about everything and says she did not break her hip and is perfectly fine. She is fixated on her cats and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions how to gently tell her she cannot have them anymore? Please help.
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You daon't say where her cats are now. Maybe it might console her if you took some video of her cats being cared for and looking well. I'd try that first. You can tell her that her doctor needs to approve her going back to MC when she can walk again. Yes, this is a fib: it's called a therapeutic fib and *may* calm her for the time being. If she isn't on any meds for anxiety, agitation, depression this probably now needs to be considered. It's also possible she has developed a UTI which may explain her extra agitation. Consider requesting she get checked for this since antibiotics will clear it up and it may improve her state of mind.
If you are advocating for your Aunt, you may want to consider watching some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube so that you have a better understand of dementia and memory loss. I learned a lot of good strategies to interact with my compromised LOs so that our time together is more peaceful and productive.
But it is a permanent loss and no one has any control over it or any choice in it. You simply tell her they are too severe a danger now both for her and for them, that your mourn this and know she will, that you understand her tears and her rage. It is difficult to stand witness to these sad and terrible losses of mental and physical capability, and lastly of choice. It is quite terrible.
However you did not cause these losses.
And these losses cannot be fixed.
They are facts. Sad facts. Mourn with her, and allow her rage and mourning. If all these losses aren't worth grieving then what exactly IS?
That way everyone will be happy.
And it doesn't matter that your aunt is "fixated" on her cats as the rules are the rules. Hopefully her facility is one that will allow her cats to come visit.