My 74 year old mothere survived a stroke and the day of discharge from the hospital. She was in total agreement to go to a facility for rehabilitation. 2 days after she was there, she refused all her meds. And all food and water, now she is going Downhill. They brought her back to the hospital.But they are saying they can't find out why she won't eat or take her pills.She just keeps telling me she wants us to let her go. They have done so many tests and can't figure out why she won't eat or drink or take meds. I feel like she has given up my sister says they are missing something. Yesterday my mom got so upset with me for trying to talk with her and try to get her to take the meds, she shook her fists and tried screaming without any sound the nurse had to calm her down and she went back to sleep. I feel I upset her more should I just let it be. We also have no idea what her wishes are or if she has a will. My sister lives with her and does not even know how to keep up her bills and mortgage we are at such a loss. And no we do not have any POA she refuses that.
What meds is/was your Mom on?
If she's not taking them, what are possible side effects?
I suggest that a family member or friend visit every day. My Mom, 96, is afraid that she will be forgotten and left alone.
Is your Mom participating in PT/OT/SPEECH? Perhaps one of these specialist can encourage your Mom to drink/eat.
Is she on thickened liquids? My Mom hated this, but did like thickened cranberry juice and ice cream and some soups. Otherwise, she refused. She was always thirsty. I was able to get the slp to allow small sips of water.
This is a scary and lonely time for your Mom. Can she speak? How can she communicate?
My Mom loved to go outside in a wheelchair.
What really helped my Mom was a wonderful and helpful physical therapist and speech pathologist who helped feed Mom every morning. We helped feed her at lunch and dinner.
Best wishes. I am 76 and think 74 is too young to give up, but I don't know all the facts.
While she is away from home, check her desk or filing cabinet with the person who lives with her, to see if you can find necessary papers for which you are looking.
If your mom is cognizant, and as she makes progress or even if she gets worse, gently ask a question or two each time you see her to find out what you need to know. Do not bombard here. Most importantly, keep her involved in daily information about the family, discuss what meals she would like when she comes home, bring her a treat from home, if allowed. Good luck. Do not give up on your mom. ]
Ask the doctor for a referral to hospice/palliative care and psychiatry. Seems your mother does not wish to live with her current ability issues. A psychiatrist can evaluate her mental health and treat for depression, anxiety, agitation... Hospice/palliative care can advise you and your family about options to maximize mom's enjoyment of the life she has without the burden of extending her life or curing disease.
(Getting ER doctors, hospital staff, and families to respect your written directives is an issue for another thread.)
Alittle different but , my friend’s father was too scared to have lifesaving cardiac bypass surgery , he chose an earlier natural death .
If she doesn’t really want to die, this will call her bluff. If she does want to die, it would be a real help for you if she first gives you the information you need.
"...she shook her fists and tried screaming without any sound".
Your Mother is communicating with her words & her gestures.
What do you think your Mother is saying & showing you?
It is sad that at the young age of 74 that she seems to have thrown in the towel and is refusing to fight to get some of what she's lost from the stroke back.
You can't make anyone fight if they don't want to, so perhaps it's best that you call in hospice now, so at least she will be kept comfortable and pain free until she passes.
And maybe by calling in hospice that may just be the wake up call your mother needs to decide if she really wants to die or if she wants to decide to fight.
It's her choice.
Maybe she feels it is too hard to do PT .
Have you asked her what she wants ?
I agree with Grandma 1954 , it’s up to Mom to try to get better or not .
My Mom worked very hard after her stroke to walk again, she did and went home . But I think if she had been already widowed before the stroke she may have just given up .
Does she want Hospice? If so find a Hospice in your area and have her evaluated/
If mom wants to live and get better she has to start taking her medications and do what the doctors want her to do.
This is HER choice. That is how you support her...
If she isn’t taking her meds they won’t work . As it is it can take a month for antidepressants to kick in .