I’ll be purchasing a home soon and be moving my parents in with me. Their house is old and they can no longer keep up maintenance etc with it. I’m not the only child, but them moving in with me is about the only option. They’re on a really limited budget and cannot afford to fix their old place nor can they afford rent somewhere. I have a BSN and vowed I would care for them. There will be adequate room, as I am single...but my dad is an absolute pack rat. Borderline hoarder could be said! How do I tell this man that I love and deeply respect that he is welcome in my home, just not with all the junk??! He’s really touchy about the subject too! My mom asked me to help him get something out of the storage shed and I was horrified by the amount of stuff in there! That’s not all of it either! Their house is cluttered with plastic storage tubs of miscellaneous useless crap. My mom is embarrassed by it all and she knows how I feel about the junk. I’m almost a minimalist! Clutter freaks me out! Help!!
He'd pick up junk on the street or sidewalk. Anything thrown out by other tenants, he grabbed and brought home.
(Me) "Why do you want that old broken coffee pot?"
(Dad, "Oh, I'm going to FIX it". It the wound up in the "broken electronic graveyard" in the corner of the living room. Always a project for another day.
Is your father mobile? Can he still drive?
If so, I'll guarantee that "good" items will cross your threshold. They probably will be stored where you wouldn't look.....until all that space gets full. Bugs may also be coming in on the things he brings in. How horrible for your new house.
I'm sure there is research out there with the statistics on how often horders, who have completed treatment, have relapsed. It's an addiction, like being addicted to anything else.
Please reconsider. Have a heart to heart talk with your dad. You'll see he won't give up any of these "treasures". That may change your mind.
Your father will not change, just as mine will not.
Mine also cannot pass up a good deal, even if he has multiples of the item. He also hoards food such as canned goods and bags of powdered milk. He is 89, we could stock his tomb for eternity.
100% defensive and belligerent, if any discussion is attempted.
Oh, and two things make this trait worse: #1) Age #2) Dementia
Forget the “come to Jesus” convo. Forget making an offer of “you can bring only XXX much of your stash.”
As some others above have suggested, please consider looking into low-income senior housing (or such) for your folks.
You went to college so you could support yourself. Not your family.
Don’t let your parents guilt you. They’ve had decades to figure out how to be a tad more resourceful. And don’t let your siblings hide behind “She’s single and she’s the nurse in the family.”
Your health and sanity matter, too. Don’t “good girl” yourself into early disability or an early grave. (It happens.)
Who has your parents Durable POA? Moving your parents in with you is NOT the only option! The other people have given you some good options.
You stated "I’m almost a minimalist! Clutter freaks me out!" Have you watched the TV show "Hoarders"? That is how YOUR HOUSE is going to look in a couple of years. You will NOT be able to control the clutter that your Dad brings into the house. He has a mental disease and needs professional help.
You really need to STOP BEING A NURSE and BE A DAUGHTER! I have been told that many times and I wish that I had listened to them. I think that my Mom and I would have still lived together, but I think that there are some things that I would have done differently. Since 2017, my Mom has been in a nursing home and I am still living in the house we shared. My health has been compromised and I can't do a lot of the activities that I used to do even one year ago. Please listen to our advice and reconsider living with your parents. I am afraid that you are going to live to regret it.
Your father is mentally ill with the disorder of hoarding. It can be treated but the person has to want treatment. If your dad won't even talk about the subject without getting irritated ("touchy"), I doubt that he will be interested in treatment/changing.
Unless you won't mind constantly fighting with your dad about his problem AND finding junk around your new home, I'd suggest that you abort this idea of moving them in with you.
I would NOT buy the big home, I'd take what they can get from the sale of their home and get them into a nice senior apartment. The money they get from the house can supplement their meager income. They might even qualify for Section 8 or low income assistance.
I would refuse to haul all the junk with them to the new apartment. If he wants to pay for it being moved, he can.
Research hoarding disorder. As a minimalist, you will loose your mind within a month living with him. He's not going to change.