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He's functional, but not able to fully comprehend the credit card monthly bills and apparently ignored a fraud warning on one of them.
I have to make a detailed list of whatever he needs to shop for - and his response is that "I'm bossing him around".
I have to tell him what to wear around the house so that he won't destroy his "good" clothing while doing dirty jobs. Then he gets mad at me.
I'm so tired of undoing his mistakes and I don't have time to take care of the things I need to do.
He won't talk to his Dr. He won't go for a brain scan or any neurological testing. He won't go for a hearing test.
Sorry - I'm venting.
Any ideas?

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He won’t understand that his memory problems are getting worse. Dementia robs us of our insight, executive function, and so many other abilities.

The first thing you need to do is accept that this is how he is and you can’t change that. Then figure out a ruse to get him to a doctor who can diagnose and perhaps prescribe Aricept or another drug that slows dementia’s progress. Tell him Medicare requires a doctor’s visit to renew.

I’m sorry for your situation. Many of us on this site have been through it.
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I can definitely identify with having to undo mistakes or, worse, having things I have put in place to help be undone. In my experience a person with memory problems does not realize how bad they are. They definitely know they are struggling but the extent is lost on them. For example, the doctor gave my mom some very simple questions to answer. She got most of them right and was very proud of that but I was sitting in the exam room and was horrified that she got so many of them wrong. We are talking about very basic questions like what the four seasons are and what season it currently was. She came out of that thinking she needs just a little extra help which was totally delusional and in denial.

You need to start by getting him to a doctor. Tell him that it would be a good thing to establish a baseline so that later on if he has problems a comparison can be made. That’s the truth. If he won’t do it tell him you want one too and then do it. It wouldn’t hurt and it may convince him that these sorts of tests are routine. He probably doesn’t want to go because he knows something is wrong and he doesn’t want to hear it but too bad.

Another thing you can do is tell him you need to update your will, advanced directive, life insurance whatever and that in order to do that he needs to have a routine physical performed. Once he gets through the door of the doctor’s office you can use the doctor as an ally.
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Consider talking to your Doctor alone first. Make an appointment for yourself - to start with. Ask the Doctor's advice for YOUR situation. What's happening.

I've seen success with this.

Then for followup, take your husband.

Sometimes honesty works.
"I am concerned about some things. Please come with me".

Alternatively, there can be ways to get someone to an appointment. Little 'therapeudic fibs' if needed (eg flu jab, medication review, annual checkup). Once there, some subtle observation by the Doctor or simple routine screening test (if person is willing).

Speaking to the Doctor first can open the way. Building trust is key.
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Fawnby Jul 2023
Great comments, Beatty. I live in a retirement community, and the doctors nearby are always aware of the cognition of elderly patients. Every one we've ever dealt with is evaluating the patient upon first sight, during the appointment, and commenting spot-on in notes afterward. They get good at it because there are so many elders with cognitive issues here. I'm sure they recognize the importance of knowing the likelihood that a patient will understand and be able to follow their directions. It is also good for me as caregiver to feel that the doctor is involved in making sure my LO's condition is understood.
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Bad hearing accelerates dementia.

At the start of dementia, it’s usually only the spouse who notices the dementia/memory loss (not other family, not friends, not the person getting dementia).
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You can’t make him understand. That’s the thing with this. It’s frustrating, hugs.
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Nelle, I found these helpful. (You'll have to copy and paste the links into your browser.)

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half

5 other losses besides memory: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awBm4S9NwJ0

Anosognosia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nw3YUDQJuY
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