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My mother is disabled and can barely get around without falling. She can't bathe herself or clean up after going to the potty herself. My brother isn't physically disabled but mentally. He has the mind of a 10-year-old, but he is 36. He can't live on his own because he doesn't understand how. He doesn't understand that you can't leave a stove eye on for half the day or put paper plates or towels next to it. You can give him $1, and he thinks that will buy a week's worth of groceries. He doesn't understand that you have to pay bills where you live, things like that. They have got to where they are in a phase now where they have to ask me everything, like they can't make any decision on their own. They will ask me if they can turn the fan on or if it is ok to put on high. I am at my wits end. I love them both so much, but I am to the point now where if I even see my brother I get angry, sometimes the same with my mother. I am constantly angry and depressed. I do not want or like to feel like that. I am trying to see if I can find a nursing home or some type of home they can both be together. Any help would be great, thank you.

Check out Empowering Ability with Eric Goll.

There may be some good information among his several videos that could be a big help.
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Reply to cover9339
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Hi, I'm not sure what area they are in. But yes try an advisor. Assisted Living Locators are in 40 states.
Also office of the aging can be helpful. Hang in there I know it's not easy.
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Reply to Luvlee34
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The Presbyterian church in Florence SC has a mission to provide group homes for development disabled adults. It is called PADD. They are on FB. The residents must meet certain qualifications, and they accept Medicaid. I’m thinking that other states/cities may have similar programs, so look around.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Do they both receive disability? They can both get Medicaid and can be placed in nursing home.
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cover9339 Aug 22, 2024
She could, he would need to be determined medically necessary to, though he may have a good chance through mental issue.
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Don't rule out using chat.gpt to research a topic. Usually they can list different websites and resources and you can go online and do your own homework.
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Reply to Ireland
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Ask a social worker for assistance in their area. The social worker will assess your mother's and brother's activities of daily living (ADL's) and instrumentals of daily living (IADL's) and hopefully get both placed together. Our forum has wonderful advice. Your mother and brother are not definitely safe living on their own.
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Reply to Patathome01
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when I started looking at assisted living facilities for my mom and dad a few years ago I found a group that is local that does advocacy for people like myself. They were familiar with all the different facilities in the area and I told them our needs and they were able to match to the right facilities that would help best. before Mom And Dad moved in though mom passed away and now my dad needed a different type facility for his advancing Alzheimer’s. She was able to Steer us to that kind of facility and it’s been perfect. It’s smaller and more of a home like atmosphere with great 24 hour care with any needs. See if you have a local senior advocate group near you. It doesn’t cost anything to use them. Usually the facility pays for their referrals.
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Reply to Skelly1230
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If you can share which state they reside in, the forum will be in a better position to offer referral sources
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Reply to NJCALA
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Good Morning,

Varies on State-to-State. Did you brother have any aid or assistance in his younger years? Was he always at home. Also, was your father a Veteran?

The more concrete info you can provide, the more we can help you.
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Reply to Ireland
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Your brother and you will have to deal with mom not being around any way you look at it. Mom may require a SNF. Your brother may face many years on a wait list to get into a home. There will be no discounts for a 2-fer. You need to be proactive. If both have financial means then you can seek out carepatrol.com in MS. They can tell you about which placement places that both qualify.
Otherwise speak to APS to find options.
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Reply to MACinCT
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cover9339 Aug 22, 2024
Too bad they don't live in NE OH, this would not be much of an issue for needed a facility.
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I don't know that realistically they will be able to be placed together. Their needs are too different. I think brother may need a group home for the disabled, while Mom needs placement. The only certain way to find out if I am correct is to explore the extended care facilities in your area. I sure wish you the best of luck. Do consider also checking on the "six packs" or Board and Care Homes. They are as rare as hen's teeth currently, but are often family run, and are often taking care of only 6 to 8 people. They have a more "home atmosphere. It is quite certain this would not be a "two for the price of one" and that each individual would be paid separately but they may be together in the same home.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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My town in Maryland has many small group homes. Most are regular houses with 4-6 residents.

I think the residents are indigent.
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Reply to brandee
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Thank you to everyone. I will check out the Agency of Aging in my area to see how they can help. I was thinking that is how it would be about him staying with her and the price, but I was hoping maybe I didn't know some information that could help. Thanks again for the advice and help.
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Reply to Ckloraw22
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Group homes are not that prevalent as you may think. In the Raleigh NC area they were closed these types of facilities because of no money. Privately, families can't afford them. One my brother looked at was 50k a yr and that was over 16 yrs ago. Where I live, there is no such thing. A 45 yr old challenged man I know is living in a NH with his Mom who has Dementia. Medicaid is footing the bill. They cannot find him a group home. A woman I know went into an AL taking her down syndrome daughter with her.

Its a shame that parents of these challenged individuals don't look ahead and its all dumped into the other childs lap. I am so lucky that my nephew can live alone. I am so lucky that I was able to find help thru my County Disabilities Dept. He now has a place to live and a coordinator who handles mostly everything.
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Ninecats Aug 20, 2024
I am so grateful that you said, "It's a shame that parents of these challenged individuals don't look ahead and it's all dumped into the other child's lap"! That is currently my situation, and it is so frustrating (as the sibling of a 64-year-old challenged individual). I hope there are parents out there who are reading this. Thank you JoAnn29.
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Doesn't sound possible. A nursing home isn’t the place for a physically healthy mentally disabled adult. They’ll need separate facilities.

Its probably a good thing. Better to get brother used to living without mom while he’s still young since he’ll most likely outlive her.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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Poor mom and brother.
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ML4444 Aug 20, 2024
And how is this a helpful answer?
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Sounds like Mom needs SNF ( skilled nursing facility ) . Your brother will not be able to stay with her there .

Your brother needs a group home for intellectually disabled adults where he can be with people closer to his age and cognition where he can have friends , and activities appropriate for him .

Enlist the help of a County social worker for the disabled to help you find a group for your brother.

You can search and tour SNF ( skilled nursing facility ) for Mom or you can ask for help with that from a social worker for your County Area Agency of Aging .

Check your county website to get the numbers for the Agency of Aging and for services for disabled .

Even if you were able to find a small private care home willing to take both your Mom and your brother that would likely be expensive and not really the right environment for your brother . Your mother is in need of nursing home type care , your brother is not .
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Reply to waytomisery
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