Hello, I am #5 sibling. My Sister and I live closest to our 84-year-old mom, who is in low-end AL and has been asked to move out. We take turns taking her to the grocery store or just out for a hot minute. Over the last year, she has had numerous warnings at AL and lost her license by police (causing accident). She gets physical at times with the other residents. So now she needs a new place to move, and I don’t know if there are any NH, MC or AL facilities that will take care of her medically or what ever she needs to stop the nasty behavior towards residents. We are at wits end. Her PCP knows everything that's going on but hasn’t helped with a solution either. Her memory is getting worse quickly. She won’t bathe herself and her shoulders are bad! She is diabetic and eats junk snacks for breakfast. She is still able to take meds, but has incontinence and a bad knee (can hardly walk). She doesn’t do ANYTHING but watch TV in her room. Now she is restricted from cafe at mealtime and has to eat in her room because she pushed a lady over. (“Her chair was taken by this lady.”) She calls people bad names a lot. She was never like this until the last 2 yrs. We don’t know where to go from here! Anyone else have prior or similar experience?
No residence will tolerate her conduct, but her behavior CAN be modified IF the reasons and triggers can be identified, and you will need a specialist to do an evaluation.
From your description, she may need more supervision, if Memory Care is available in her current setting.
If not, start looking at MCs.
Who manages her eating habits in her AL? Swings in blood sugar can launch catastrophic mood swings, with behavioral outbursts as a result.
With memory issues AND her behaviors, you need to have a clearer sense of her cognitive functioning, and a better idea of how much of her behavior she’s able to control. My LO could swear like a sailor, but NOTHING that a person with dementia says should be considered dangerous or meaningful.
In a very similar situation, a couple low key visits from a gentle therapist resulted in a prescription for a VERY mild dose of medication, and a few changes in my LO’s physical layout, that made MUCH more comfortable with life in her “motel”.
I supported the decisions that were recommended for her, and the staff KNEW I’d try whatever was recommended as long as it was in her best interests.
Very very hard days for her family members who love her, but if you can separate your embarrassment from her symptoms, you can start to figure out ways to find help for her, and a more successful new placement, if necessary.