How do I politely tell Hospice Family Support/Clergy that I don't want to keep talking about the caregiving of my mother or the constant questions about how I am, my mothers progress/decline, etc.? I've tried to let them know that the constant talking isn't helpful and causes me to dwell on my situation making me loose focus on my daily caregiving as well as causing depression.
You can be direct with someone without being rude.
Say something like, ‘I appreciate your concern for me. I prefer not to discuss this with you. If I should decide to speak with you, I will be in touch. Otherwise, please allow me to have my privacy. Thank you.’
So you my dear just have to speak up and tell them what you want and what you don't want.
I know that some people appreciate all the attention, but I'm like you, just let me be and take care of my loved one.
So next time they call wanting to come over, just tell them thanks but no thanks, and that you'll call them if you need them.
And please make sure that you're taking care of yourself.
God bless you.
If there's something they can offer you, other than the talk that makes you unhappy, let them know that too. It shouldn't have to be what you have now or nothing--but you'll never know until you speak up.
Just say I need some quiet time to reflect on things and you will say when you need further support you will approach them.
I like the caring nature of people but sounds like they're over doing it if it's getting to you. I think if they communicate once or twice, and then gave you some space, saying they're always available if you need further support that would be a better way to handle it.
I like funkygrandma59's reply.
Take care.
She was diagnosed in August with untreatable pancreatic cancer, that had metastasized to her liver and bones.
We all took turns staying with her, and gradually became aware of a particularly aggressive and harassing social worker, who was obviously determined to “talk death” to her.
Although we were pretty successful for a couple weeks, I was on duty one day when one of the nurses called me out of her room to ask me a question about her care, and we later, realized to our horror, that the death talk had been given.
There was a playoff double header that night, previously her only comfort, and for the first time since her diagnosis, she refused to listen to it.
Be firm, be civil, be insistent. It’s your right.
I may be honest and thank the minister for coming but you don't feel at this time u need spiritual counseling. If you feel you do, then you will call him.
I like "Thank you, I have a minister of my own".
The social worker at my brother’s hospice came over to me and asked me if I wanted to talk. She wasn’t pushy at all.
She also gave me a booklet with questions and answers that explained everything. She said that I could read it if and when I chose to.
I very much appreciated the social worker and clergy. Others prefer absolute privacy, which is totally fine.
The SW and clergy were there when I wanted to speak with them but they certainly weren’t intrusive with me or any other family member. You are entitled to your privacy during this difficult time.
Last week the hospice social worker asked my sister and me how we were doing in front of my mother. What are you supposed to say? I told her I was fine. My sister did the same. We really are not. I did not want to bare my soul in front of my mother. What is anyone going to do about it anyway?
Exactly, that’s kind of awkward to answer in front of your mom.
The social worker approached each of us privately. That’s how it should be handled. We are all different and process things differently.
NHWM
I'm always amazed at the hospice companies that have terrible people skills. I fire the first hospice company I hired for my dad's care because their social worker chewed me out for cancelling an appointment, told me "this isn't about YOU" when I did ask about support for me, the caregiver, and didn't return calls. I fired them in a hot second, hired another company, and they were great.
Consider finding another company. They'll handle the switchover from the old service to the new one, and feel free to be very upfront with the new folks. You and they are a team, and you should all be on the same page.
You are inviting these people into your home. They are not in charge, you are. My Mom had "in home" for a couple of weeks. They wanted to come at 8:30am Monday. Mom had just moved in, aft a rehab stay, that Thurs before. This was all new to me and I just could not get her up, dressed and have breakfast by 8:30 am. So we made it for 10am.
The families needs are important too. And we all need to speak up when we are not able to do something. The Nurse comes 2x a week and aide maybe 3x. The rest of the time, family is doing the caring. They are the ones who are stressed out.
Remember, its ur home and you invite who u want into it.