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The stupid doctors told us mom had quit eating because of her dementia. She was at end of life and didn't bother to attempt any diagnosis without arguing and us being treated like we didn't know how dementia ended even though my mother is being taken care of at home. Turns out it was the doxycycline making her sick. She started eating 24 hours after her last pill. They had decided to write her off and never got her out of bed for 3 days. After some arguing and me diagnosing her and the doctor agreeing, she is now in rehab to get her strength back after the pnemonia and the negligent hospital just writing her off and leaving her in bed for 3 days.

They don't survive. Which isn't such a bad thing with dementia at play, imo. Hospitals cannot possibly know the answers to everything at all times, especially about why a dementia patient isn't eating. So they make educated guesses and move on to the next patient. That's why a hospital is NO place to be.

Good luck to mom in rehab. Hopefully she can make some progress and get her strength back. She's fortunate to have you in her corner. I advocated for my parents for over 10 years in their old age myself.
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AlvaDeer Aug 31, 2024
I couldn't agree more with your first sentence, Lea.l
In the "old days" they used to consider pneumonia the "old person's friend" because it prevented further having to live on in a crucible of torment.
Now we are forced to go on and on and on in total misery. Why? For what reason? It is cruelty in its most extreme form. IMHO.
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I have a friend who is a doctor .
I will quote him .

“ Doctors don’t always not what is wrong . There is still alot to learn in the medical field . This is why they call it PRACTICING medicine.”

Geriatrics is very complicated , as these people usually have multiple things wrong with them , and if they have dementia they can’t always tell the doctor what they are feeling , in order to give them clues. Same for babies .

Sometimes doctors miss things . I agree that one of the things they usually look at is if a new med could cause an issue . But again with dementia it’s not always clear what is going on , and it can be assumed it’s the dementia causing a change as it can be unpredictable and have sudden step downs .

I have to say the last time we sent my FIL to the hospital we were sorry we did . We should have let him go , he was miserable afterwards . It often seems we “ save them “ one too many times .

The last rally isn’t always good .
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I had a similar situation with my 96yr old Dad who has severe Lewy Body Dementia. He was sleeping 23 of the 24 hrs per day about two weeks back. So I notified his PC who put an order in for Hospice and ordered me to stop all medication (he was taking two meds for BP). It sure looked like the end was imminent for Dad who had been suffering so much with hallucinations, pain, and everything else that comes along with this horrible disease, until about a month ago when he began to sleep pretty peacefully almost 23 hrs per day. So, about the very next day with no meds Dad was more alert, the next day after that and he was wide awake. It was his medication that was knocking him out! Only now, he is wide awake hallucinating, agitated, confused, trying to open all the doors in the house late at night and yelling at me because I'm always locking everything. He's a mess. So in my mind I truly wonder if we should've just let him be. Let him find peace in his sleep and ultimate passing. So now I'm here wondering if I'm going to be able to handle him or not? I do know if this were me I would rather be sleeping til the end. I wish you all the best with you Mom! I hope she is peaceful.
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lealonnie1 Aug 31, 2024
I'm sorry to hear this mamacrow. I was concerned about this very thing when I read your post about dad's meds causing him to sleep. You just can't win with dementia, everybody loses. I went thru it with my mother for 6 yrs but she lived in AL and then segued into Memory Care. Ativan .5 mgs helped a lot with her agitation and Sundowning, w/o knocking her out. Good luck and Godspeed.
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Watching a dementia patient die is never easy. You may eventually, as I did with my mom, wish that she’d died of one of the other things wrong with her rather than dementia. The suffering was horrendous. It isn’t just wasting away with a smile on their face as they slip sweetly into the hereafter.

My belief is that after a certain point, we shouldn’t fight to save a dementia patient’s life.
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