How do caregivers cope with a dementia/Alzheimer's parent with psychosis?

Make decisions about what you "can do" and decide on what is "too much" for you to handle. "Can do" tasks should be well within your capabilities, time available, finances, and not trigger anxiety. "Too much" is anything that triggers your anxiety; you do not have skills, money or time to complete. Ask others to take over any "too much" tasks and stick to those you decide are do-able. When your mom has psychotic episodes, call emergency services to take her to the nearest hospital for evaluation and treatment. Eventually, a doctor will deem her unable to live alone and you can advise him/her that she will need to go to a residential facility. Do what is within your abilities is caring. Letting others do what you can not is also caring and wise.

Leave her and go home. Then call Adult Protective Services. Explain what is going on and tell them you can no longer care for her.

Get your own place close to your mother.

This is a very hard lesson to learn and no one helped me.

Moving out in less than two months as I have a townhouse that I can live in by myself with my two dogs, They won't have a yard anymore but dogs adapt, My mother has four cats three on the patio obese, They pee on the floor every night so I have to clean it up and i am allergic to ammonia so I got sick so I wear a intense mask to avoid the situation. They were 50 pounds when I got here now they are 30 pounds a piece. They were sick and not being taken care of correctly.
There is another cat in the garage with the new 50 thousand dollar mistake my mom bought and has no license.
My mother has been on her own for 11 years with her family of cats that get treated better than her own daughter,

So get out and live your life before its too late and you are seeing a therapist about the situation like me.

I'm done mom is going to be 94 probably live to be 100 years old. Fine I am gone with my children to get some much needed rest and sleep for my mind body and soul. And my dogs are very nervous with her tv blasting at 100 everyday all day long. She screams if something is out of place. Oh My God I have to give it to him to save my life.

Hope you get out soon.

Seek a therapist from your insurance if you have any.

Peace I'm getting my life BACK.

This is not for me I have a business degree not a healthcare degree as my other cousin takes care of her sister in another state he does not live with her so he told me you made a valent effort to attempt to help her get out and life your life that way when I come over I'll stay the night if she is scared or i will stop by clean the cat pee and make sure they are alive and go home to my PEACE.

Hope this helps I am gone

Prayers for you my dear


What got me to leave my comfortable life in another state the lawyer and the police called me at work. Lawyer said your mother has lost her mind so come down and start paying her bills online.

Well

My family are over 900 to 1500 miles away. No help for me there.

In a moment of psychosis, call 911. Admit her to the hospital and they will figure out if she has a uti and make them figure out a medication plan to control how she is acting. I wouldn’t take Mom home until she was psychologically ready. Ask to talk to the psychologist at the hospital. Hope this helps!

AnxiousFear: Perhaps your mother requires managed care facility living.

I really wish I had the answers you’re looking for. I’ll be following this as I could use much of the same help here only my husbands “psychosis” I more likely due to long term alcoholism. It’s so hard constantly being worried and walking on those all to familiar eggshells. I’m here if you ever want to chat. Sometimes just having someone around who understands and is there to listen can be a lifesaver. That goes for anyone who just needs to talk it out, I’m here.

Take her to PCP for a " check up".
While there speak frankly about the safety concerns you have and, the caregiver exhaustion you are experiencing. Her unwillingness or inability to recognize the needs and be compliant may be signs of decline.
Or, call APS, report situation in the home with an Elder....
Or, next time she needs further care, call 911, have her transported to ER. Once there, speak with case mgr and or social services to determine potential placement care and or other options;
You may also want to speak with an Elder Care Attorney to be clear on your accountability, responsibility etc etc and explain her conditions and non compliance.

Try to practice self care...

FYI

UTI Prevention in older people: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6759703/

In Pennsylvania, gaurdianship is not always long uphill battle. My mother obtained gaurdianship of her mother with a one day court hearing. She hired a lawyer and the lawyer hired a doctor. The doctor was my grandmother's pcp. He examined my grandmother and then the doctor testifed in court to the judge as to my grandmother's competency. My grandmother attended the hearing. The judge question both my mother and grandmother. I attended as moral support for both my mother and grandmother. That is how I know what happened during the hearing. After obtaining guardianship, my mother only had to make a periodic report to the court as to how my grandmother's money was being spent. This protected both my grandmother and my mother from relatives looking to get money from my grandmother or accusing my mother of "stealing" any of my grandmother's money. As gaurdian my mother also was able to preplan my grandmother's funeral. The cost of the court hearing - lawyer fee and physician testimony fee came from my grandmother's own money as did the funeral plan payment. My grandmother had dementia and was easily taken by relatives asking for money. The gaurdianship stopped all that. Relatives became very angry with my mother but she endured the anger and did what was best for my grandmother's well being and care.
Doing so legally is the way to go especially when other family members are causing grief for the caretaker.

If you mother won't allow you or your brother "POA" (won't allow anyone to have power over her), then I guess additionally that she probably doesn't have your names on a HIPA release form that allow you to talk with her PCP . Get the FAX number of the PCP's office, and type up a concise but clear description of her symptoms and behaviors. Fact-based, short 'bullets' of information, accurate descriptions (but short) of her psychotic behaviors...Then FAX to her PCP one-page descriptors. Ask for PCPs help in coping with your Mom's psychosis by assisting in getting medicated properly. Even though her Doctor cannot talk with you if there is no HIPA signed by your Mom, he/she can certainly 'read' the concise descriptors you and your brother FAX to the PCP. When your Mom is with the PCP, she likely does not tell the truth about her behaviors. In addition, a doctor might even be helpful in reasoning with your Mom about the Power of Attorney for medical purposes, by saying that if she were unconscious, wouldn't you want your son or daughter to make decisions that would help you in a medical crisis? Most doctors are willing to try to help. Now, on to you personally: Please seek a therapist/counselor to deal with your fears and feelings of overwhelm. This chapter of dealing with your Mom is likely to go on for a bit, and you need emotional support from a professional... At least you have your brother to join with you and partner with you. Asking or expecting the remainder of you family to assist or to even be involved: seems useless and a further source of angst for you. My heart goes out to you, as your position is a very difficult one for you, as I know only too well!

I’m not clear if your mother has dementia, psychosis, dementia related psychosis, both or something else and I’m not sure you do either if she is being so resistant about you being involved in her medical care. It’s just my speculation here but if she has landed in a psychiatric hospital 3 times, each time coming out better and then spiraling back again they are obviously doing something that helps her get better enough to go home. I’m guessing again but medication seems likely and she is probably being discharged with things to do, take meds, check in with PCP and get set up with out patient psychiatry or Nuro psyc and not doing those things. This is a very typical scenario for some types of psychiatric patients who don’t have and accept support from family. The hospital levels them out and refers them to longer term outpatient care to continue tweaking meds and following the patient but this doesn’t happen without the missing piece of people who care understanding what’s going on. You may not be able to do anything and need to be prepared for that but your best shot is probably to make yourselves and your desire to help known to the psychiatric hospital, try to visit and either have them help suggest she include you in her treatment when she’s more lucid and leveled out or do so yourselves the next time she comes home leveled out. Start with MPOA or Health care proxy, just have her list you with her providers and the hospital if that makes her more comfortable and work your way up from there. I don’t know how you can help her if the only information you get about what’s happening is from her and she won’t let you participate in her medical care.

Im also not clear about what help she needs when in her rite mind so to speak, does she have other health issues that require assistance or is it just helping her settle back in every time she comes home from the hospital? I ask partly because in thinking about wether she should move and where it really depends on her needs and issues. Wether it’s age related or not she has a brain disease by the sounds of it but senior living facilities may not be appropriate if her real need is related to psychosis, that may take a different set of professionals and that may even mean a team of professionals that work with her staying in her own place. These are all things that again come back to being able to dialogue with doctors with and without her in the room if need be. It’s easy to let the constant fires (emergency’s) as I call them consume you and your life, the hard part is stepping back to recognize that there will always be another fire, putting this one out won’t resolve everything and the state of constant panic will become normal if you let it. You and your brother not only shouldn’t but you can’t fix everything or put out all the fires. By trying to do that you aren’t doing mom any service and your simply burning yourselves out. Your mom needs help and it can’t just be you and your brother doing it, that isn’t working. It’s going to be hard and painful if your mom refuses to cooperate but even though it’s her brain creating that, at least partly, you can’t accept any responsibility for her refusal as long as you’ve given it your best shot. Picture yourself in your mothers shoes, would you want your daughter to give up her 30’s to feel like a failure taking care of you? Would you want her feeling the way you are feeling? Think about doing what you would really want your daughter to do. I would want mine to help as much as she is able coordinating help but not disrupting her life or putting it on hold to be all the help.

This is a lesson I’m still learning, I will also say that there have been some things on this journey I would never change. My brothers and I have spent quality time together, my brothers, mom and I have spent quality time together. We are connected far more often because we share the responsibilities for Mom & I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Recognize the pos’ s

You are correct. Guardianship is not given lightly by any judge. A citizen's rights taken away is a very big deal and it isn't illegal to have mental issues. I doubt you would get guardianship.
I will suggest a book to you. Because it is important that you understand that not everything can be fixed. The book is a memoir by Liz Scheier called Never Simple. Liz tried to help her mentally ill mom for decades, in fact until her death, along with the social system of the entire city and state of New York. All to no avail.
You will not be "running away" from the situation. The situation will ALWAYS exist while your Mom is living. But you must find a way to save what is save-able and that's your own life.
I am very relieved she will not allow you POA. VERY relieved. Don't ask for it again.
Get the help of counseling with a licensed social worker in private practice of counseling. The often know the options well, and are of the most help in issues such as this.
I am so sorry, but there may be no answer for you EVER that is helpful or good, and this may never be fixed, but what you do need to do is find a way to make a choice to have your own life, or your life will be flushed away, wasted, sacrificed on the altar of your Mom's mental illness. IMHO.

My mom has dementia with lewy bodies and when we switched her medication from Aricept to Memantine her hallucinations and minor physochis stopped. In addition she sleeps through the night. I can only speak for myself as the caregiver to a loved one with dementia, but for us Memantine has been a godsend. Not sure if your mom has a neurologist, but I would definitely consult with her doctor(s). I wish you and your family all the best, God Bless!

Treatment for dementia-related psychosis is different for everyone. But one thing’s for sure: As a caregiver, you play a big role in your loved one’s care plan. With your help, they can have a better quality of life for as long as possible.
·        Monitor Their Behaviour
·        Watch for warning
·        Work with their Doctor
·        Carry out the Treatment plan
·        Get support for yourself
Your loved one might act in strange ways. Their behaviour might be harmless.
For example, it’s common for people with dementia to think they’re not in their own home. James in clinical affairs for geriatrics at  School of Medicine, says people with dementia might even go to their room to gather some things. If all they want to do is pack a bag and unpack it, he says that’s OK. You can even help.
“As long as these [delusions] aren’t stressful, you can participate in them, If you always tell them what they’re doing isn’t right, or you try to remind them that they’re not going to this place, I think you’ll see that creates more stress and anxiety.”
It's not always possible to calm your loved one on your own. They might get really upset or pushy.
“This is where you want to involve your doctor.
But psychosis symptoms aren’t always scary for the people who have them. Christopher van Dyck, MD, director of the Alzheimer’s Disease Research Unit at Yale School of Medicine, says those who have Lewy body dementia often see animals or people who aren’t really there. But these beings tend to be non-threatening and even comforting.
Matilda

I would suggest to contact local county senior health services. If she qualifies for Medicaid, there could be additional services to help you, in caring for her..

I am so sorry you are going through this. You are in your 30’s! This is the time you are laying the foundation for your life that will determine your next decades. Financially, emotionally, socially, all of it. It’s time to save yourself. Please don’t let your mother’s illness derail your future. Start planning your exit, and that doesn’t mean you are abandoning your mother. It does not make you uncaring or a bad person. NOBODY can live with this situation. NOBODY. Her care needs are beyond your ability to meet them. It’s really that simple. Think of it like this, if your mother had a heart condition that required surgery, would you try to do the surgery yourself or beat yourself up because you aren’t a surgeon? Of course not. It’s the same with the brain. Her brain is broken and has a disease and you are not trained to fix it.

Your exit involves getting her placed where she is safe and cared for so you can live your life and visit her. After she adjusts and is properly medicated by professionals on a daily basis to control her psychosis you can visit and be a daughter to her.

Let her be. She will not accept help and is combative. You can’t do anything about that. There will be an event that lands her in the ER and that can trigger placement. When someone calls you or your brother to come get her, or tells you they are releasing her, you tell them that she lives alone, you will not be caring for her, and she is an unsafe discharge. It may take a few of these incidents but at some point APS will get involved and they will place her for her own safety. She pays for this out of her own money, you and your brother are not financially responsible for it. No money? They will apply for Medicaid on her behalf. If she owns her home you will have to figure out a way to sell it, which may involve petitioning the court to be her guardian so you can act financially on her behalf.

This is a very tough journey for all concerned, it sucks, and nobody asked for this least of all your mother, but you have to save yourself.

I was in a similar situation 8 months ago and I’m around the same age as you. I already had POA and was able to use my moms savings for caregivers.

Psychiatry tried seroquel and it really didn’t help. Switched to a neuropsychiatrist which I highly recommend and found a combo of Zyprexa and lexapro which finally stabilized her symptoms over a matter of months. We were able to do this on an outpatient basis, but we were close to hospitalization a couple of times.

My point is that sometimes different meds need to be tried and failed. In the meantime, your moms safety needs to be prioritized as #1.

I agree with others that therapy for you is paramount. This is heartbreaking to deal with and the delusions/hallucinations are some of the most awful things to watch. I also suggest talking to your PCP about your level of stress during this awful time. Consider asking your therapist to facilitate a family meeting (even if your family has to be on zoom).

Once you’ve taken care of yourself, see if the local Alzheimers Association has resources, read books and I also found some good info on Instagram following people/professionals who talk about dementia.

AnxiousFear,

Don't get too far down the rabbit hole of making your own diagnosis of UTI, forms of dementia, which medications may or may not be helpful, etc, but DO communicate your observations and concerns FRANKLY and OFTEN with your mom's healthcare providers! If you feel uncomfortable discussing this in front of your mom, call or send an email or snail mail to her doctor. Accompany her to doctor appointments if you can. This may take more than one medical visit. Yes, a crisis like hospitalization or ER visit might be the perfect time to say you can no longer keep her safe.

Dementia or not, it is important to have POA set up before someone becomes incapacitated. Be sure you or your brother truly WANT to become POA. In Michigan, POA is not a magic tool that suddenly allows you to place someone in assisted living and make decisions against their will. The person has to give permission to "activate the POA" while they are still competent, or they have to be "declared incompetent"... which for me took years for my dad, even though I had POA, and a neuropsychologist and his primary care doctor were documenting the progression of moderate to severe dementia over many years. If POA is not clearly documented, then a judge or court may get involved.

Maybe your mom would agree to set up POA if she realized that it doesn't go into effect without her permission or without doctors and/or a judge getting involved. My dad seemed persuaded by my saying "Dad, if you fell and hit your head and were unconscious, would you want me to be able to make decisions on your behalf until you woke up or would you want a total stranger judge to make decisions for you?"

I, too, had a lifelong anxiety provoking relationship with my father. What I found most helpful was amazing support from my husband, the AgingCare Forum, my dad's primary care doc, a Homehealth team that came after my dad fell (100% covered by Medicare), and a trip to the E.R. when he was especially paranoid and confused. In the E.R. a social worker declared that he couldn't live alone any more and helped me have my dad admitted to a 24/7 memory care home. AFTER he was in the memory home I still had to take him to the neuropsychologist for another evaluation and from there have two doctors sign that he was no longer competent. Unfortunately, there is no easy anxiety free way around this, so keep reaching out, and give yourself lots of grace. Peace to you!

Friend, you have my deepest sympathy and I wish I could give you a hug. I only want to mention this, because this thread is geared towards UTI, which may very well be the cause. My mother tested negative for UTI during a period when she suddenly lost her ability to do common tasks, wore her shoes to bed with nightgown over her clothes, stuffed her cane into her pant leg, did not understand how to use her phone, thought her pills went into her ears, and spoke the most bizarre things to me I had ever heard. I was beside myself, and when I posted on this board, a few people quickly advised me that this was not dementia. I temporarily brought her into my home while I sought help. During those three weeks of three hot meals a day and plenty of hydration, she completely reversed out of this behavior. I would never have believed it if I didn’t experience it. She also stopped experiencing the lightheadedness which she had complained about for three years, for which she received no resolution from various specialists. Not one medical professional ever asked if she was eating normally or well-hydrated. I have learned just how severely these unacknowledged conditions can affect an elderly, compromised brain. She has since progressed into dementia, and I will always wonder if it was accelerated by her long period of malnutrition/dehydration. This will always be the first thing I consider with sudden behavior shifts.

You can’t handle this on your own !
and you’re not helping your mother .
this is not a UTI … but much more !
dementia with psychosis … seroquel
is good drug for psychosis when right dosage and is monitored … every drug can have side effects …
think you need place your mom in good hands where she’ll be safe and receive the proper help she so badly needs…. And visit often !
best of luck … find your mother a good facility where she’ll be properly cared for !

dear OP,

huggggg.
that's a very difficult situation. you are not alone. unfortunately, many people experience that with their elderly parents.

be careful OP, these awful situations often get even worse with time!!

i have a friend (matthew) who took care of his elderly father (raymond). raymond accused matthew of all sorts of false things, and threatened matthew's life. it was a total nightmare for matthew. matthew called raymond's doctor, who made a house visit to investigate the situation (no UTI). the doctor explained: (1) raymond is having a psychosis; (2) there are only 2 options: start a new treatment plan/medicine at home, it might/might not work -- or facility.

the new treatment plan was tried at home, and raymond for a while behaved better. but that belligerent, awful, psychotic behavior will return. matthew explained to me, that in the future he might indeed put his father in a facility.

the point is OP, there aren't that many options regarding psychosis. and it's extremely likely the psychosis will happen more than once!!

raymond lives alone at home (with hired caregivers). as is typical, he always behaves well with non-family. i know you said OP, you don't have the money for hired caregivers.

i wish you well, and your mother.

your question was, how do you cope? what helped matthew was to have a formal diagnosis, and to know clearly from the doctor that there are only 2 options for raymond.

bundle of joy

Call and speak to mom's doctor. They cannot give you information, but you can give it to them. Ask them if there is medication they can prescribe to assist with the psychosis, or medicine that may actually be causing the psychosis. Talk to the doctor about your mom's behavior and how it is affecting your and your siblings life. If you get no answers or help from them, you can call adult protective services the next time she has an episode. If they decide she is a danger to herself/others they may take action to have her placed. Meanwhile, please get a counselor for yourself. You need help to process the anxiety and sadness this is likely causing you. I am sorry you are going throgh this. I know you love your mom and this must be so very hard.

UTI and B12 deficiency can cause psychosis and behavior changes. Doctors should help you identify if there is an organic cause. If they can rule it out, then move to the next likely cause. It is exhausting but you must advocate for her and yourself unceasingly. You may check to see if your county has a department to support elders and aging. They can help you find resources. Good luck to you.

Some things my mother did because of an undiagnosed / then diagnosed but untreated UTI:
*chopped up her beautiful Christmas cactus
*destroyed the metal stand it was on
*hauled my father's dining chair out the door, down the steps, and was about to throw it into the canal behind their house when he found her
*sprayed dad and the hospice nurse (who should have recognized the UTI, grrr) in the face with Raid
*poured dry ramen noodles into the kitchen sink drain then poured boiling water down the drain (she said she wanted to clog the drain)
*locked herself in the bathroom one day and smeared feces all over the place, shoved everything she could find down the toilet (again, she said she wanted to clog it)
*smeared feces throughout the house -- walls, floors, carpets, drapes, furniture etc.
*covered her body with scotch tape
*put little pieces of scotch tape all over their vinyl floors
*ran around outside yelling while naked from the waist up
*the culminating event was when dad woke up with her holding butcher knives over him and saying, "Everyone has a day to die, today is your day." That's when he finally called the police (after getting the knives out of her hands) and then he finally told the ER that he could not bring her home again.

This all happened in a span of two or three weeks and involved three ER trips. First trip they did test for UTI (culture that takes days, not the quickie test). Dad brought her home. Second trip was the day after the positive UTI result came in so they started her on IV antibiotics, then sent her home. She refused the antibiotics at home. Third and final trip, he did what has the horrible name of "ER dump." She was placed in a psych hospital, never given any additional antibiotics for the UTI, and they declared she had dementia. No one that knew mom prior to this, including her hospice crew, ever thought she had dementia. I've settled with myself that either this was just more of the untreated UTI or that perhaps she had a hemorrhagic stroke during the same time period.

Mom died three weeks later in a nursing home.

Does any of this look familiar to you? Do you see similar behaviors in your mom? Consider checking for the UTI with the culture that takes days to come back, not the quickie test. Even though your mom has already been diagnosed with psychosis, that doesn't mean all of her recent actions can be blamed on that alone.

And do step back and admit to others what you've already admitted to yourself, you don't have the strength to be her caregiver. The very best thing you can do for mom is get her the care she needs, which is beyond your capabilities. It is an act of love to make sure a person is safe and well-cared for, even if it means we have to step aside and let others do it and even if it means the person we love so much becomes angry with us. It is not easy to do. It will probably break your heart, to be honest. But you will have the peace of knowing you did what was best for her.

Place her in a facility so that she will be safe.

Get professional help for yourself. Your mother has problems that makes it difficult and impossible to help her. Get a social worker to talk with her and placed into a facility where she is to be locked up and not wander. Do not use your funds to pay her bills.

I had gone through past therapy because of my late mother's bipolar problems. I had to live with her from 1975 to 2013 because I depended on financial assistance and unable to go on my own due to a disability. She never wandered but bullied me too often, requiring a move to live out of State to a facility to provide better care for her.

Even after both my parents are gone, family dysfunction continues. I'm seeking additional counseling because of my immature parents who should not have married each other, let alone have six children, divorced after ten years, then my father remarried and fathered another child I cannot even contact. The final straw was what happened 3 years ago. Our stepmother died in 2020 but my siblings and I were never contacted. My MD half-brother never told my second oldest brother because our half-sibling and his wife think that we first 6 children may go after stepmother's estate funds. Very untrue. We love our family, including our late father, but our late parents immaturity are responsible for ongoing problems that leave me isolated with my anxiety.

You have to get therapy, and talk to people who have gone through the same thing as you. I understand. It’s hard but in some cases of life. We have to do what we gotta do.

Dear Anxious:

Our situations are very similar. I am 58, my mother just turned 91. My mother has long had serious mental health issues, though she was able to keep the problem (originally, a fantasy romance) compartmentalized so she could work. Now she also has progressing dementia.

The 3 responses I see so far are intelligent ones, including the urinary tract infection--my mother had one last time she was hospitalized with sky-high hypertension, and the UTI really did worsen her madness.

Do note, some of the responses I received here when I first joined were from people who were not only not personally experienced with this particular set of problems, but the responses were also callous and discouraging, telling me not to do things that I really should have done right away. Take what you find encouraging + helpful, and ignore the rest.

Big caution: I have been working a full 17 years to try to get psychiatric help for my mother. It has been my experience that mental health care in the U.S. is very poor, because mental illness still is so misunderstood and still very much stigmatized. I have sought help from the most prestigious institutions down to local elder services and even police, and none have come through. I've been just appalled at some really disinterested and unprofessional professionals, many with advanced degrees.

I've ended up living with my mother for the past number of months to protect her from her self-destructive impulses, e.g., giving away 1000s of dollars to telephone scams. It is a very stressful arrangement.

I wish I could share with you the benefit of my years of wrangling with this double-whammy of a problem, maybe save you a few steps, but I don't know if my experience in New York is relevant to where you live, or how to provide my contact information.

If you want to get in touch, perhaps agingcare.com can get in touch with me?

Wishing you all the best as you trudge your challenging road!

My mother is being prescribed Seroquel, Lexapro, and Remeron. It took time for her doctor to find the dosages for each that helped the most. She has moderate dementia and was combative and delusional. Both of those symptoms have greatly eased.

The previous poster is correct: UTIs can cause the elderly and/or those with dementia to have behavioral changes. In our mom's case, when she has a UTI she is combative, super sleepy, not interested in reading (which she loves), and her appetite is affected. We know the signs for her, so if she exhibits any of those symptoms, that's something we look at right away.

You are in a tough situation with your mom. I have been there many, many times. Very sorry you and she have to go through this. My mother signed over POA to my sister before she was diagnosed so that's one thing we don't have to deal with. But yes, it's really difficult to deal with all this and my heart goes out to you. I would suggest you contact her doctor and let him know what's happening with your mom. Take care, honey.

This is not a UTI. Psychosis is a serious and incurable condition, a disease of the brain. I have this daily with my adult daughter. There’s no answer and no good outlook. Sorry to be a Debbie downer. You should look up the NAMI office nearest you and get on the family support group meetings and classes they offer. Has been very helpful to me.