Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Your profile says your brother has the beginings of dementia. Dementia robs people of their abilities to use reason and logic, to make good judgments, to empathize with others, to retain short-term memory, to judge time accurately, etc.
I'm only listing all those to help you see that you won't be able to make him "understand you've done all you can do". You will exhaust yourself getting him to internalize it, act upon it, care about it, remember it, etc. What you can and should do is find a starting point for your exit and for someone/some authority to fill in the care gap.
If no one is his PoA, you just begin calling his county social services to report him as a vulnerable adult. He may fend them off for a while until his cognitive problems require guardianship by the county. They will then do everything for him.
In the meantime, just humor him. Tell him therapeutic fibs and don't revisit the care topic any longer. Back out at the pace you need, and let the county do the rest. That's as much as can be done.
midsomer, welcome to the forum. Even with your brother having early dementia, he should be able to do some things himself, or did he depend on his late wife to do all the housework, cooking, cleaning, etc.? If yes, then I realize it can be tough on him as she has been gone for just a short time. So sorry for his loss and your loss of a sister-in-law.
Your brother doesn't see you as someone who is 80 but someone who is half that age with a lot of energy. That happens with and without dementia. Time for you to show him how to do things around the house. You are not his Mom, nor his bride. What would he do if something should happen to you? Are you able to have that type of conversation with him?
If your brother feels he can't learn, then he needs to hire a daily caregiver to help him. Hope he won't bulk at the expense. Otherwise, if he can budget for it, independent living in a senior center. One plus is that he would be around some people his age. And the facility prepares his meals, does his housekeeping/linen service, etc.
As for the income taxes [per your profile], I gave up trying to do my own. The rules kept changing and the print kept getting smaller :P I hired a professional to do them, well worth the money.
Are you living separately? Even in early stages a person suffering from Dementia should not be alone 24/7. Its too unpredictable. My Mom left water boiling on a stove. Forgot how to use her cordless phone and remote to the TV. There is no rhyme or reason to the desease.
Do you have POA? If so is it immediate or Springing where a doctor or two have to declare him incompetent to make it effective? With a POA you can get to his finances and see what he has to pay for his care. Its a tool. You do not have to physically care for him or be at his beck and call. It will help you get him into a facility, spend down his assets and then apply for Medicaid. If no POA and he is in the early stage of Dementia, you maybe able to get him to assign you POA if he understands what that means. With no POA its going to be harder to get him help. If POA cannot be gotten, then its Adult Protection Services (APS) to help you with resources for him. I would not agree to be his guardian its expensive and you then have to answer to the State how u handle his money and his care. And your age. You may have to let the state take over his care but that would be my last option. But even with Dementia he could out live you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm only listing all those to help you see that you won't be able to make him "understand you've done all you can do". You will exhaust yourself getting him to internalize it, act upon it, care about it, remember it, etc. What you can and should do is find a starting point for your exit and for someone/some authority to fill in the care gap.
If no one is his PoA, you just begin calling his county social services to report him as a vulnerable adult. He may fend them off for a while until his cognitive problems require guardianship by the county. They will then do everything for him.
In the meantime, just humor him. Tell him therapeutic fibs and don't revisit the care topic any longer. Back out at the pace you need, and let the county do the rest. That's as much as can be done.
Your brother doesn't see you as someone who is 80 but someone who is half that age with a lot of energy. That happens with and without dementia. Time for you to show him how to do things around the house. You are not his Mom, nor his bride. What would he do if something should happen to you? Are you able to have that type of conversation with him?
If your brother feels he can't learn, then he needs to hire a daily caregiver to help him. Hope he won't bulk at the expense. Otherwise, if he can budget for it, independent living in a senior center. One plus is that he would be around some people his age. And the facility prepares his meals, does his housekeeping/linen service, etc.
As for the income taxes [per your profile], I gave up trying to do my own. The rules kept changing and the print kept getting smaller :P I hired a professional to do them, well worth the money.
Do you have POA? If so is it immediate or Springing where a doctor or two have to declare him incompetent to make it effective? With a POA you can get to his finances and see what he has to pay for his care. Its a tool. You do not have to physically care for him or be at his beck and call. It will help you get him into a facility, spend down his assets and then apply for Medicaid. If no POA and he is in the early stage of Dementia, you maybe able to get him to assign you POA if he understands what that means. With no POA its going to be harder to get him help. If POA cannot be gotten, then its Adult Protection Services (APS) to help you with resources for him. I would not agree to be his guardian its expensive and you then have to answer to the State how u handle his money and his care. And your age. You may have to let the state take over his care but that would be my last option. But even with Dementia he could out live you.