Hi! My Mom is driving me and everyone around her insane. I feel terrible saying that but it's true. She will be 80 yrs. old in Feb. and she and my Dad still live together in their own home. Their relationship (if you can call it that) is so unhappy. Every other day my Mom says that my Dad wants a divorce - can you imagine, after being married for 60 yrs.? Unfortunately, my Mom is probably in the mid-stage of Alzheimers - she remembers things from long ago, but can't remember what she had for lunch or where she's been. She's had all the tests done and was prescribed Aricept. She will not take it. She believes she has every side-effect from every drug that has ever been presribed for her except for her bp medication. I don't know how to help her and my Dad. Please give me some suggestions. Thank you.
I don't know what to say ... I feel for you!
My mom is 80, no problems with alzheimers, and she is still fairly fit and active (most days); however, her health issues are increasing and so are the meds.
I find I am in demand when drives are needed to doctor's appointments, specialist's appointment, when there is a crisis (which is every other week it seems, she makes mountains out of mole hills), or looking after her pooch, and yet when she is ok and doing well I'm tossed aside!
My sister lives out of province and is no help at all ... I can't even unload on her, she just frustrates me, she lives her little life out where she is and no worries about emergency phone calls, demands on her time, etc., so I've stopped talking to her about how I feel. That's why I came to this web site, to hopefully find support and info, and unload now and again, and to help others in any way I can.
I have been my mother's caregiver now for about 15 years ... helped her through her husband's death, her depression (got her to counselling and involved in a grieving support group) and then her various illnesses ... inflammatory disease, high blood pressure, seizures, hip replacement, and help getting to doctor and filling prescriptions etc., moral support, and am always helping with one crisis or another as I mentioned ... including her putting off to the last minute getting prescriptions filled (on purpose - has other things to do, like shopping etc.!!) and then panic mode because doesn't have the the right meds, and/or health ramifications because of not taking enough ... going to emergency etc.!! I sometimes think she is someone who craves attention and sometimes creates situations to get it ?? Ya know ??
She can also be quite hurtful towards me, I'm not sure if she means it or not .. but she seems to enjoy it ... I am realizing she does not have good boundaries or respect for other's boundaries ... I am constantly having to make sure mine are good and strong!
Anyway, I'm glad I have found this site ... I watched the 'caregivers' video on here, did you? It was quite good, and helpful.
Wish I could offer you more help, advice, support ... if you have watched the video it may help you with some 'options' and 'self care' ... but I'm sure with Alzheimers it is much more difficult to deal with things. Is there an Alzheimers support group in your area that you could attend?? I'm going to check out support groups near me, for caregivers ....
Try to take good care of you!
So, just hang in there and keep writing. It seems to help me read your comments and write mine.
I would also like to thank TBONEMAN for the help with bathing. I had my doctor write a "prescription" for taking a bath. That works some.....so thanks.
I'm new to the group, been debating joining a support group. The stories make me so sad. My mom had a massive stroke in June of 2007 and lost use of her left side and is bedridden mostly, and has a lot of short and some long term memory loss. I sympathize with telling her things over and over and over and over again. Funny story you will all like....
We taped a football game for her months ago and there was a period of time where all she would watch at night would be the game, it kept her calm and every night she would say...does your sister know this game is on and I would tell her it's a taped game and every night she would say, oh no, it's not. lol It made me laugh every time.
Anyway, mom was in a nursing home (a bad one) for almost 3 months, then at my sister's for abou 4 months and now living with me (a little over 1 month) and it's absolutely mind boggling how hard this is, especially the nights, getting up in the middle of the night to frantic calling or a diaper change or a drink of water, etc. She is now on a list for nursing home and I cannot imagine how lost I would feel if that wasn't an alternative for us right now. I'm falling apart. How do all of you cope? Even with a strong faith in God, it's destroying my health, etc.
On top of all this, my dad had a stroke on Dec this past year (different state too) and we thought he would pull through but he just passed away after being in tremendous pain for a few weeks, died on Valentine's day which is also my mom's birthday. My mom and Dad had been divorced for a very long time, he was remarried and everything but my mom still feels like a widow now, she's forgotten anything bad he ever did, which is a good thing but makes her grieve a little more in her already currently depressed state.