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Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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She is very narcissistic, causes much stress in our home, threatens us with elder abuse and much more. Do I have any legal rights as I am a senior too? She is 82, I am 65. My husband and I are tired of her abuse.
Maybe it is time to tell HER what is going on.. if you have not already. Tell her you will be looking for alternative housing for her , like AL or NH, as she is not "happy" with her current living situation and you "hate" for her to be so unhappy. Make it all about her happiness. She may straighten up unless she has some form of dementia, But if not then you have given her fair warning. Tell her since she is threatening to call you in for elder abuse, you realize how miserable she is, and you only want her to be happy.
Barb’s right. And, after 20 years of this, you will need to pull much strength from somewhere to get her out. You and Hubby will need to present a united front to her and tell her she’s going. Be prepared for an epic meltdown. She will try to bargain with you, make promises to “do better”, blame you for throwing her out, refuse to go, etc. if you’re up to it, find someplace for her to go. Is there anyone else who will take her? You will have to have an iron resolve. If worse comes to worst, call Adult Protective Services and tell them you can no longer handle her and what do you do.
I might start with a legal consult with an Elder Law attorney to see what your rights and responsibilities are.
Does she suffer from any kind of cognitive decline? If so, I'd be concerned that it appears that you have taken her on as her responsible person, since she lives with you. And that, it would be incumbent upon the responsible family member to ensure that she is someone safe. If she's competent, then, I suppose that would not be an issue.
So, then, I'd explore what her options are and what she can afford.
Oh my goodness it’s like she is in the marriage. That young and moved in with you and your DH. I can’t imagine doing that to any of my children. I am estranged from my mother for such narcissistic behavior and I still have guilt but my DH and children keep me strong. Thank God for your husband he must be so kind to allow her in your home for 20 years. Yes I agree seek professional help asap and take care of your family.
Tessa If your mom is ready to move, contact the Area Agency on Aging and ask for their assistance in finding her housing. If you feel there is going to be a problem then you probably should get legal advise. As your mother has lived with you so long you may have to evict her as has been mentioned. It depends on the laws of your state. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a contract. Come back and let us know what you find out and which route you take.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
After only twenty years of it?
Why now? What was the last straw?
Does she suffer from any kind of cognitive decline? If so, I'd be concerned that it appears that you have taken her on as her responsible person, since she lives with you. And that, it would be incumbent upon the responsible family member to ensure that she is someone safe. If she's competent, then, I suppose that would not be an issue.
So, then, I'd explore what her options are and what she can afford.
You can start eviction proceedings. Google "eviction"and the name of your municipality.
If she becomes out of control or ill, call 911 and have her transported to the ER.
If your mom is ready to move, contact the Area Agency on Aging and ask for their assistance in finding her housing.
If you feel there is going to be a problem then you probably should get legal advise. As your mother has lived with you so long you may have to evict her as has been mentioned. It depends on the laws of your state. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a contract.
Come back and let us know what you find out and which route you take.