I've been my mother's caretaker for some yrs. She needs dental work so she can eat. And she has diabetes, food allergies so I'm get very stressed trying to figure what she can eat. She says it's OK that she eats what she can. Very frustrating. My Dad had to move in after a serious surgery in which his leg was amputated below knee. I was his care taker for 2 yrs. He unexpectly passed last fall. I'm beyond exhausted and devastated. Had lost my nephew and my sister before. My health has plummeted. My attitude is I guess harsh toned to my husband.. he's a good man but has drinking problem and no health problems so he does help me like he used to.. but he works every day.. I need some surgeries but not able to have. I stay home, I don't trust leaving moma alone. I'm sunk emotionally Mentally and physically as far as can be. Don't know what to do. Broken. Dad passed and he was my rock! I fall asleep during day. Can't get to sleep til early morn. 😩and then only few hrs. I feel bad mix of feelings. Ty for reading. Sounds like I'm feeling sorry for self but I'm not. I'm just broken sick and devastated
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. My dad, too, was my rock. I didn't realize just how much I needed one person in my life to love me unconditionally--and that's what he was to me.
We're NEVER ready to lose that person. Go ahead and grieve, but be aware that you have other responsibilities you've taken on.
You could benefit from some talk therapy and perhaps an antidepressant. Losing loved ones affects all of us differently. You need to have a safe place to talk, and then to receive support and ideas on how to function.
Assuming mom lives with you? She doesn't sound difficult to deal with--what's the holdup with getting her dental work done? Once that happens and she's healed, finding foods she can eat will be easier. I am really surprised at the small amounts of food my mom eats and the repetitiveness of them. A salad everyday and dinner is usually a good quality frozen entree she heats up. She has no appetite, really. When mom is healed, figure out the easiest and healthiest route you can go. If she's capable, have her help with meal prep.
I got spoiled while undergoing chemo with the meals in a kit that are out there! I can get 6 days a week of dinners (and there's always too much, so then I have tomorrow's lunch!)....costwise, they are less than buying the ingredients.
You sound as if you are just really, really depressed. There is much help for that.
Maybe a support group (I personally didn't like these) but therapy saved me, over and over.
Here's a shoulder to cry on and lots of hugs. Life is hard...but it can get better.
Call your PCP TODAY and get in for a full physical. While PCP's don't like to deal with AD's, they will prescribe and then help you find a psych doc. Good Luck. And come back here as often as you need.
It's obvious from reading your post that you are doing nothing to take care of yourself, but everything to care for others. You have it backwards my dear. You must take care of yourself FIRST, before you can be of any good to others. Perhaps it's time to hire some outside help in to look after your mom(with her money of course)so you can get out and have some fun. It may be something as simple as going to get a pedicure, or lunch with a friend, but you need to be getting away and doing something you enjoy, so you can rejuvenate your soul. Otherwise you will end up in the statistics where the caregiver dies before the one being cared for.
You are worthy of being cared for as well, and by the sounds of it, you're the only one that can make that happen, so please start today and do something kind for yourself. You might just be surprised how your frame of mind will change for the better if you start making yourself a priority.
And don't hesitate too, to get yourself some therapy or counseling to work through all your feelings, and everything you've been through. I wish you peace, and strength for your journey, but mostly I wish that you get your "joy" back. God bless you.
Is there anyone you can bring in to help you? You need to take time for yourself. In all the supporting other people, you have been set aside and you need to support yourself and find others who also will. Friends, therapy, support groups psw whatever you can find..You need to be the priority.
Just reading your post I am exhausted for you.
Losing parents is hard. Caring for a parent alone is very difficult. Neglecting ourselves is common. I neglected myself until an asthma attack put me in the hospital. I had no choice but to start caring for myself then.
Don’t wait until something happens like with me. Schedule appointments. Call an agency to stay with your mom and go.
In fact, call Council on Aging in your area to get an assessment for your mom’s needs. Then start planning on getting regular help. If caregiving at home is more than you can handle, start investigating facility care.
It would help to speak to a therapist about your caregiving, your husband’s drinking and your needs.
Best wishes to your family.