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I prepare three meals a day, seven days a week for my dementia father (who has swallowing issues and his food has to be pureed) and my mother (who has mobility issues). I try my best to make appealing and nutritious meals for them and also make meals for my husband. It is really getting to be too much because my mother complains about what I serve her, except breakfast. She pokes around the meal and when she asks what it is I know she doesn't like it. I told her that it would help me tremendously if she would tell me what she would like, but she can never tell me so I make what I think she would like. I have caregivers seven days a week, but they don't cook meals, they only serve them and hand feed my father. Promptly at 9 a.m., 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. the caregivers come to ask me if the food is ready so they can give it to my parents. Cooking meals has become a major source of irritation to me because now I feel like I am tied down. Sometimes I get frozen meals but my mother complains that she does not like the meat. She does not like pasta or rice so I don't make it. I find it hard to hear criticism for everything I do, especially when I put in so much effort to make it. My husband likes everything I make but my mother is a hard one to please and it makes me feel like I don't want to do this. I find her attitude rude and unappreciative.

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Could you give her breakfast food three times a day? Could your mother cook for herself? If she still is able to use her hands, she could at least do the prep work. I'd be tempted to do what I do with my sn daughter. This is what we are having for supper, if you don't like it you can have (whatever you think, but something very easy for you, perhaps a yogurt) or go without. It's horrible to try to help people and be told you are doing a sh** job.
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Meals on wheels for mom? She may complain about them too, but at least you won't have to feel personally responsible, and it would be one less thing for you to do. And if she is offered one nutritious meal per day she can probably make due with snacks or less healthy favourites the rest of the time.
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Even better, just get her a case in ENsure.
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When my mom was in the NH, she complained about the meals too. Sometimes she had good reason, but most of the time it was just to have something to complain about. I would not go out of your way and stress yourself out trying to be a chef for her. Make simple, nutritious meals, the same meal for her as for everyone else. She won’t let herself starve!
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We had a question very much like this some time ago. You will never please your mum. That is how she is - rude and unappreciative. Setting boundaries about her complaints would help you. "Mum, this is what we are having for supper. If you don't like it there are microwaveable dinners in the freezer. Help yourself." Answer her very matter of factly. I agree Meals on Wheels  and Ensure are other alternatives if she doesn't like your cooking.
Cut off her complaints, change the subject, talk about the weather...
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Where I live you only have to be over 65 and/or disabled to qualify for MOW. If you're not below some income thresshold, there's a charge, but I was very ok with that for Dad. They took quite a load off of me when Dad needed them, and I'll always be grateful. Actually, at some point, I hope to be able to volunteer for them.
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Let her know her options. Next time she starts the whining state that her choices are she either eats what has been made or she can have a slice of butter bread in lieu of what's for dinner. If she doesn't like those choices, she can either wait until the next meal or starve, this isn't a restaurant.
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Is preparing meals not in the professional caregivers’ job description? Our caregivers prepare breakfast and lunch and we cook supper. That’s just the way we set it up. If food preparation is allowed I would delegate this to them. Your mother may not complain as much when someone other than you prepared the meal.
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When my Dad complains about my cooking, I apologize for being a terrible cook. And tell him that Mom should have spent more time teaching me. Then we both laugh. ha-ha-grrrr. Actually I'm not a bad cook, it's just not to his liking I guess. If I had caregivers in the evening, I would make it THEIR JOB to cook. Seems like you're getting the raw end of the deal.
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"Thank you for the feedback, Mom. If you're finished, may I take your plate?" She won't starve herself, and you can't make her eat. Let it go.
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