Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Think of it as the desire to please someone in authority - doctor, nurse, OT, whatever. They put out extra effort - and it is effort just as much as physical exercise - and have totally used up their strength for the day. With therapy the hope is that this particular "muscle" can reach a point where the effort is less extreme and they can regain some normal level of speech, but just like physical therapy the motivation has to outweigh the effort involved. Unfortunately because the brain is damaged in stroke or dementia the motivation is often damaged as well.
“Speech” and “language” and “communication” are highly complex skills that often present with wildly varied outcomes. My “in care” relative produces a degree of communication that is probably at it’s best with me, and less so with her caregivers in assisted living, mostly because she has said that she can “yell” at me and “insult” me, and she has to be much more guarded with “strangers”. I love her as she is, and if she feels like insulting me it’s OK with me, because she loved me for 90+ years and I know in my heart that she loves me now.
Been there. They absolutely do, they are putting on a show that they are perfectly fine, then they relax when they are with you. That being said any medical member worth their salt should know what the patient with vascular dementia is doing. Make sure to have a full break at least once a week so you can keep your strength up.
Have you ever seen a child do something for someone else but not a parent or other family member? Have you ever seen a teacher get a student to understand something that you have been trying to explain for hours and hours and hours?
My Husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I think he also had Vascular Dementia. We were together for almost 38 years. I could probably count the number of times he said thank you when I brought dinner to the table, brought a drink to him when he was watching TV. (I usually got a kiss though) But in the last years one of his favorite things was walking through Costco or Sam's Club (with the help of a shopping cart then later his walker) and stopping to see each of the people giving samples of the various products. He would get a sample of bread with butter and say "thank you" the next stop was a sip of juice and he would say "thank you". We would get home for lunch and did I get a thank you?.....nope! Did it bother me...nope I would chuckle and it would be another thing for me to wonder and marvel at, this disease that destroys the mind but somehow bits and pieces of the person that I love still manages to break through once in a while. Often it seems when you are caring for a person for so long the words become less important like old friends that can finish a sentence for each other, siblings that seem to read each others mind, You almost know what is needed, so waiting to hear it seems unnecessary. My Husband was pretty much nonverbal so when I heard him say thank you it was surprising but so good to hear his voice again. At home, it was rare that I heard a word from him. I could get him to laugh though and while I would have loved to hear.."I love you" I loved his laugh!
Yep, showtimers. My dad, whom shuffles and walks like a tortoise, took off like he had been shot in the bum. We just looked at one another, shook our heads and told the PT, nope, that is not the way he walks, not even close.
Ugly, brutal disease, that can kill the caregiver and break your heart everyday. Find time to socialize with people you love and can share happy times with. Do things for you everyday, if you weren't their, what would your loved one do? Think about that when the guilt tries to break in and keep you hostage to this awful disease. It is okay to have others help and give you a break. It's like a baby, if you jump everytime they squeal, they learn, if you let them squeal, they learn it may take time and they may self redirect but you are in control.
Hugs 2 u on this journey! Learn to laugh and let go, doing otherwise doesn't make it better, it just makes a hard trial harder.
Focused intelligence is a light in the dark. The Will drives everyone. I am learning to appreciate those beacons of her soul when apparent. Love cures when mixed with acceptance of the notion that we are here to serve. Surrender self? Easier done than stated? Practice appreciating the glimmers works for me lately.
Hey many a husband tunes how his wife [& vice versa] without any dementia so they are just following an old practice! - of course he hears everyone else & it probably would be the same without the dementia
Same here. My husband (vascular dementia after stroke) would try valiantly with his speech and occupational therapists. But as soon as we left to go home - not a peep. Just pointing to what he wanted to see etc. I tried to get him to talk to no avail. Finally asking if he was exhausted from the therapy he just nodded. And finally the therapy became too much for him and it was strictly non-verbal communication for us. It is difficult road to travel, as all of us here have learned and some are still learning. Try to take care of yourself, something I should have done, but didn't and did not realize until my care giving days were over.
From all outward appearances, my late mother "appeared" just fine. She was not at all fine. She was demanding to live alone even though she was legally blind, had A-fib, Congestive Heart Failure, Arthritis, such low blood pressure to passing out and a host of other things. So yes, showtiming, acting, sugar coating are things an elder can do.
I am sorry some of the posters here were impatient with you or rude regarding your question.
It is difficult to fathom the behavior you described for a non-medically savvy person, so please do not feel badly for being a bit confused by his behavior. It is confusing.
With that said, it is likely that he is comfortable with you, if you are his wife, and does not feel the need to have to speak when you are around.
People that we are very close to are often the people we use non-verbal communication with or can just sit comfortably silent with.
He likely feels more of a need to communicate his wishes verbally to stranger.
It is not that he is not comfortable speaking to you with his concerns. In my opinion, people tend to be more open or verbal to strangers especially to someone with authority.
Let me add that I knew a man who was similar. It was my daughter's late FIL. He didn't like that he had gotten vascular dementia and guess who he took it out on? You guessed it. His wife. He would pound his fists to demand food from her and squish his beer can (no, of course he shouldn't have been consuming it) when he was almost out of beer, but not quite, making the beer go all over the sofa!
Thank you for opening a subject that has been troubling me for years. My husband has Parkinson's and by now can only whisper and is barely audible. Over the past 5 years I have taken him for three rounds of the gold standard of treatment for PD called LSVT Loud. Each course of treatments consists of four hour-long sessions per week for four weeks, with homework. When he didn't practice and show improvement, I took him to individual speech therapists who assessed him as having the capacity to produce voice if only he would practice it, which he did not. I got him a voice-generating program to use on his i-pad, which translates his typed words into human voice. This has been challenging at best and frustrating for both of us. At this point, there is little communication between us because I can't even read his writing. It is so frustrating. Of all the losses we have suffered over the years, the ability to communicate has been one of the most painful. I have run out of options and must accept the inability to interact with him verbally. I can empathize with the considerable effort all this speech therapy has required of my husband, but still feel hurt that he did not feel our relationship was worth the effort.
I understand your hurt, but those with dementia sometimes don't have the ability to try even if they have the desire. I've read that apathy is often part of PD, so I'd like to share a Teepa Snow video with you that might help you find a different perspective- youtube.com/watch?v=bvXKH6UoROs
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
it up. Search this forum.
Toughen up. Now.
I am NOT being an azz.
Our parents’ Dementia Head Games reflect NOTHING — other than the failings of their own brains.
And their family’s desire to cling to any scrap of hope. No matter how false.
My “in care” relative produces a degree of communication that is probably at it’s best with me, and less so with her caregivers in assisted living, mostly because she has said that she can “yell” at me and “insult” me, and she has to be much more guarded with “strangers”.
I love her as she is, and if she feels like insulting me it’s OK with me, because she loved me for 90+ years and I know in my heart that she loves me now.
That being said any medical member worth their salt should know what the patient with vascular dementia is doing.
Make sure to have a full break at least once a week so you can keep your strength up.
Have you ever seen a teacher get a student to understand something that you have been trying to explain for hours and hours and hours?
My Husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I think he also had Vascular Dementia. We were together for almost 38 years. I could probably count the number of times he said thank you when I brought dinner to the table, brought a drink to him when he was watching TV. (I usually got a kiss though) But in the last years one of his favorite things was walking through Costco or Sam's Club (with the help of a shopping cart then later his walker) and stopping to see each of the people giving samples of the various products. He would get a sample of bread with butter and say "thank you" the next stop was a sip of juice and he would say "thank you". We would get home for lunch and did I get a thank you?.....nope! Did it bother me...nope I would chuckle and it would be another thing for me to wonder and marvel at, this disease that destroys the mind but somehow bits and pieces of the person that I love still manages to break through once in a while.
Often it seems when you are caring for a person for so long the words become less important like old friends that can finish a sentence for each other, siblings that seem to read each others mind, You almost know what is needed, so waiting to hear it seems unnecessary.
My Husband was pretty much nonverbal so when I heard him say thank you it was surprising but so good to hear his voice again. At home, it was rare that I heard a word from him. I could get him to laugh though and while I would have loved to hear.."I love you" I loved his laugh!
Ugly, brutal disease, that can kill the caregiver and break your heart everyday. Find time to socialize with people you love and can share happy times with. Do things for you everyday, if you weren't their, what would your loved one do? Think about that when the guilt tries to break in and keep you hostage to this awful disease. It is okay to have others help and give you a break. It's like a baby, if you jump everytime they squeal, they learn, if you let them squeal, they learn it may take time and they may self redirect but you are in control.
Hugs 2 u on this journey! Learn to laugh and let go, doing otherwise doesn't make it better, it just makes a hard trial harder.
of the notion that we are here to serve. Surrender self?
Easier done than stated? Practice appreciating the glimmers works for me lately.
I am sorry some of the posters here were impatient with you or rude regarding your question.
It is difficult to fathom the behavior you described for a non-medically savvy person, so please do not feel badly for being a bit confused by his behavior. It is confusing.
With that said, it is likely that he is comfortable with you, if you are his wife, and does not feel the need to have to speak when you are around.
People that we are very close to are often the people we use non-verbal communication with or can just sit comfortably silent with.
He likely feels more of a need to communicate his wishes verbally to stranger.
I am sorry you have to deal with this.
Sending hugs.
youtube.com/watch?v=bvXKH6UoROs