Hospital says not it's safe for dad to leave and could take months to place him. They are keeping my dad until they can find assisted living or memory care unit that 1.) He can afford 2.) That will accept him given he has now had 2 behavioral incidents at the hospital. Case management says it could take months, and he will be in the hospital until they can find him a space. We also will have no say on the location. They are not looking into financial assistance for 24-hour care at home and it is cost prohibitive for us to provide 24/7 care. I feel incredibly guilty for getting my dad in his worst nightmare, but he was having a bit of Suicidal Ideation, dementia and depression and calling 911 2-3 times per week. He would forget in 45 min that he even had the thought. Is is medically clear, but deemed a risk and harmful. I am just trying to grapple with the idea that 2 weeks ago when I thought I was getting help by having a psych eval and getting the hospital involved has led to the possibility of his family not being able to be near him. He also is so angry with me. While I know deep down it isn’t the real him; it hurts so badly.
Does anyone know how to look for facilities that would take on riskier dementia patients?
If the hospital says there are no facilities then there aren't. Facilities keep in touch with hospitals about having empty beds. Dad is safe where he is until they find something for him. Medicare and his suplimental should be taking care of the bill. You are not responsible for payment in any way.
As to any feelings of guilt, let that g-word go at once. You didn't cause this and you can't fix it. Embrace the OTHER g-word which is grief. This is worth grieving. It is painful and sad to all involved. Not everything can be fixed. Sometimes things fall under "everyone's doing the best we can". I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you.
Besides the suicide ideation and calling 911 two or three times a week (which is nothing), what are the risks to himself and others?
It is hard when the elder cannot understand their circumstances & blames family. *Old Age* is to blame really..
Have you sought counselling or called a help line or similar for some support for yourself during this change/crises time?
Currently he is in a hospital which actually is probably taking better care of him than if he went to a facility. There is the possiblility that they will find a facility only to have them call 911 with behavior. I hope you realize that this is a long term process reguardless if he is still in a hospital or in a psychiatric facility.
Try not to feel guilty, it is his disease.