Short-term memory loss or just recovering?

You've been given a lot of good answers as to what could be going on. Finding a geriatrician for a PCP would be excellent. Or consult a geriatric psychiatrist for the immediate issues.

I want to focus on just one factor contributing to MIL's current state: grief. MIL lost her husband less than 4 months ago. He'd lived a long life, and he apparently was reasonably healthy in his old age. His death was sudden and unexpected. What a shock to his wife! Under normal circumstances we would expect this recent widow still to be in a deep state of grief.

I was surprised to learn that grief can present itself cognitively. I was not shocked when my husband died -- we were both expecting it. But I was, of course, deeply grieved. I was prepared for emotional outbursts or very sad periods. That didn't happen. Instead I had brain fog and memory lapses. I tried to buy my groceries with my library card. I was becoming quite concerned. But two psychiatrists and a psychologist (I was seeing them for different reasons) assured me that while cognitive (instead of emotional) mourning is not typical, it is not abnormal. This was just part of my grieving and it would pass. It was and it did. (You might look up bereavement or grief or mourning if you are interested in this concept.)

It has been less than 4 months since MIL had that life-altering loss. In the "old days" she would still be wearing black, to remind folks that she was fragile at this time. The loss alone could account for unusual behaviors.

But she did not have only the loss to contend with. She had major assaults by disturbing infections. She had flareups of her chronic conditions. She had changes in her environment not once but twice and now she is back home.

I think it would be surprising if she didn't have drastic reactions to all of this. And I would think it would take a long time to recover. (She will never "recover" from the loss of her husband, but her behavior will become more rational as time passes.)

Could she also have dementia? Certainly. According to the National Institute of Health, 25% of people her age have dementia. That statistic is a little lower for men and a little higher for women. Keep in mind that dementia can develop in the brain for years before it becomes obvious. It is not likely that all these other events caused dementia (if she has it) but that they may have been a factor in triggering the dementia to show itself now.

Time will help sort out what is going on with MIL.
1) Try to get her appointments with a geriatrician for her PCP, and also to get a referral to a specialist -- a geriatric psychiatrist, or perhaps a behavioral neurologist who has extensive experience with dementia.
2) Be gentle with her. She is in mourning!
3) Begin learning about dementia. It is very possible she doesn't have it, but considering the statistics you will know other people who develop dementia, and you learning will not be wasted!
4) If feasible, I think I would try to make it safe for her to remain where she is now, until her condition stabilizes. She may eventually need a care center, but the poor dear has been through more environment changes than she can handle right now. It would be good if she can be supported where she is, in my opinion.

Keep in touch here. We care!

It is a lot for someone to go through! A lot for your poor MIL of course, but a lot for you and DH to get your heads round, too. And all on top of bereavement. Hugs and sympathy.

If your MIL has only just got home it seems reasonable to hope she may improve once she's had a chance to settle, but as you say I would look seriously for a doctor who's a better fit.

I'm frowning over one point - the NH said her 'breathing spells' are panic attacks? Treating anxiety may be helpful anyway, but on the other hand if you couldn't breathe, you'd panic too! And the lady has severe COPD. So, what matters is how you should manage any further spells/attacks/episodes - I'd be seeking urgent advice on that.

Short answer..Yes.
She could be recovering from hospital stay and rehab stay. She may also have a type of dementia.
She is also dealing with the death of a spouse one of the high point items for stress, (along with moving and if you consider a stay in the hospital and a stay in rehab that is sort of like moving).
And yes it sounds like you need to change doctors, I would look for one that specializes in geriatrics. And you might also want to look for a neurologist. Or there are neuropsychologists that work with neurologists and between the two disciplines they are better able to get a good idea what is going on.
Side note..as for the picture. It is sort of new...and if she has been in the hospital and then it may not have been there long enough to make a permanent spot in her mind. We often "see" things but not "see" them. We will see that there is a picture, we know it is a picture because it is in a frame, it is hanging on the wall but we may not see the whole picture then when we really look at it and realize it is a picture of a farm field in the setting sun. I drive by the same buildings day after day then one day I drive by and a building is gone and they are putting up a new one. Well the old one did not disappear over night it took a few days to tear it down and clean up the site. We see things but they often do not register. How many times do you drive to work, then half way there you look around and wonder how you got to that intersection without realizing you were at that point in your trip? We go on auto pilot thinking about other things.

It is gradually being accepted that drugs of certain types can cause memory loss or further exacerbate it. Look up the Beers List. My friends in Winter Park, FL, have agreed to stop taking Lipitor and similar drugs saying they would rather die of a heart issue than dementia. I occasionally work with an Integrative Medicine MD who tells of a rigorous protocol for reversing memory loss having to do with diet change and detox regimins etc. MDs are trained to treat with drugs or surgery and are usually no help at all.

Here are my opinions. It's probably everything. My mom (93) is on Buspar and zoloft and I do give her a potassium booster.

My mom has dementia. I never let her get sent to the rehab hospitals. I just have the rehab come to her in home. That cuts down the rehab effect. They always (100%) want to send them to rehab after a hospital stay. I just tell them no. It was bad for my dad and my mom. I just have caregivers and PT at home.

I think the more you have physical contact with her (lean against her...hold her hand, etc.) and have meaningful discussions...you can draw her back faster. Afternoon naps can help with sundowners too. Standing and walking helps.

Being in the house with her and making yourself busy around her is not nearly as good as the contact and the talking.

Good luck.

Look at TEEPA SNOW's Positive Approach to Care website or call them; Teepa is one of the leading experts on dementia. I do her webinars - over the last two years and read monthly newsletters - and more. There is a lot of educational offerings available.

I agree with the other replies, all well said. Just an encouraging addition - my mom has been very confused several times, and even combative from UTIs and a terrible disease - autoimmune encephalitis. We never dreamed she would recover mentally, but she is sharp as can be at 88 years. I just hung up from speaking with her and what a testimony to how amazing the brain is! Just have faith and don't give up yet. Do as much as you can to engage her and if possible help her escape from her confining environment from time to time to reconnect with the outside world - even if it is a short drive. There is also an inexpensive digital clock on Amazon that shows the time, date, and day of the week. She and my 94-year-old dad love it and have stopped forgetting (and asking over and over) what day it is. Another caregiver on this site mentioned electrolytes a few weeks ago, so I added Pedialyte to my parent's daily intake. Honestly, it seems to my siblings and I, that has helped reduce my dad's confusion as much as anything else. A heartfelt "thank you" to whomever shared that information! You might give it a try.

Many elderly become delusional from a UTI or a move to a new place (especially a hospital or rehab facility). It takes a week or two for this to work itself out, but could take longer. I would suggest you buy a pill organizer and that YOU put them in the organizer so you can see what she does and does not take - any medication foul up will cause more problems with her mental state. It sounds like she lives alone which may not be the safest environment for her in her current state. One factor of dementia is that the patient can remember things from long ago yet cannot remember more recent things.
My 94 year old Mom started to display dementia 2 years ago and was in and out of hospitals and rehabs. I brought her to my home which was very stressful for everyone and exacerbated her dementia (new environment). In retrospect, it might have been better to hire someone to live with her part or full time or to have her in an assisted living facility ..... as difficult as that would be. She started to display severe anxiety and kept trying to escape my home. She ate and drank little and no coercing helped. She ended up in the hospital from dehydration, continuous falls, and high blood pressure. I started researching assisted living facilities for her release from the hospital when they told me she qualified for a hospice facility nearby. They had to medicate her heavily due to her anxiety level and she basically slept for a week and died there.
Good luck - it sounds like you are in for a long difficult journey - hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

I would have her primary care doctor look over all of her medications. She may have some which are causing her confusion. Oxygen therapy can be u seful too in some of these cases.

When the summarized version of your question arrived in my inbox, all I saw was "my husband thinks Mom just needs time to recover from an 8 week stay in rehab", which I thought was intended to mean that the rehab facility was the source of her problems. So, I came here to address that because my research shows it IS a very common issue for elderly to receive subpar care in rehab facilities, or attention is given by staff to one or two needs while neglecting all others, and thereby creating new health issues.
But, I see that's not really your question.
From what I"ve read, being disoriented is common and you may end up going to multiple docs and having numerous tests conclude nothing, and then she just gets better on her own....or she doesn't, but it's all despite the many doctors. I"m not suggesting that you avoid docs, but sometimes just a good diet and lack of stress makes a huge difference with time.
That said, the stress of her grief will be impossible for you to determine or remedy, though distractions can help.
Best of luck to you.