Here we go again... guardian or referee?
My brother and SIL divorced after 38 years of marriage. It was a friendly divorce as well as I could see; they continued to live in the house for about a year as my brother worked on emptying it and doing repairs to get it ready to sell. They had one child who was grown and they split all the money right down the center. They only had one divorce attorney. My former SIL then basically cut communications with my entire side of the family while several of her sisters and nieces remained FB friends and causal communications with me. I asked them occasionally if my former SIL was doing okay. I still considered her family but if she didn't want communications/contact, then I respected that even if I didn't understand it.
Then she contacted covid and was discovered in her apartment unresponsive and lying in a bed covered with vomit. After several weeks, she was released to rehab while still somewhat confused at times. At times, she didn't remember she was divorced or that her daughter was working in a nearby town. She didn't score too well on the mini-eval either. The doctors are not sure at this point if the mental confusion is temporary or permanent. She may have been oxygen deprived enough during covid to have some lasting effects.
Shortly after she entered rehab, a nephew shows up and decides to care for her at his home, gets her to check herself out of rehab, and moves her into his house. Nephew decides daughter doesn't need to visit and my SIL does not need all the medication she has been prescribed (daughter objected to him deciding what medicine her mother needed). The daughter calls APS who determines SIL is being neglected and financially abused and places her back in rehab. A caseworker arrives at my door with documents provided by her attorney. It seems at the time of her divorce, she had the lawyer create POA and end-of-life directive documents naming me as her POA (both durable and healthcare). She didn't talk to me about it but left a document stating I was younger than she and my brother and she didn't want her daughter forced to make decisions if they were truly needed. APS was offering to support a court ordered temporary guardianship in my favor. I reluctantly accepted and now I'm a guardian again. With a family that is glad and mad as a hornet that I am! Did I mention my SIL is one of 14 children? She is one of the younger ones and a few had already died, but they have children.
All I have done is pay her apartment rent for the conclusion of the lease and demand all her stuff be returned to the apartment. If she recovers, she will have her home to return to. If she is not able to return to the apartment, then we will clean it out then (or maybe her daughter will choose to take over the lease). The big stink is over her jewelry. My brother and SIL had good jobs for over a decade before their child was born and she loved gold chains. She (and my brother) purchased several heavy gold chains (expensive in the 80s and now _very_ expensive). Some of the family says SIL gave them the chains, but some of the family disagrees. In any case, I can prove they were removed while SIL was in the hospital and I stated if they were not returned I would pursue criminal charges.
I have started arrangements for her to enter the AL/MC I had chosen for my mother if SIL cannot live independently after rehab. APS restricted the nephew and his wife they found guilty of neglect and financial abuse from visiting SIL. The daughter is "glad" I am the guardian - so she doesn't need to have her relatives mad at _her_. SIL seems to be doing fine and getting better. Maybe this won't last long... in six months the judge will review the guardianship; ending it, extending it, or making it permanent. In a way, it seems easier (emotionally) than caring for my parents. But then one of her relatives calls to tell me what care she needs or to cuss me out...
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Sounds like you had zero idea you were her representative. I personally would ASK my POA to do the job (which I actually have done, so this kind of thing cannot happen).
You're an angel to take this on. I am glad you have good feelings between you and former SIL.
You're doing all the 'right' things and with grace and obvious care. If family calls for updates, that;s one thing. if they're calling to cuss you out, reming them you DID NOT ask for this, you are doing your best and if they can't be helpful, they can stop calling.
As far as the 'disappearance' of her jewelry--if they don't cough it up, maybe contact the police? If SIL did not write down her desires of where she wanted these to go, that's basically theft. Or maybe ask your brother to handle this. Or let it go.
Anyway--you're an angel, really. I wish you the best!
You may not like to hear this, but it's good that SIL gave you POA, because perhaps she understood that those big decisions would be too upsetting for her daughter. I remember taking an estate planning class in which the instructor strongly suggested giving POA to someone who is a bit detached emotionally from the person giving it. His mother couldn't make the decision to remove life support from his dad for a full three weeks after he suffered a devastating stroke. The mother of one of my friends spent $750,000 on futile medical care for her dad because she couldn't let him go.
It sounds like your SIL recognized you as having a level head in a crisis, and judging by the actions of the nephew, it's obvious what she thought of her 13 siblings and their kids.
I do think though that you're the ideal person for management of this situation, and carrying out steps needed for the benefit of your SIL.
It's easy to advise not to let the naysayers and intervenors affect your judgment, or even harass, meddle and interfere to pursue their own goals. But through reading your threads and posts, I know you're the person to rise above this.
I do wish you peace, solace, and plenty of down time to continue with the help that your SIL needs to recover.
In agreement with CWillie: "Bless you Techie, you are a wonderful person for taking this on!"
As for the gold chains. Divide them up equally among their children. If the kids can't agree, sell them and divide the money between them (with your cut subtracted of course. Why should you have to do the work to sell them for nothing?).
Also, your brother needs to step up and get his kids in line about their mother's care and whatever property they have. That is his responsibility. Not yours.
Please stop letting these people walk all over you because that is what they're doing.
Seems no other family member is in the Will. All the stuff taken needs to be returned. It was theft. Don't u just love families.
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