Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Sounds like you've signed up for a nightmare, frankly, between the alcoholism and his 'kids' accusing you of all kinds of dastardly deeds.
First, the food issue: not eating meat is the least of DHs problems. He's not going to get malnutrition from eating soup, noodles and mashed potatoes. He will, however, poison his body by continuing to drink to excess, not to mention he can easily bring on alcohol induced dementia which will be another GIANT problem for YOU to deal with.
Get a lawyer TODAY to find out what YOUR rights are. DH may be your best friend and your husband, but sometimes love is not enough. Especially when you're facing THESE kinds of obstacles in your later years in life. DHs kiddies can take care of him if they're so worried and concerned about him!!!! Tell them to come pick his arse up IMMEDIATELY and the problems are officially over with. Why do I think they won't buy into that program?
Call a lawyer #1 and get to Al Anon meetings #2, so you can understand how you're being manipulated as a care giver and wife of an alcoholic who won't stop drinking.
Wishing you the VERY BEST OF LUCK moving forward. Please take care of YOU, ok?
Are his teeth bothering him? Is it possible he's not eating meat because its painful to chew? As far as the alcoholism, you can seek out Al-anon in your area. I know its been helpful to some people I know.
I'm guessing your tears are not because of what he is eating, but because you are tired of putting up with his drinking. Please take care of yourself first by getting some help for yourself. Al-Anon might be a good place to start, along with personal therapy. You cannot change your husband, but you can change yourself, so start there.
As far as him eating only soft foods, sounds like his teeth might be bad, and he just can't chew like he once did. I know in the last several years of my husbands life, he couldn't chew meat any longer, because his teeth were bad (dentist wanted to remove them so he could have dentures, but he refused) so he had to eat only soft foods as well.
Please take care of yourself. You deserve it. God bless you.
You should contact your local AA and ask about Al-Anon meetings. You will get much help there. Alcoholics have very little appetite for food. This is common for them. Al-Anon will be a great help to you.
Thank you for the detail in your profile. It sounds like you have a great deal going on with his kids too.
You have been a couple for 5 years, but only married earlier this year.
Is the limited diet a new thing or has it been for most your 5 years together? You have already been offered possible reasons for his choice of soft foods. I just wanted to reassure you that seniors often develop strange and limited diets, but live for years in them.
In my family my ex’s Granny lived on Campbell’s Cheddar Cheese soup for 35 years. She choked on a piece of meat when she was a young woman and never ate another bite of it.
Uncle Butch ate hot dogs for lunch and dinner for 25 years. I cannot remember what started that and it could very well have gone on much longer than that.
Now the alcoholism. Unfortunately I have first hand experience from a relationship with one and a late family member who was one. Al Anon is a good starting point. If he was drinking when you met, you need to think about what you saw in him that had you look past the drinking and decide he was a suitable partner. You may need therapy to come to terms with this beyond what Al Anon offers. I know I did.
His kids sound like they are a another problem. I am curious, how did the two of you meet and is there a significant age gap between the two of you?
Did the calls to APS only start after the wedding? If yes, they maybe are feeling their inheritance is being threatened. All you can do is document their actions, record every penny spent, and prepare yourself for the mess when your husband dies.
Lastly how is your husband getting the booze? Is he driving drunk to buy it? Are you buying it? Is he ordering it for delivery? Is there any way you can intercept it? As an alcoholic he cannot go cold turkey, but metered consumption may help.
Yes, you need a lawyer. If money is a problem call ur County Office of Aging and ask for a number for Legal aid. At this point you may want to do a consult only.
Would husband be considered competent to make his own decisions? If so, not much the children can do. He is an adult and can make his own decisions. He can spend his money the way he wants. Seems you have been there for him when no one else was.
Unless his kids have loads of money they may not be able to pay the cost of a lawyer. So its reporting the suspected abuse to Adult Protection Services. They will investigate and if they see nothing out of the norm, the case will be closed. They maybe able to help you with some resources.
I agree, maybe it hurts him to chew. A trip to a dentist may help. His diet seems OK to me for now.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
First, the food issue: not eating meat is the least of DHs problems. He's not going to get malnutrition from eating soup, noodles and mashed potatoes. He will, however, poison his body by continuing to drink to excess, not to mention he can easily bring on alcohol induced dementia which will be another GIANT problem for YOU to deal with.
Get a lawyer TODAY to find out what YOUR rights are. DH may be your best friend and your husband, but sometimes love is not enough. Especially when you're facing THESE kinds of obstacles in your later years in life. DHs kiddies can take care of him if they're so worried and concerned about him!!!! Tell them to come pick his arse up IMMEDIATELY and the problems are officially over with. Why do I think they won't buy into that program?
Call a lawyer #1 and get to Al Anon meetings #2, so you can understand how you're being manipulated as a care giver and wife of an alcoholic who won't stop drinking.
Wishing you the VERY BEST OF LUCK moving forward. Please take care of YOU, ok?
As far as him eating only soft foods, sounds like his teeth might be bad, and he just can't chew like he once did. I know in the last several years of my husbands life, he couldn't chew meat any longer, because his teeth were bad (dentist wanted to remove them so he could have dentures, but he refused) so he had to eat only soft foods as well.
Please take care of yourself. You deserve it. God bless you.
You have been a couple for 5 years, but only married earlier this year.
Is the limited diet a new thing or has it been for most your 5 years together? You have already been offered possible reasons for his choice of soft foods. I just wanted to reassure you that seniors often develop strange and limited diets, but live for years in them.
In my family my ex’s Granny lived on Campbell’s Cheddar Cheese soup for 35 years. She choked on a piece of meat when she was a young woman and never ate another bite of it.
Uncle Butch ate hot dogs for lunch and dinner for 25 years. I cannot remember what started that and it could very well have gone on much longer than that.
Now the alcoholism. Unfortunately I have first hand experience from a relationship with one and a late family member who was one. Al Anon is a good starting point. If he was drinking when you met, you need to think about what you saw in him that had you look past the drinking and decide he was a suitable partner. You may need therapy to come to terms with this beyond what Al Anon offers. I know I did.
His kids sound like they are a another problem. I am curious, how did the two of you meet and is there a significant age gap between the two of you?
Did the calls to APS only start after the wedding? If yes, they maybe are feeling their inheritance is being threatened. All you can do is document their actions, record every penny spent, and prepare yourself for the mess when your husband dies.
Lastly how is your husband getting the booze? Is he driving drunk to buy it? Are you buying it? Is he ordering it for delivery? Is there any way you can intercept it? As an alcoholic he cannot go cold turkey, but metered consumption may help.
Would husband be considered competent to make his own decisions? If so, not much the children can do. He is an adult and can make his own decisions. He can spend his money the way he wants. Seems you have been there for him when no one else was.
Unless his kids have loads of money they may not be able to pay the cost of a lawyer. So its reporting the suspected abuse to Adult Protection Services. They will investigate and if they see nothing out of the norm, the case will be closed. They maybe able to help you with some resources.
I agree, maybe it hurts him to chew. A trip to a dentist may help. His diet seems OK to me for now.