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I just discovered this resource: https://www.careyaya.org/

They offer more affordable caregiver services that may help.

We are not eligible to use their service because of my husband's PEG tube.

But yes, while everyone (including many on this board) constantly preach take care of yourself first... the reality is in order to do that, a caregiver has to have a back-up system and most people don't have one due to lack of resources. This is especially true where a caregiver needs a procedure and recovery time.

Interestingly, most of the people who preach it would never offer to help you achieve that goal or help find resources.

If you have not already, check with your regional Council on Aging for possible respite grant that may help or suggestions of other possible funding.
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Sigh123 Jun 22, 2024
Thanks so much for the information, Greatly appreciated!
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Your LO is in good hands. Take care of your own medical needs, now.
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Sigh123 Jun 22, 2024
Thank you for your response. It was very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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Have you considered possibly trying to get rehab for yourself in the same facility? That would at least cover part of the time you need to be down.
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Sigh123 Jun 22, 2024
Thank you for your response. Your suggestion was a great idea, and greatly appreciated.
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I would definitely take care of my medical needs first. You lo will be taken care of and perhaps you can explain to them you won't be around for a while due to surgery but will call and write. Unless you absolutely don't trust the home they are in the person should be ok in your absence.I dunno but maybe this helps. Good luck!
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Sigh123 Jun 22, 2024
Thank you for your response. It was helpful and greatly appreciated.
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I would take care of yourself! I know 2 months seems like a long time, but you deserve to be pain free! Do you have the means to hire a private patient advocate to help out in person or virtually during that time?
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Sigh123 Jun 22, 2024
Thank you for your response. It was helpful and greatly appreciated. I do have a husband, a sister and a cousin who will be able to help out.
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Now is the time for the family to step in. Ask them to help
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Sigh123 Jun 22, 2024
Thank you for your response. It was very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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Sigh123: Yes, I required hammer toe surgery, but had to delay it when I had to move out of state when my mother could no longer live alone. The condition is when one toe crosses under another toe and is very painful.
YOU are fortunate as your LO is in a nursing home.
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Sigh123 Jun 22, 2024
Thank you for your response. It was very helpful and greatly appreciated. My foot condition is hallux rigidus of the big toe. First diagnosed 5 years ago, and has gotten progressively worse. Extremely painful now, just like your hammer toe. Hope all went well with your hammer toe surgery.
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Sigh123, visit your loved one, explain to them that you are having surgery and it will be several months before you can return. Since you don't mention dementia, I am assuming this is a conversation that you can have. Then make arrangements with the staff to be able to have regular phone calls, zoom calls if they allow so you can see each other (or Facetime or Facebook video call), over the months that you aren't able to visit. This way, your loved one will know that they haven't been abandoned.

If there is an emergency, she is in the right place to get immediate care. Perhaps before you have your surgery, you could have a few friends who would be willing to be on-call if there was a need to get you to the nursing home or hospital asap. Of course, let them know you will pay them for their time. Of course, there is also ride services like Uber and Lyft. My son routinely drives people two hours to airports.

Take care of your foot so you can get back to caring for your loved one.
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Sigh123 Jun 22, 2024
Thank you for your response. It is very helpful and greatly appreciated.
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You have done a lot for your relative, but please also take care of your own health. Notify family members and the staff at your relative's residence about your upcoming surgery and the time off you will have to take. Discuss backup plans. Ask your relative's other family members to back you up while you are recouperating from surgery, if you cannot handle an emergency by phone. And there is also the issue of whether you'll need help during your recovery period. I hope you have friends and family that can help you out, if needed.
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Why not move the patient closer to you if you're the only one doing all the driving? Make things easy for you.
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Sigh123 Jun 28, 2024
Hello my2cents,
Thank you for responding; your input was very helpful and greatly appreciated.
Believe me, I thought many times about moving my loved one closer to me!! However, she has (had) many friends in town who were nearby and could visit her. This was important; it helped ease her transition from living independently to living in a nursing home.
Also, my loved one is on Medicaid, and I live in another state.
Moving her to another state while on Medicaid would be very complicated.
And, unfortunately, my loved one’s health is now deteriorating rapidly, and moving her is no longer being considered.
Thanks again for responding.
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Get your surgery. IF there was an emergency, the staff should get your loved one to an ER. The staff and the ER can always call you if needed.
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omg I'm so happy to know someone other than myself is struggling with caring for a loved one I myself is struggling mentally physically emotionally and financially I'm 77 years young driving 1hr one way daily to visit my son who's in a Rehab facility because of a traumatic brain injury it's been over a year now and its beginning to tear me apart my daughter has begun to visit him once a week that saves me one day I'm willing to work part time to pay someone to assist me 2 to 3 days a week so I can have my life back
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