My grandfather has recently been moved from a rehab unit to long term care. He has expressed to my family members that he wants to come home. He is vital and full of life. I'm concerned he is going to feel imprisoned and will mentally deteriorate being surrounded by people who REALLY do need to be in there. She states she cannot care for him and he needs 24/7 care which is not the case at all. I fear she is convincing the doctors that he has dementia. He is fully coherent when we speak and he has expressed he is ready to come home. My mother is moving across country for a job opportunity and I believe this is his wife's attempt to put him in a home since my mother will not be here. He recently had knee surgery which is why he was in rehab initially. It breaks my heart because my mother told him that his wife would do this to him and now its finally coming into fruition. She does have POA over him but she does not have the best track record with being honest and having his best interest in mind. Although a home health aide would be beneficial for bathing I do not believe he needs this 24/7 level of care. I have been a CNA for years and I know the type of environment he is in. He is going to go crazy being around people who can barely feed themselves and have full blown dementia. He is in his early 70's and I would hate to have him spend the rest of his time in prison. Please any information or resources I can utilize to bring him home would be greatly appreciated. I'm doing my part since my mother is in the process of a huge move and already has so much stress from the situation. Again any information would be helpful and greatly appreciated.
And good for grandpa's wife to speak up that she is not able to provide care for bim any longer. And yes, perhaps she needs assisted living or nursing home herself. Who has her POA's?
On the other side of the coin my Mom had been in denial that she could no longer physically take care of my Dad, we tried caregivers and she fired them, we wanted to age proof the house which she didn't want, etc. At this very moment my Mom is now in long-term-care because of her stubbornness trying to prove herself right. And Dad is at home now with caregivers helping him.
One suggestion, get him a medic alert fall system. They are either pendants to be worn around the neck, or a wrist band. If he falls an nobody is there the system will call him via an intercom system to see if he is alright and if he needs help up. There are two types of these systems, one that senses the fall should be become unconcious, the other requires him to push a button to call for help. Problems with both? Getting them to wear them.
Anyhoo, an update.......
We had a family meeting (my mother, myself, my sister, my grandfather, his wife, his sister, and his niece) with the social worker, head nurse, and his nurse. Basically we were informed that he does not have dementia or any signs of dementia. Their biggest concern is he is a fall risk. He has fallen once since his knee surgery and that basically places him at an elevated level of risk. His wife gave concerns to his nurse about not being able to transfer him if he does fall again and thats when the whole long term facility placement came about. He does not need assistance with any of his ADL's. He dresses, showers, and feeds himself. They stated that they administer the medication in that facility so he does not take them himself. It seems the main issue is his wife being capable of his care which is monitoring his walking and limiting his activity. She feels that her own medical issues prevent her from doing such. It was suggested that his POA is changed since she feels she in incapable of making his medial decisions as her own health declines. She states she is about to lose her driving rights. A different POA has already been decided and we are going to start the process of recruiting someone to come by the house daily to assist with anything he may need help with. As soon as a home health aide is assigned he will be coming home. I thank all of your for your advice. Hopefully this will help others. When you feel as though someone shouldnt be in a long term care facility SPEAK UP. No matter how many people may tell you to just listen to the POA or "he must be there for a reason" JUST SPEAK UP. Ask for meetings. Ask for outside help. I reached out to the local Council of Aging and got great assistance from them. Now my grandfather knows he is not going to be staying in there forever and it gives him a piece of mind knowing we are doing what it takes to get him into his house with his dog so he cant enjoy his home. Thanks all again. God Bless!
It's so hard. I understand the emotional part of seeing a parent/grandparent placed. It's never easy. Maybe your grandfather isn't ready for it, but maybe he is?
That is the conundrum that pretty much tortures anyone in the situation you find yourself. The guilt is horrible. My mom has been in an AL for 4 years now. It never gets 'easy', just different.
I hope you find the answers and peace you need. Just my two cents.
You don't know what meds he's taking? Do you know what his diagnoses are? I hope all goes well. That's important information to have.
You should probably arrange for his doctor to script a visiting nurse and ot and pt to come to his home short term until he's settled. Also investigate a good geriatrics doctor who can act as his primary physician. Figure out how he'll be gotten there, who will accompany him.
Does grandpa have other specialists he needs to see periodically, eye doctor, audiology, dentist, cardiology? Make sure you get those appointments set up.
Decide if you'll have the aides take him to these appointments , or if a family member will accompany him, or call in to the office while grandpa is there.
Will in home help cook and serve meals, or will meals on wheels be called? Or will you engage a grocery to deliver once a week?
I'm going to assume that grandpa has signed HIPAA release, medical poa and financial poa to someone other that his wife, and is in agreement with returning to his home with help brought in. Make sure he's on board with this decision.
Also, a housekeeping service, or cleaning lady to change the sheets, clean the bathrooms and kitchen once a week is probably a good idea.
I hope that you and your family can make a good plan for your grandfather. Please let us know how this works out. We get questions like this quite a bit, from family members who want to remove an elder from a care center. So your continuing feedback on his progress will be a help to others.
Have you had any chance to go to his home and see how things really are there currently?