This is like trying to convince you all that the moon is made of green cheese.
I'm a caregiver for an elderly woman and live in a shed in her backyard. It's warm, has electric and internet access so it's not that bad, but the woman I care for is poverty stricken mainly because she refuses to stop paying on credit cards that have her completely broke every single month. I understand her wanting to be noble and pay her debts,but these are 30-40% interest cards and the hell of it is she believes she lives off of them. She pays each about $100 every month then in return gets roughly $10 in "credit" which is no credit at all.It's $90 going to them leaving her $10 at est each month. This month alone she'll pay close to $600 out to various companies and have an available balance of about $40 which is roughly what we eat on anymore. Almost every day we eat one Banquet TV diner and that's just about it. We have the occasional treat of bread or once in a while fresh fruit and vegis, but it's getting more and more rare.
Whats more is her knees are shot so getting from room to room is nearly impossible for her and she's in desperate need of a wheel chair, but the house is so cluttered she couldn't possibly get one through the house so she hobbles at a snails pace to the bathroom after she's already sat in her own stench for hours because she refuses to allow me to get rid of all the junk in the way. She says she'll do it, but I've listened to the same thing now going on 5 years.
The hell of it is is that I am not related to her, but her own kids do NOTHING for her and all 3 live within an hours drive and yet I'm the bad guy here because i have no income. I don't really mind that, but how do I get her to listen to reason?
She refuses to ask her kids for help out of fear they will put her in a nursing home so I'm forced to cover for her and myself, well, my own legs are shot and getting worse every day too. I have an undiagnosed disease eating away the muscles in my legs so i get around with a cane barely myself.
I could leave and stay with my own kids, but then what would become of her? Here I have relative peace and quiet most days out here in the shed alone, but over the years I have become a virtual slave to her because of some of my own issues I can't really divulge here.
I still can't get through to her to understand that she lives in poverty because of these credit card companies. She lives despite them, not because of them, but i can't get her to see that. How do I get her to see this?
I've offered for the past 5 years to clear the junk, but she refuses and it rips my heart out to have to wash urine soaked towels for her which is extremely embarrassing to her.. Where do i go from here?
I just want a way to convince her that remaining broke all the time and refusing to allow me to clean up the path to the bathroom is in no way in her best interest.
As for myself..Well, I too have a hard time getting around, but I'm still able to walk somewhat. 3 years ago I was selling scrap metal able to lift a stove over my head and now I have days when brushing my own hair is tough.
Realistically she IS my best and only friend I can never bring myself to betray. Perhaps in your eyes it's a mistake and perhaps it is, but I was taught to be loyal and to treat people the way I want to be treated. I'll respect her wishes as long as I possibly can, but there will undoubtedly come a breaking point when I can no longer do what I promised, but til then I'll keep those promises.
If I called anyone i know she would never forgive me plus there would be a good chance I would end up homeless. At my age and condition homeless has zero appeal. If i believed they could help her without removing her from her home i would call right now, but that old fear always returns.
I do the laundry and cook her meals and sit with her to calm her tears and fears. She drives me crazy, but she's the only person who gave a damned when I was out on my own with no place to go so long ago and whatever I have to do for her I will do, but one thing I will NOT do is to betray her trust under any circumstances.
I would LOVE to get her out of this house into an apartment without all the clutter, but she'll never part with her junk she's accumulated over 52 years here and there's no way I could ever move it now would I even think of dragging it all along.
In all of the piles of junk she believes there is a paper she can't part with..a paper that has the mortgage or an insurance policy long expired or even just an old photo of family that doesn't care about her.
it’s such a hopeless situation, but asking me to call protective services is asking me to betray promises I've made to her and I will not do that. I've done a lot of things in my life i regret, but I've been loyal to people to a flaw. You can't ask me to betray her wishes even if those wishes go against what so many believe to be right or wrong. They are her wishes and I'll continue to respect those.
But, ultimately, your actions are up to you.
I have to step back sometimes and realize what i think of as misery isn't misery to everyone else.
I think of these things.. Sure.
I think about people who are suicidal and society will spare no expense to prevent anyone from killing themselves regardless of how miserable their lives are. We'll stop people from ending a life of utter misery so we can say we made something better for them when we do nothing but prolong their misery. Is it really better to leave people in extreme pain than to allow them to end it when it can save society millions, save a LOT of needless pain and misery so we can claim the humanitarian label? Many people now get medical attention only one way..attempting suicide. If they don't attempt it they're left in misery, but the minute they try to off themselves society and the hospitals spare no expenses to keep them alive and then once the outwardly obvious crisis is over we send them right back to the very problems that put them in that situation in the first place...more misery, more pain and more thoughts of ending their lives until the next attempt. Ad all the time we measure misery by our own standards seldom asking what misery is to the person actually experiencing it.
For that matter some of you think a crisis is having to see someone else pick their nose or having to use cheap toilet paper instead of 'the soft stuff".. For that matter many now think their lives would just go to hell and crumble if their cell phones stop working..the same device that didn't even exist 20 years ago for the vast majority of the population of earth..
Misery is a relative term and pain is only pain if YOU are personally experiencing it. When it's someone else you don't know it's just someone else complaining and few even want to listen to it much less care..
I've given up any hope of our society ever getting back any of its real compassion because compassion now is just a word thrown about for a short period in late December. Once X-MESS is over we all go right back to our selfish, arrogant ways and do everything we can to get back any of the so called compassion we might have handed out in late December when it was fashionable to pretend to be compassionate.
Sorry..my cynicism is kicking in again.. The climate is so conducive to cynicism anymore and it is just to easy to be comfortable as an authentic, certified cynic.