How can I get Mom to wash her hair?

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How can I get Mom to wash her hair?

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Mom is in AL with mild dementia. She refuses to allow staff to help wash her hair while in the shower and says she prefers to do it herself in her tiny kitchenette sink. However, since it is becoming more difficult for her to do, she is putting it off longer. I have told her so many times, please let them help you in the shower Mom..you can put a washcloth or small towel over your face (she hates thought of water over face). I have asked different staff members to make this happen but nothing. Mom complains all the time that her hair looks bad and asks me to get her into the salon more often. Why would I pay extra for salon washing when she could have them help her in her own shower?
Any tips?? By the way, this discussion has gone on a hundred times since she moved there last year!! Aarrrgghhh!!!! 😝😄

Hygiene

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Is the salon expensive and can she afford the extra little indulgence? My mom was like yours, she always hated showers and preferred a bath because she couldn't stand water raining down over her head and face. For as long as I can remember it was her little treat to herself to get a weekly wash and set, if your mom is willing and able it is probably the easiest solution to your mom's hair problems.

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I'd give up on trying to convince her. If it's not working, I wouldn't continue talking about it. Let it go. Trained staff at my LO's Memory Care unit do a great job getting cooperation with showers and hair care. I think that sometimes those in a regular AL just aren't trained to do that.

If she can afford it, I might just pay extra for her to have it done in the salon sink. Her comfort and peace of mind is worth the extra money, imo.

You can also check out Dry Spray Shampoo to help freshen her hair. I use it as a root boost. They've come a long way and are much better now. Pantene has a great one.

Eventually, as she progresses, she may change her acceptance of getting shampooed in the shower. I'd wait on that. And if she complains that her hair looks bad, just tell her that it looks great.

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Oh I do tell her it looks great. And it's not me that brings up the subject. But, I do think I will find out how much the in-house salon charges & go from there. Her finances are so tight, and I am unable to work myself so it's tough.

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Oh, well, if the in-house salon is charging a lot, I'd be upset too. The places that I know are very reasonable and do it as a help to the resident. Some charge under $10.00 for a cut and style!

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Mom's NH lists charges as $12 for a shampoo and set, $14 if you add a cut and only $5 for a wash and blow dry (which most weeks may be all that is needed).

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It seems that she simply prefers to have her hair washed in the sink instead of the shower. You can tell her that a special beautician is coming to wash her hair from the salon and the staff can wash her hair in the bathroom sink.

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Take her to the salon.

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When I can't get DH into the shower, I use Aloe Vesta Foaming Cleanser and it doesn't need rinsing. Eventually he'll get into the shower again.

Some days it is just too much effort for them when they age, so I am learning how to work around that.

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Good grief. Send her to the salon. If you didn't know how much it cost then you never really considered it. Are you saying you are paying for everything, not your mom?

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I live at home with my mother and we solved this by making it an "outing" so that she could go to the salon once a week and have her hair styled. Her sisters were always going to their hair dressers and this made it special. It was effortless on her part and she gets to "gossip" with the hairdresser. If the facility doesn't have a salon, possibly you can find a hairdresser that does facility visits.

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My mom is simply horrified that the water will run in her eyes (has gulcoma) and in her ears. Wanted me and my sisters to wash her hair in the sink. So I bought a shampoo visor for a child from "Baby's are Us". It works perfect and she's no longer agitated about her shower and washing her hair because she knows water will not run in her eyes or ears!!! Talk to the care facility and ask if they would use it if you bring one in. It might work who knows. Maybe you could be with her the first time they use it just for support for your mom:)

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Older people are certainly difficult, but keeping our hygiene up is extremely important!!!! Have you had the talk about lice, bedbugs, or ticks?? Some center's have salon care on the premises where they can make appointments for their hair and nails to be done. But her health is at risk. The itching must be horrible!!

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Jc45liberty, couldn't help but chuckle a bit reading your answer...it is not THAT bad...mom gets the job done every week minimum. As far as speaking to her about bugs, she has dementia so most conversations go in one ear and out the other. She doesn't seem to have itching, it is more a matter of appearances. She has wispy fine hair and very little of it. It tends to flatten down to nothing if not washed more often. Then she complains that her hair looks awful every time I visit..but won't (or doesn't remember) heed my advice.

Fivets, I love that idea!!! Thank you!!!

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What I thought of is either taking her to a beautician where she can just lay back in the chair and get her hair washed and styled.

Another thought is, have you ever thought of getting one of those types of special chairs with the special sink installed in her home if she happens to own it? You can also invest in one of those portable hood dryers, you can get them for in-home use and some of the ones I saw don't have chairs attached to them. Some of them are standalone hood dryers and you can take them to any location and the person can just sit on any seat. These are usually around $300 from the last time I looked online to see what they run. I have a hood dryer that used to belong on the back of the special chair but it was screwed to a portable frame. It was obviously in a salon at one time, but when my friend went to clean out a building, it showed up at his house and it was gifted to me and I still have it and like it very much. My trusty hood dryer even has an extra socket to plug something in if I need to use that socket. Something like a curling iron or straightener usually goes in the extra socket, but I don't use either of those items on my hair. This over processes hair and dries it out to the point it breaks off after causing split ends so I don't use those items. It's simple, high heat damages hair, and I won't even set my hood dryer to a hot setting. What I like is setting the timer and being able to fully adjust the temperature, allowing me to use the cooler settings. Yes, I highly recommend hood dryers, every home needs one! Hood dryers are wonderful, and they always do a very good job. Anytime I use mine, I always notice there's a difference in my hair because I always notice that my hair looks and feels like I just came from a salon. I only wish I had that special chair with the special sink used in salons, there's always been something special about them, and I would highly recommend this idea for your mom.
Every woman likes to be treated special, and this is what I thought of immediately as you were describing the situation. This was an unmistakable solution that instantly came to mind and maybe this would be something your mom would look forward to. Every woman likes to have her hair done and what better of an idea than to give her salon treatment? I'm sure she would absolutely love this if it was properly presented to her in the right manner. I would definitely try this approach because every woman values her hair by nature

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I lived in my moms rehab for 2 1/2 months with her. Our room had no shower so I was not getting to wash my hair as often as I would like. I found dry spray shampoo added a bit of volume and kept my hair from being absolutely flat. That may be a quick easy solution for her to be okay between wet washings.

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The last resort would be the waterless shampoo. Not great, but better than nothing. Or maybe a bribe-"mom, if we get your hair washed and styled, then you can get an ice cream cone."

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I realize your mom is at a facility, but this might be an idea you could use.
I caregive both my folks at home, and for many reasons they both are unable to wash their hair. (Rarely my mom will do hers in a sink but physical limitations are making it quite difficult.) Last month I purchased an inflatable shampoo basin, so now once a week before I get them out of their beds in the morning, I set up the basin in each bed (and drain bucket beside each bed), and as they lay there, they get a "real" hair cleaning with warm "running" (from a pitcher) water. I make it like a little spa time.

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Granjan, the salon charges $14 for shampoo & set. The beautician is only there one day a week so it has been difficult to catch her. My sister and I typically do pay for mom's salon visits which happen regularly every 6 weeks and are set up 6 months in advance. These outings are an enjoyable day out with "the girls" including lunch and ice cream on the way home. So kindly refrain from making it sound like I am denying my mother the pampering she deserves. Mom's finances are watched closely to the penny in order to afford the wonderful assisted living home she lives in. She has dementia and is blissfully ignorant of all the work it takes for my sister and me to keep her content, safe and well cared for. My own health is bad. I have diabetes, spinal stenosis, 3 herniated lumbar discs and therefore am not able to wash mom's hair for her.
Today I ordered the face shield that was suggested earlier by a helpful person here. We will try that.

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"Why would I pay extra for salon washing when she could have them help her in her own shower?"

Because you love your mother and this is a small indulgence that she wants?

Can she afford it? Would it really be you that is paying for it?

My mom had her hair done every week for the two-and-a-half years she lived in the nursing home. She also had it dyed and permed every few months. On gift occasions her family gave her certificates to the salon. This was one of the things that made nursing home living pleasant for her. She didn't even need to put on a winter coat and hat and gloves and boots and get into a car! The salon lady came to her room and wheeled her in her chair.

The answer to "why?" doesn't have to depend on logic.

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Is there a salon perhaps in the AL facility? There is in my mother's and the hairdresser is extremely inexpensive. I give her a check at the beginning of the month for $35 and she washes/trims mom's hair on a weekly basis. Yes, it's a slight added expense but it is a great solution in my mother's case for just the reasons you're having a problem.

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CR0105...gees, I read these responses and cringe at some of them...some responders I have discovered from my own post have quite the know-it-all attitude or sit in judgment of others of us doing the best we can, and quick to criticize our best efforts. It sounds like you realize (I hope) that while dirty hair is an issue, it isn't going to attract some of the bugs mentioned...they have to be there in the first place, in the facility, or transported there for that to have to happen. We get my mom to the hair salon (which she does not want to especially go to) when it reaches the unbearable 1 month point. I am not able to assist her with personal care and neither can my father. But I too, thought like you, why put the money and time and effort out, especially when she doesn't particularly want to go, and it could be covered by the already costly home health aide which is $40 minimum for a 2 hour visit. So after one month without showering that we knew of, I made arrangements. A nurse came out the day prior, mom made some brief small talk and left the room (she is at home btw). The nurse observed her walking, doing steps, dusting etc and said you know what I would do? She'd let it go. Yes seriously, and said she had people go YEARS (I didn't ask specifically about hair). That sometimes something happens and then they wind up in the hospital and might be more receptive to help as a follow up. I felt reassured knowing that the world wouldn't come to an end and I more or less had an RN's blessing to not stress over this. But guess what: I went out for an hour or less, came home and dad said mom was upstairs taking a shower! Go figure. And the day before she had washed her hair. Let us know how the visor thing works out!

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Imb1234, my mom's facility is much more expensive and NO SHE CANNOT AFFORD IT.

HOLY CRAP PEOPLE! Do you think I am the world's worst daughter...if only you KNEW the whole story!!!!!!!!

Jeanne Gibbs, wow. Just wow.
"Because you love your mother and this is a small indulgence that she wants? "

REALLY????????????

I wonder why I come here for encouragement. It appears *SOME* can vent and get the advice & encouraging words they need.. But some cannot. How exactly do i pay the "registration fee"???? 😡😡😡😡

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cr0105, I haven't read anything here that sounded overly critical, certainly no vicious personal attacks (and believe me, that happens). Very few post here for any length of time and just get exactly the advice they want to hear, I have crawled away - stung - with my tail between my legs on more than one occasion. Remember that we are hearing from people of varying ages and from all walks of like, and consider also that many people will respond to a question without ever reading what others have had to say or checking for updated info from the OP.

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Well, maybe I am oversensitive but shouldn't we at the very least ASSUME that the OP has a CARING HEART?? And perhaps we could EVEN assume that they have half a brain.
Personally, I made THIS assumption: PEOPLE IN OUR SAME SHOES SHOULD BE COMPASSIONATE TO ONE ANOTHER.
Instead, I find that most jump to conclusions and spout off their first thought without considering how it sounds to the OP. Throughout this discussion, I have been *warned about bugs*. told how to wash mom's hair *myself* despite repeating myself that I am not physically able to do so, and then told in an undeniable way that granting this luxury to my mom is the proper thing to do out of love and duty.

I get enough of this kind of crap from others who have never been a caregiver... I didn't think I would have to hear it HERE.

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There is no need for acrimony on this forum. We are trying to help each other.

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Cr
My mom is the same- not even in her youth would she wash her hair in the shower but in the kitchen sink
She yells and scratches when staff wash it in the shower now and I've helped them so they know how to keep her eyes covered and not soak her ears
Before that I would just take a wet washcloth and clean her scalp as best as I could
It isn't easy and there's no criticism

I bought one of those wheelchair plastic capes which looks like a funnel but it was more nuisance than it was worth

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There is no registration fee to get compassionate answers. I think we all try to be helpful almost all of the time. We are human, we are caregivers, we often are stressed. All answers are not going to be wonderful. And sometimes tone gets lost when it is just written.

You said, "Why would I pay extra for salon washing when she could have them help her in her own shower?" This sounds like a logic issue, not necessarily an economy issue. It is not logical to pay for something you can get free.

And the majority of answers said, in effect, don't worry that it isn't logical. Just do it.

If in the original post you had said instead, "She goes to the in-house salon every six weeks, but that is all she can afford," I think you would have gotten a whole different set of answers. Mine would have been different, I know that.

I hope the visor thing helps a lot. That was a good, practical answer.

Keep posting here. Give us another chance.

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Maybe get a cheap salon like sink for your home , we got one
And installation is fast if source of water is near.aplumber or maintenance guy can install it

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Is there a salon on the premises? If so, talk to the director and ask if Mom can use the facility to have her hair washed by an aide or you. Explain why. Seems as the elderly get older their fears get worse, like a child. If this can't happen, there are things you can get for sinks that u can wash moms hair like in a salon.

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Here is what I was trying to discribe.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Drive-Medical-Adjustable-Height-Home-Bed-Assist-Handle-in-White-and-Black/17351608?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=1183&adid=22222222228001000072&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=40754241512&wl4=pla-78606804632&wl5=9003814&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=112354412&wl11=online&wl12=17351608&wl13=&veh=sem

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