It has been a year and a few months and I still despise living with my Mom most of the time. Hard to explain in a few words, but in general, I am living a nightmare and now have depression and I am stressed to the hilt and see no end in sight to this nightmare. I want the best for my Mother, but I want someone else to help now. I want my home and my life back!
so, the answer to your question is, no it will never ever get better. It will get worse and worse
Just as your mom is not going to get any better neither are you if you continue going on like this. I hope you consider some options so you can have your life back.
Here's the fact: it is what it is. Mostly, its your perception that makes it bad or good. Here's a fact: death is immanent -- for Mom and for you. Here's a fact: You are only your mom if you cant figure out how not to be her. My biggest problem with dads was boundaries. If he felt bad, I figured it was my duty to feel his pain. I didn't know how NOT to feel his pain. I would remember how he took care of me and small things he did for me (and things he did TO me) and it would just make it worse. Somewhere, God gave me a gift, because I I slowly slowly was ready to receive it. It was the gift of separation. It went through steps. People here would tell me to get some me time and I had no idea what that meant. But they knew what I didn't know so I faked it and did it. and little by little I started telling those people who said "let me know if theres anything I can do to help" exactly what they could do to help. And I kept praying (im not a religious peson, so I guess you could say I kept thinking of the universe and how big it was and how I could fit into it without carrying around so much weight) How it was possible for me to trust that someone else, even though they might now do everything my way, could do them and that I wasn't the boss of everybody. And now, being honest with myself, I understand that I have always and will always be a caretaker. Ever wonder why its us and not one of our siblings? its because we are caretakers. some people are and some aren't. and as soon as I pulled back from dad, I found myself caretaking in other arenas.
this journey is a long one, but you can learn so much about yourself. and gain peace from it all. Heads up, shoulders down. You are brave and wonderful. breathe it in and keep going. I know you can!
First, set aside some time for yourself, RIGHT NOW, whether it's going out or just shutting your bedroom door and being alone. Read, listen to music, craft, sew, or go outside and garden.
"Take yourself outside your situation" by imagining the kind of things you would do now if you had no responsibilities to your mother. Then think how you can re-integrate those activities into your life by decreasing what you feel you need to do for your mother.
I've recently decided to use a combination of meditation and daydreaming to create a more pleasant mindset that allows me to do what I have to do. I imagine myself gardening, teaching again, things that I used to do and enjoyed. This occurs first thing in the morning, and I don't get up until I feel relaxed and able to tackle the day's tasks.
If you need to fix breakfast for your mother, perhaps you could put together a meal the night before and she can just microwave it. If she can't or won't do that, fix a sandwich that she can have, or maybe set out cereal and a bowl. Begin helping her help herself (unless she has advanced dementia, which is a different situation).
Get Meals on Wheels to cut down on the lunch and dinner prep. Unless she has swallowing difficulty, take a break and get out of the house while she's eating.
We've just implemented MOW; the meals are enough for 2 meals so that's lunch and dinner taken care of. The relief of not being obligated to cook and prepare meals is palpable.
Start interviewing home care agencies; I've collected information from them at AAA Expos, but you could also just contact your local AAA or Google home care agencies in your area. Don't let Mom deter you from this task; she may feel a sense of rejection and claim you're not a good daughter if you want someone else in to care for her but tell her that it's BECAUSE you are a good daughter that you want the best care for her, and someone to help out will achieve that.
Think of everything that you do that could be done by others - hire the laundry, cleaning, if you can afford it. If she's a church member, contact the pastor to find out what their relief society will do - even just a visit will give you some free time.
But start right now and take some time out for yourself - just get out of the house and go for a walk if nothing else.
Good luck on this path; it's a hard one to walk.