Friend's husband-violent w/ Alzheimer's - placement question. Anyone have experience with this?

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Friend's husband-violent w/ Alzheimer's - placement question. Anyone have experience with this?

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Hello,
We are concerned for our friend, who cares 24/7 for her husband with Alzheimer's. Her social worker just told her that he can't be placed in a facility because he was violent with her a few days ago; and care facilities won't take him.
This social worker has reported him for elder abuse (we are in LA county, California). I am confused because I thought some facilities were designed to care for Alzheimer's patients who are potentially violent. She now feels that she can't hire a caregiver and/or have him placed because of this.
Please -- if any of you have experience or knowledge about this - please respond. We are a small group of friends who are supporting her, and staying on top of the situation. His doctor says he will do a psych evaluation, and may prescribe tranquilizers. There is added concern because of knives and other weapons in the home. What precipitated this latest crisis was an incident where he was trying to load a shotgun. The social worker said all guns must be out of the home by THAT DAY or police will come. This has been taken care of. But the violence came about partly as a result of rage over this action. I am treading a fine line of not wanting to trespass on privacy, but with urgent concerns, as I'm sure is apparent. Thank you.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Senior Housing Violent Behavior

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She can talk to his doctor and try anti anxiety medications.
They might take a while to work or it may take a little while to get the right dose and or medication.
It is VERY important that he have the correct diagnosis. There are other forms of dementia where violence is more common. With these other types of dementia medication can be critical.
I have a friend in some what the same predicament and she was told that if there are no incidents for 30 days it will be easier to place or transfer. If she is looking into facilities ask if there is a timeframe that would allow her to place him if there have been no incidents.
If there comes a time where she is in danger she MUST contact 911 tell the dispatcher that she is afraid for her safety. Explain that the person she is afraid of has dementia and he MUST be transported. Once at the hospital she MUST tell the Social Worker that she is not safe at home with him and he can not be discharged to home.

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Thank you Grandma1954 - she has said she will call 911 if she feels endangered again. Yes, telling SW she is not safe at home & he can’t be discharged to home makes perfect sense. Thank you very much!

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UPDATE: 7/6/21 Thank you again for all your answers. Wife now has 24 hour caregiver, through her insurance, and is looking at Board and Care homes with social worker. There has been progress, but nothing is totally resolved. Primary care doctor reported this to Adult Protective Services, and they are involved, although I can't say how.

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Thanks for the update!

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This elder would benefit from placement in a psychiatric facility to get the right regimen of meds. This sort if thing is best done in an in-patient settting with professional staff in a controlled environment (i.e., no weapons and no elderly, vulnerable spouse).

I would encourage your friend to call her doctor ask for immmediate emergency placement.

And yes, she should call 911 from outside the house if she feels endangered.

PS, I wonder if the wife is properly understanding what the SW is telling her.

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Thank you Barb - everything you said is very helpful & makes 100% sense. I know - the wife may not be properly understanding what SW is telling her. Thank you again. Catlover

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There’s a memory care facility in Thousand Oaks called Silverado that takes violent or otherwise difficult patients.

I concur with the advice that someone should call 911 and/or get in touch with his doctor and say it’s devolved into a life and death situation and that the doctor needs to help get the patient inpatient care at a geriatric psychiatric facility. There are several in the Southern California area.

It’s good you reached out; it’s never a good idea to take one person’s word as law on these important issues, and there are more options than that social worker told your friend.

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Thank you Redcrush - there is a Silverado facility within a mile of where we live. I appreciate the information - and we’ll be conveying it to our friend. Thank you!

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If a violent person is placed in a Memory Care facility, he threatens the safety of all the other residents who live there! That creates a terrible environment for all concerned & cannot & will not be tolerated, for obvious reasons. It's the goal of any MC to have all the residents safe from any kind of harm at all times. Your friend's husband has to have his behavior under control before most MCs will accept him, and that requires psychiatric evaluation and medication(s), most likely.

Having weapons in the house of a person suffering from dementia is a real recipe for disaster. It's good that those weapons were removed from the home.

I hope your friend can get the help her DH needs and that she can remain safe as well. Calling 911 is always a good idea if/when she feels threatened.

Wishing you all the best of luck.

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Thanks lealonnie1 - appreciate it!

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I care for my mother with dementia. She becomes violent when she has a med change or has a uti! Maybe have him checked for something such as that. The uti makes her physically and verbally abusive and the problem I have is I can tell when she has an issue but nothing will show until she's had this for several days to a couple weeks. I've had to child proof all cabinets, I've turned down the water heater, I've had to put key to locks ( key to get in key to get out) on the main doors and have placed locks on the windows so they only can be opened partially. And after I cook, take the knobs completely off and hid. I know with my ma, there's always another issue other then her dementia that causes her outburst of anger. Maybe have him checked out for a uti, or pneumonia or something else, it could be the reason for the violence, don't know it that will help but good luck

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Thanks Cinnerwags! He is being checked for a UTI now.

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Such an unhelpful social worker. Your friend shouldn’t hire an in-home caregiver due to the liability. The facilities like to see “no violence” on the record, which means a psych evaluation ASAP, either outpatient and suitable meds, or inpatient. My advice is to hospitalize him and your friend has to leave him in the hospital until the social workers deal with finding him a placement. If he’s on Medicare, the hospital social workers WILL figure things out, but not until your friend is firm that she is not bringing him home. Period. Putting him in the hospital is the best course. He’s a danger to himself or others, that will be enough to get him admitted or committed, through probate court if it comes to that. She needs a good private pay social worker to advise her and handle this. My mother is now in a wonderful care home, located by our private social worker, but we only managed that by going the route of hospitalization first, transfer to a horror nursing home by hospital social workers and then a final move to the dream care home. Good luck to her. She needs all the support she can get.

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Thank you for your answer. Yes, he does need a psych evaluation ASAP. Wife is now waffling on idea of placing him outside home. We'll see.

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My uncle had Lewie Body Syndrome and was violent to his wife. They were able to place him in a memory care facility and medications helped calm him down.

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He may need admission to a geriatric psych unit to deal with his behavior problems. Once his behavior is modified with treatment, he most likely can be placed.

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Friend's husband-violent w/ Alzheimer's - placement question. Anyone have experience with this?

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