Ok. My father passed a few months back. Step mom in declining health but ok. Lives alone but soon will need much more care. I've noticed a lot of secret conversations and code talking when I am around mom and sister and brother in law. I did ask if she had power or attorney or signing on checking account and she said no. But I did find where she has had a credit card for years that my dad paid each month. Also finding out about cars, gifts, etc..etc... paid to them and grandkids. I assume everything from dad went to step mom but there has been nothing official and when I ask cautiously I am brushed aside. I am definitely not the dominant one in the family. My feelings lead me to believe that they have been siphoning money from them for years under pretext of not working and financially strained. Now I feel they have somehow turned my step mom against me as it relates to finances. I am the one that drops everything to travel 2hrs to help her when needed for doctors visits but then told they have it under control when all is calm. I am not money hungry but I have been shafted several times and just want to know where we all stand. I also want to know and make them accountable with my dads money. I feel as though they will get my step mom to just rehearse something to me so I don't want to approach her. I know if I get tough and approach others it will certainly strain relations. Don't I have a right to know? Do I have any legal grounds should it get there to demand an audit back x number of years to see what money was there and what is there now? What if they did get POA but it was abused? Who would decide that?
I know this is a book but I am just trying to get some solid understanding on matters. thanks
POA: ends at death. Then the Executor takes over. Neither a POA or an Executor is allowed to share information.
My husband and I have 5 children combined from previous marriages. We've been married now some 30 years. At age 84 he's under hospice care and I am his fulltime care-giver. When he passes, his 2 biological kids and brother will divide a $100,000 investment account that's been set aside for them. We haven't shared that arrangement with them because years ago at a family meeting we brought up the topic. They concluded somehow that they would receive that money right after that meeting, and they've been angry ever since.
I've been told to manage our finances assuming I'll live to be 100. I'm 80 now. If any money remains in 20 yrs when I die, it's to be divided equally among our 5 children. So it seems to me you might ask the sibling you're closest to their info about your Dad's estate plans. Prepare to be called greedy. To take care of yourself, expect to receive nothing.
I took my brother to court about this when our mother died. It became a multi-year emotional drain. Most of Mom's $ went to lawyers and I received some $7000. It wasn't worth the emotional strain, because I ended up sick and the chase kept my adrenaline high all those months.
Best of luck. Try to build the best possible life for yourself with your own resources.
In my experience as Personal Representative (same as Executor) for my mom's estate,
I kept my siblings--the other heirs--informed through the whole process. No confidentiality required. Disclosure may not be required, either; but I think I'd share your suspicions if they seem to be so evasive.
Perhaps their mom or her family had assets before (or even after) she married your dad that they are trying to keep you unaware of just so you don't feel entitled to them.
Either way, you have a legally enforceable right to know what went with dad's estate, so get an attorney if you want to know.
Having said that, it amazes me what families turn into when there is money involved. When your father died, did you question the will at that time? I agree that all of the assets/money probably went to your step mother. All of the other stuff that happened really has nothing to do with the money after he died---he had been paying the credit card when he was alive, gave cars & gifts when he was alive. Whatever the reason was, unemployment or financial strain, your father did those things voluntarily, and confidentially. It is/was really none of your business what your father gave your sister/BIL, or under what pretext. Your statement of being "shafted" several times without any examples certainly suggests a "money hungry" attitude.
If all the money went to your step mother, she doesn't have to be accountable to you or anyone else, or explain how she is spending her money. If she wants to give all her money to your sister/BIL/grandchildren, that is her prerogative & there is nothing you can do about it. You don't say anything about being concerned that she won't have enough money for her own care or what she is going to do when she requires more care. You certainly didn't say anything about the possibility of her coming to live with you when she requires more care. Your post focuses on your father's money, which is now your step mother's money, and that fact that you didn't get any of it.
If you want to know about your father's will, what happened to all of the assets when he died, who is writing checks & how the money is being spent, go directly to your step mother and ask her. I would suggest that you consider how you'd word your questions----something like "I am concerned for your future and if you have enough money for your own care as you get older. Have you consulted with anyone to plan for that? Do you have a financial plan in place for when that happens? Have you appointed a POA to handle your money in the case you aren't able to?" How much money she has, how much money was left to her by your father, how much your father gave to your sister/BIL/grandchildren should not be part of that conversation, because it really is none of your business.
If you want to know how much your father gave your sister/BIL/grandchildren, that is an entirely different conversation. Be prepared to be told that it is none of your business, to buzz off or be completely ignored. That conversation is one that comes from a place of "You got more than me & I didn't get my share, so I want to even things up". That is a B-A-D thing to do. You don't know what your sister/BIL/grandchildren's financial situation was when your father gave them money, cars, gifts, etc., so it is not your place to judge.
The answer to your question "Don't I have a right to know?" is NO, you don't have a "right" to know anything. If your father & MIL intended for you to know what was going on with their finances, they would have made that clear by including you----but they didn't. I think that is what you should be questioning---why you weren't included in the financial planning from the beginning.
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