My parents have moved in with us and although they can't live alone, they need only a little assistance right now. My dad is a fall risk, having had two back surgeries in the past two years. My mom has early dementia, with short-term memory problems. I want to establish a relationship with a care agency so that I can call on them as needs develop, and have arranged for a four-hour visit once a week for now. However, I'm not sure how to keep the helper busy right now. Any suggestions for our first day?
Your first day will be a walk through of the home and getting to know the CG. Sometimes, even in a short period of time, you'll immediately know if your parents get along with the CG.
Days will differ.
Sometimes moms helper does her nails and toenails - some days she just has enough time to help wash her up and switch my laundry - some days they pack a picnic lunch and go for a ride to a park or by the ocean - reads to her - does crosswords - plays games and does craft projects. Takes her outdoors for a stroll through the neighborhood - helps my mom find new books on tape or makes a calendar of birthdays (to help her remember special dates) and helps her choose gifts online and then they tell me what they chose for someone so I can order it.
Moms helper is a family member but even so i wanted her to know more about Mom so that I wasn’t constantly in the middle of them getting to know each other - so I made a folder with all sorts of ideas and lists of “all things Mom” anything like she has 3 grandchildren and their names - things she liked to do before and after her stroke - almost like a little bio so they could ask her about them and they were things I knew mom loved or meant a lot to her and it helped her open up to someone else - and allows them to get to know each other so I didn’t feel like I was always having to be in there giving ideas - games and tv shows and movies she likes - some of her therapy worksheets and then even things like ask or remind her brush hair or set up her toothbrush.
With an agency I was always getting someone new and having to repeat the same stuff - so just sitting down and making a list of a little info on your parents and their likes and then a list on things that you feel they could help you with it will allow them in any downtime to say “hey you have laundry I can help with”? Or ask your parents anyone up for a card game. Do anyone need anything at the store. Any prescriptions needing pick up. Do you have any birthdays and want to write cards out - It allows the helper to ask you and your parents things - that maybe even you forgot about in a busy day. 😊
After 3 unsuccessful aides, a wonderful woman came. After 2 hours, I called the agency and asked for Lorraine full time. She has been with us for a year and a half.
We have a list of things to do, mop, vacuum, laundry, etc, split up over the week's time. She pretty much does as she pleases, although I do try to get her to slow down on the housework. My house as never been neater, and my husband looks forward to her arrival every day.
Maybe freezing some sandwiches?
Portioning out oatmeal? Anything else that can be easily made and frozen, that would take some pressure off of you?
Best wishes to you and your family.
Avoid doing things in the areas your parents use so that help is primarily taking care of tasks you did not have before parents moved in. Laundry, deep cleaning of areas, meals would be the biggies that I can think of
IF the agency allows less time/day, shoot for 2 hr twice/week or 1 hr more days/week. As they get used to having the aides around and a routine can be established, you can increase the time as needed.
Many times I have made 1 or 2 hour visits . We also do not get paid 12.00 (Agency charges 26.00)
Agencies also can not guarantee the same person each visit. This causes immense confusion with dementia and Alzheimer's individuals.
Gold luck
As a caregiver; I'm concerned when i go into homes that I'm nor confused with a housekeeper, so please realize keeping us busy can include time socializing with your loved ones with cards, tv, games, helping them do their exercises or look at photos. Splitting the shift would probably work best for a happy medium of chores versus companionship imo. Hope that helps.
1. I put together a caregiver notebook with information about my parents and instructions. For example, fairly early into her Alzheimer's, my mother became very random in her snacking. I starting buying fruit and nuts, and the caregiver was instructed to fill a snack bowl I put in a place my mother would likely go to first. My father wouldn't admit he was a fall risk in the shower, but he started allowing them to stay nearby when he discovered the joy of someone else drying his back. I shared how much my mother loves to be outside, pick flowers, and arrange them. So walks around the block with instructions to the caregiver of where to find vases went into the instructions.
2. I put together a "memory box", filled with small objects from trips, cards from friends, and postcards of favorite art. Sitting with the caregiver discussing what was in the box was something both parents and the caregiver greatly enjoyed.
My grandmother liked having "a girl to give me a bath" once a week. She would have been embarrassed to have help from a family member. If your dad is a fall risk, he should have someone to help him.
Caregivers are also trained to help the people they care for with social and intellectual stimulation. They can find activities to do with your parents - crafts, walks, puzzles... That can be a great blessing to you and your parents.
I wrote an introductory document about her family members, career, interests, favourite places to visit, significant life events and such, for the agency.
My mother likes plants and rooted cuttings over the winter. I’m going to set up potting soil and planting cups on a patio table so they can work standing or sitting. Perhaps growing pots of herbs or flowers would help engage them. Making art together? Like some folded heavy card to draw on with art markers as greeting cards. My mother still writes letters to a few friends.
I have had to remind her repeatedly that she needs to speak up if they suggest doing something she doesn’t like, instead of coming to my house after they leave to blast me. (I live next door)
We’re off to a rough start and I’ve explained over and over that it’s all happening to keep her safe in her own home. I prefer her safety to my own popularity. Hopefully the waters will soon smooth.
I share all of that as a way to show that I learned it is best to prepare your LO(s) for receiving assistance from "paid professionals" and engage them in the process as they are able. Check their (& your) expectations and revisit every two weeks, like an evaluation of sorts. This helped my LO feel like she was the "supervisor" and had some control over the situation. Ultimately, my LO moved to a senior campus, but thankfully we had these experiences and can share with you and the others here.
Good luck and keep up the good work with this chapter of life.
I have a daily list of "must do" items and suggested items to be done.