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My gram is going to kill me with her way of life. She is spoiled by the life we had. I have been dealing with this for 7 years once my mom, her daughter passed and a few years ago I lost my dad to cancer and that took years off my already disabled life but I'd do it all over again for he was an angel. Now my gram at 94 broke her back so she ended up living with me. I the only one left and She is still here with covid and her house being inhabitable is why shes been here for 10 months a few more months than anticipated. We had no idea she had a broken back we though it was sciatica because she failed to tell us age fell because her floor is covered in magazines at that time since then we've managed to get a lot of her house clean. not at all easy with shot lungs. It has been (lord help me) total hell. We her POA and we are just trying to get her home now because she was deemed competent by the hospital and her doc. I am not good at communicating with her and she antagonizes me. Is highly manipulative, a true actress! so she gets away with everything and the finger gets pointed at me or us I have lost both my parents and I've always been financially taken care of with an allowance even when I worked. Now I'm stuck. I am disabled but not collecting and she gives me my allowance and is how she works me. I'm a puppet. I have on camera her physically slapping and kicking me. No one cares because shes so wonderful to everyone but not me. I am not well. No one will take her so pretty much I have to send her home. And hand the car keys back. I haven't yet because I want to see her drive first. I never thought I'd have to do this and never will I again. I have taken care of all sorts of people with issues and ages. This is hell. Always telling me how to do everything and with no income or disability benefits I am stuck. Yesterday she freaked out because I had to check her taxes and payments etc. She cried out of nowhere saying it's not my business yet as poa, her attorney and tax preparer stated I have to make sure it's in order and sent correctly. That was all and it was a whole day of ridiculous things and how she hates life etc. my other half and I finally got it through her head that we were told to do so. Lord. Everything is like this with her. She's been waited on hand and foot. She ignorant of what she's doing to us. I just know I can't do this anymore and I've given up years of my life to get her back to norm. She is lucky to be walking and is in better health than my partner and I. He's also POA. I am so drained. Depressed and now add covid. She's thriving as we are dwindling down to nothing. Any suggestions for me and my other half ... much love. Jo

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You say you have video of her kicking and slapping you, so use it to change your situation and improve it for all involved. Report the abuse and have her removed from the home and placed into LTC, whether she wants it or not. If that doesn't work, then the next time she falls call 911 and have her taken to the ER. Do the research in advance to find a facility for her and have the hospital transport her directly to the LTC facility. Or, if she hits you again, call 911 and have her removed. Don't allow her back into the home, but to the facility which you've picked out and can pay for. If you are drained you are being a doormat. No one can drain you without your permission. Educate yourself on your choices and move on. The only person you can control is yourself. If you don't act in your own behalf, no one else is going to rescue you. If you stay stuck in that awful situation, that's on you. Your gram already lived her very full life and you still have much to live, so don't worry about her. I wish you courage and success!
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I cant see how old you are, maybe I missed it? Look into getting your disability first,, get the ball rolling on that, then into getting Gma back into her own home as her medical team thinks she is fine to do so.. it's on them when she falls again, and then off to the hospital and do a Geaton 777 says,, let it be their problem. And by the way,,when she goes to facility,, NOT ON YOUR DIME,, she pays or they get her qualified.
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Save the videos of abuse. Next time Grandma goes off the rails call Emergency 9ll and have her transported to the hospital. Once there you will proceed with what is called the ER DUMP in that you will speak to a Social Worker and tell her Grandma cannot come home, that you live in fear of her and that you have videos to prove it. Do not listen to their nonsense about how they will help you and you can do this together. They won't help. Refuse to take her home. Tell them they will have to seek placement for her or discharge her home, but whichever they do it is theirs to followup. If you have POA or any other legal powers over grandma then attend an elder law attorney and resign from this. Let the state take guardianship over grandma and take care of your own life thereafter. She should be on her own, or on the State, not on you. Then proceed with taking care of your own life and needs. If you don't do this, Jo, then you are making a choice to do as you are already doing, and the responsibility is yours.
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I was in a Simi situation and recently had to leave. I was tricked into being the caregiver to a manipulative person and everything fell on me. I won't go in a long story but after her false accusations I called 911 when she fell after falling so many times and had her go to the hospital and I left. Yes there are things I wish I could have done differently. I would advise you to make it clear to her and the hospital that you can no longer care for her so they don't try to bring her back and have them call social services
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Jo, you have all the facts. You just gave them to us. The choice is not your grandmothers. The choice now is yours. You will have to make it. Good luck. Do realize that this is your choice. I am not saying it is an easy choice, but it is fully yours, within your own power. As I said you do have all the facts. You told us she is ignorant of what she is doing to you. You are absolutely correct. Please place your grandmother, or realize that not doing so is your choice. Will she fight you and cry? Yes, of course. It is worth mourning what life does to us in terms of change we do not like at the end. But it is a fact of life; we have no right to take everyone else down with us.
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I agree with these individuals.

It is unfortunate that your Mom is at this stage. Get professionals to help her. We have people living into their 80s,90s and 100s, now.

Enjoy your own life, while you can. No amount of sacrifice on your part is going to change the fact that your parents are dependent and unhappy.

Make better choices for yourself.

Donyah

Donyah
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