My father's doctor has recently had a doctor take away his license by sending an official report to our state DMV that he should no longer drive. The doctor cited cognitive and a nervous body condition (a physical body 'twitch') as the reason. This was 2-1/2 weeks ago. My husband and I tried to broach the subject, but dad had a minor tantrum.
We are going to have the conversation today, because of the 3-day weekend. I don't want to tell him, and then the next day have to leave for work with him upset.
Any suggestions of the best way to handle this - and I know, I probably should have told him this when it first happened.
Thanks for any help.
I suggest using the doctor and the DMV as the bad guy. Show him the report, and agree with him that it's not fair, but that's the law, and there's nothing to be done but to obey it. Don't make yourself the enemy by explaining that he doesn't drive well anymore. Just tell him that if he drives, he will go to jail or have to pay a huge fine. Tell him about all the arrangements you will make so that he can still get where he wants to go.
Is there a familiar policeman or lawyer that could act as an authority figure to explain what will happen if he drives? Is he forgetful? Can the lawyer say that he will appeal the decision, and then do nothing? Then you can tell him that the courts are so slow, etc. That won't work if his memory is still good, but maybe....
You weren't wrong to delay this conversation until a good time for you.
I want to get my husband and me tested for driving ability. He's still really a good driver, but people have scared me about my/our liability in case of an accident with a "demented" driver at the wheel. I am struggling with how to approach it, because he still IS so good. One thing to take the sting out is for both of us to be tested at the same time.
The recommendation from his doctor was to get him tested, not to stop him driving, but I'm still procrastinating because I know he will be upset even to be tested.
2. A twitch or tremor usually does not stop someone from driving. Bad judgement, vision deficits, spatial perceptual deficits are the more mportant factors usually.
3. If YOU think it is obvious enough he should not drive, then yeah, just take away the access to a functioning car and blame the doctor if and only if it comes up. If you think he should be tested, that he might in fact be OK behind the wheel, tell him you have good news and bad news and its the same news, namely they could have but didn't take his license away permanently, but they say he's got to pass a test. And you didn't tell him right away because you knew how upset he would be. And when/where would he like to get the test done?