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You know him better than we can, so what are your thoughts on his expressed intent? If he given to threatening or making frightening statements, perhaps for attention, or is this the first time?
If the former, he may be in the class of people who threaten to get attention. I know of someone like this. Expressing suicidal threats gives them attention, which they need and want. But if he's in the latter class, follow the instructions of those who advise you to seek immediate assistance, i.e., 911.
And if he's overwhelmed and overcome by this loss of freedom, start trying to help him realize he now will (presumably) have chauffeurs. After a while, my father began to realize how much more he could enjoy our travels as he watched the scenery while I watched the road.
Perhaps you could think of a very scenic route in your area that you think he'd enjoy, and make an event of it, stopping for cider, donuts, dairy queen or more healthy meal. Pamper him; help him to become accustomed to being chauffeured.
For our elders it is one loss after another. And for some, the attachment to driving is a big one and a huge loss. The truth is that there have been many losses and there is going to be nothing BUT loss now, and that is what is dawning for your Dad. Many elders truly would rather be dead than go through this. But like the Dorothy Parker poem, they cannot find an easy way. So you MUST know that this is a serious threat. You Dad should see someone. I don't know if he has dementia, or what level, but this is a terrible loss and the depression can be very bad, very deep, because there is not a lot of upside to this story. To tell the truth I don't know why severe depression is not the norm in our elders. It's hard enough for me at 77 and of sound mind, still able to go on quite long walks, to see and contemplate the losses, and the losses that are ahead. Do let him know that you understand how he feels. Let him talk about it, explain what for him is the worst of it. Don't negate what he feels. Tell him you can understand how he feels. So sorry. For your pain. And for his pain. Let us know if you find anything that can work. I hope time will make this loss less acute.
you have to take threats of suicide seriously. Did you ask him point blank if he meant it? Confront it. Be there with him in a real way with your heart. Empathize with his loss of freedom, because that's what it is for a senior who loses their ability to drive. Be there with your heart and find out if he's serious. If you think there is the slightest chance he is, you need to make the call to report the threat. Get him some counseling.
If he threatens suicide, take him to the nearest ER and have him Baker acted. That's an involuntary psychiatric hold for up to 72 hours, pending re-evaluation, and it can be done on a regular floor of a hospital if the hospital does not have a psych bed. Remain calm and let professionals handle him.
Report it to his doctor, record him making the threat, call 911.
Seniors act surprised when they lose their driving rights, even when they have friends and family who have already lost their license. Why they do not better prepare themselves? I have no idea.
My hubby has Alzheimer's. His brain is broken. Put a brain that can't plan and add trying to get around and you can understand. My husband never took a bus or taxi in his life. Now he has lost all planning abilities.
This is so tricky, because you can't really "call his bluff" on suicide if he is serious :(
If it were me and MIL, I would first have to look closely and determine if it's a real threat, or a sort of toddler tantrum she's doing to try to get me to cave and let her drive. In our case, threats and acting out are a very, very common tactic :(
Also with her, after she was told she couldn't drive, she tried to get others (neighbors, friends -- who weren't in the loop and didn't know this wasn't allowed) to let her drive . . . help her find keys, etc.
Calico, you call thier bluff, by calling 911 and reporting their suicidal threats. An ambulance and the police will come to the house and they will not take "No." for an answer and off to the hospital he goes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If the former, he may be in the class of people who threaten to get attention. I know of someone like this. Expressing suicidal threats gives them attention, which they need and want. But if he's in the latter class, follow the instructions of those who advise you to seek immediate assistance, i.e., 911.
And if he's overwhelmed and overcome by this loss of freedom, start trying to help him realize he now will (presumably) have chauffeurs. After a while, my father began to realize how much more he could enjoy our travels as he watched the scenery while I watched the road.
Perhaps you could think of a very scenic route in your area that you think he'd enjoy, and make an event of it, stopping for cider, donuts, dairy queen or more healthy meal. Pamper him; help him to become accustomed to being chauffeured.
Do let him know that you understand how he feels. Let him talk about it, explain what for him is the worst of it. Don't negate what he feels. Tell him you can understand how he feels.
So sorry. For your pain. And for his pain. Let us know if you find anything that can work. I hope time will make this loss less acute.
angelw43, does your FIL have any options to get out & about without driving himself?
If he threatens suicide, take him to the nearest ER and have him Baker acted. That's an involuntary psychiatric hold for up to 72 hours, pending re-evaluation, and it can be done on a regular floor of a hospital if the hospital does not have a psych bed. Remain calm and let professionals handle him.
Seniors act surprised when they lose their driving rights, even when they have friends and family who have already lost their license. Why they do not better prepare themselves? I have no idea.
If it were me and MIL, I would first have to look closely and determine if it's a real threat, or a sort of toddler tantrum she's doing to try to get me to cave and let her drive. In our case, threats and acting out are a very, very common tactic :(
Also with her, after she was told she couldn't drive, she tried to get others (neighbors, friends -- who weren't in the loop and didn't know this wasn't allowed) to let her drive . . . help her find keys, etc.
If the threat seems imminent (i.e., if there are weapons or pills he has access to) call 911 and have him taken to the ER for a psych evaluation.
Take all threats of suicide seriously.