I have a photo album with lots of photos of everyone in the family, old pictures and more recent pics. My question is, should I give it to my mom who has moderate dementia to look at? Would it make her upset to see the old photos or would it be comforting? I'm just looking for some opinions. This is all very new to me.
Many people lose their short term memory, but their long-term memory is pretty good. My mother thought it was 1944 for much of the last year of her life, and she not only thought she was still in high school, she FELT like she was 16 again. She was oblivious to all her ailments, and I was happy for her, even though it also meant she didn't have a daughter (me).
When my DH aunt was 90, I made her a new album with all the people in her family who were still living. I asked each person to send me a current photo of themself. Just a selfie. I included one of each person in younger years beside the current one. This way aunt had a better chance of knowing who they were was my idea. She spent a lot of time looking at the album. Unless they were someone she saw often, she really couldn’t identify them. Slowly she lost interest at looking at it on her own but enjoyed when someone came by who wanted to see the album. She enjoyed looking at it with them and hearing them say the names. The names were familiar, if not the photos. The album gave them both something to focus on. Later I added photos of both her 80th and 90th parties to the album which she also enjoyed. Amazing how many of the people who were at those parties are gone now. People much younger than her.
I would encourage you to take a calm moment and take a visit with her down memory lane. If you have someone who has a phone, ask them to video you and your mom looking at the album together. You could video her looking at it if she is able to do it alone. When you look at the video you might find it to be a treasure for your own memories.
And about being new at this, we all are as “this” is constantly changing. The main thing you need to know is that if you don’t take very good care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for her. Your life is speeding by as you usher her out of her own. Make it a good life for both of you for as long as you choose.
What a beautiful, important sentiment. Thank you.
You will know by her attitude what is best to do. Often old memories are the easiest triggered and often the more often triggering stories and discussion. To ME it sounds like a great idea, but you know Mom and her memories of her own family better than I.
Hope you will let us know what she decides and how it goes.
Elders love to talk about their past, so have ready a notebook to take notes, you will be glad you did.
I was so naive about dementia when I did photo-sharing. I showed my Gma a church photo with her late husband, and when she asked where he was, I told her he had passed. She said, "Oh. I wondered where he went." She took "the news" well and seemed fine. Still, it's something I'd do differently now. If I could go back, I would only talk about the photos in a way that would make her happy. But it's a treasured memory for me to have that experience with her of going over pictures, and I learned things about her childhood that I would never have known. It was very sweet.
I think you and your mom could have a lot of fun doing this.
I have also made refrigerator magnet photos for her to see when she scoots around.