Old friends of my dad have been calling and offering words of encouragement and prayer. I was asked if dad's surviving next of kin knew what was happening. I said I've been in daily contact with my uncle. I was then asked about my sister and I replied that we have not communicated in many years (all due to an ugly fallout she caused). She also hasn't been in contact with my dad.
I was told I MUST tell her. I felt somewhat offended because this person doesn't know the circumstances that caused the rift in the family.
I just wanted to hear from others who may have had similar experiences.
Just want to say I do believe in forgiveness. But I also believe you can forgive but not forget. You can forgive your sister for what she did but you do not have to welcome her back with open arms. You can still be leary. Forgiveness is for us anyway. My brothers, they did nothing for my Mom. I didn't like this but I forgave them for my peace of mind. I refuse to be mad at them for the rest of our lives.
sometimes, if one does nothing, or at least pauses a while and waits, things get taken care of anyway!
If the OP wants things patched up, he/she can do it. If OP does not see the need or benefit or doesnt want to do it, then I say, fine, leave it be.
what is the obligation to patch up other family members when you are already busy trying to deal with the dying of your parent as it is?
If not, then,
If they think she should know, why don't they do it? They don't have to call. They could send her a letter. If they need your permission to send her a letter, than can ask you that....
Provide sister’s phone number if you have it. Or her mailing address. Then tend to your own needs and those of your dad. You have enough to deal with.
Your falling out with your sister should not mean that you don't try to tell her that this may be a last opportunity for her to talk to her Dad (assuming he's in hospice). You wrote that she wasn't in contact with your Dad, but that may not mean he didn't wish to be in contact with her. You don't have to have a convo with her, just pass info like where he is located and maybe a number if his room has a phone. Leave a note or a text or voicemail, or even write snailmail.
I'm thinking of people I know who would have taken advantage of a last opportunity to speak to their LO. Regrets can last forever. It would just be a magnanimous thing for you to do. The only exception is if you know for certain your Dad would not want her to be there or you think she'd show up and upset him in some negative way.
As a parent of 3 sons, I can't imagine being on my deathbed wishing to continue to nurse a grudge or be stubborn about something relational with my child.
If the animosity is so bad then Zs60607 could have someone act as a buffer or Zs could leave for a bit and let sister have some time. OR use this time to try to heal old wounds. (call me Pollyanna!)
"Thank you for your thoughts (or ideas) but I have things under control"
If they persist say
"I'm sorry, I have to go" then hang up.
If they continue then do not even reply or say "sorry" just say "I have to go now" and hang up.
Lot's of people are great at running someone else's life and those are the ones that probably are not great at running their own lives. So ignore them.
Honestly if it is an old friend and they are asking about dad why not say..."Ya know dad would love a visit, I have to go to the store how about you come by on Wednesday for a few hours so I can get some shopping done." Wanna bet the calls will slow down.
Don't discuss anything whatsoever with them.
THIS IS NOT THEIR BUSINESS.