Sorry I’m advance for length of note…
My parents are 80 this year and they appear to have dropped a level of independence, that is heightened due to Covid. My Mother has moderate dementia and my Father is self medicating anxiety..as no counselor available for 1:1. And phone conference has not been beneficial for him.
The present issue is family dynamics. There are four girls in our family. And one sister in particular is more concerned about “ brownie points” then my parents health.
Us other 3 are working hard to keep our parents healthy while the “ ONE” buys them potato chips, chocolate bars and 4 boxes of cookies weekly.
She states no one can tell her what to do, even though a email was sent out for us to be careful with amount of treats.
I am POA for health, however my parents are not deemed incompetent. So I can’t stop this train wreck.
We have tried multiple times approaching our parents as a united kind front.
but the “ONE” bails everytime and acts like their life line..
help please🥲
With dementia, a person's taste for sweets increases dramatically. Why do you consider allowing your parents to have treats in their home a 'train wreck'? You consider your sister buying them what they like to eat an effort to earn 'brownie points' but have you considered that she's just trying to keep them happy in their old age? Are they suffering from diabetes or obesity, either one of them, that would make eating sugar dangerous? Covid is another pain in everyone's behind that's forced isolation upon us, so eating a bit of junk food is on the list for most human beings these days! The quarantine 15 is real.
If eating sugar is not dangerous for either of your folks, I'd leave things alone and let them eat what they want. With dementia, life gets SO horrible to begin with that it's hard to find joy anymore. I've watched my mother morph into someone else entirely with her dementia, so I bring her chocolate and cookies, too. If it kills her faster, GOOD. The quality of her life is shot to begin with, so if she can find joy in eating junk food, then like my DH tells her, eat dessert first. Long ago I stopped looking for ways to extend her torturous life, to be honest, and to just leave her in peace to do as she pleases. That includes not wearing her oxygen at night if it causes her more discomfort than it cures.
Yes, you and others may disagree with me but that's okay. If my children start telling me what I can and cannot eat in MY old age, they'll get an earful they won't soon forget.
Maybe you can reach an agreement with your sister to bring them 3 boxes of cookies a week instead of 4 and leave the rest of the stuff alone. To me, it's not worth risking the relationship you have with your sister by forcing your opinion on her. Plus, you said your parents are not deemed incompetent, so they likely know when to STOP eating said junk food & put it back in the pantry for another day.
Best of luck to you.
Can I have fudge on that please!
Can you get the doctor to write a note about decreasing their sugar intake and why it should be done?
Trust me, cookies are not a crisis.
Cookies never killed anyone unless they were massively diabetic, in which case there's plenty other stuff trying to kill them, too.
It makes me mad, b/c there are ramifications when he does this--mostly raging diarhea, which is gross and is painful for him--but he still eats whatever he wants.
My SIL is a GI doc and tries to have 'come to Jesus' talks with DH. DH doesn't respect SIL's advice and so he just is slowly killing himself. I did tell him that if he EVER loses a foot or leg to diabetes I WILL NOT care for him. He will go straight into a NH and that's that.
He thinks I'm horrible, but WHY should I have to suffer as a CG for someone who will not take care of themselves?
My kids don't give their dad candy and treats. I don't. He buys them himself. He could have a small amount eaach day but he has NO shut off valve--as witnessed by him eating 14 servings of candy in 90 minutes.
He was in the hospital for 10 days last winter to get his blood sugar under control and he did feel better as long as he eats appropriately. He refuses.
Yesterday he told me he was sick of my 'bossing him'. Well, by putting a healthy meal in front of him and not having any sweets in the house is 'bossing'--then I don't know what to do.
I'm lucky that kids are all on board with the 'no candy for dad' thing. I cannot control what he, on his own, chooses to do.
IF he had the slighest self control, I could keep treats in the house for the grands. But he will eat an entire box of ice cream sandwiches and leave the empty box behind--kind of a slap in the face of the younger kids who get a little upset when the come up from the downstairs fridge holding an empty box.
I think perhaps my question might have appeared that it was a mountain made of a mole hill.. however it remains a mountain. I’m retired nurse who knows what POA and all the laws that surround that position. Never ever have I asserted myself on my parents, all of their decisions are made by them, and I support them regardless if I agree or not. Secondly it saddened me to read some of the replies. I thought this was a supportive forum… my very first question was met with ridiculing, by some . Trust me my wording in the heading may have been dramatic choice of the word crisis.. I very well recognize a true crisis.
The situation is more about manipulation by one sibling not that I forbidden my parents about sweets.
I remain their daughter firstly, and in that comes respect first.
So Thankyou to the members that chose to guide me kindly.
But this is not the forum for me.
Wish you all the very best with your spouses, parents, family in general that your wisdom helps them through their journey.
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