I spent most of my life tending to trying do good in school and my career. I tend to keep to myself and not make too many acquaintances. What I have discovered in recent years is that large networks of people that I do know of, like friends of parents, sibling, extended relatives talk about others in great detail and I'm not included. In addition the information then goes to people I don't know at all!
For example, a few years ago my brother invited me out to see his friends. Some of his friends know people from our old neighborhood from decades ago. We met a couple of them and it was a good seeing them again. In talking with them one mentioned something connected to my work and it occurred to me - this person knows what I do for a living! Apparently he had met up with my brother before and that was part of their discussion. So this person knows what I do and somehow that information was "shared" with many other people! So the woman who lived two blocks away from me, who I didn't know at all "knew" me and knew what I did for a living becuse they knew someone else who knew what I did.
I find this almost hard to believe but it must be true - large networks of people are talking about others all the time. I guess many people are "in on it" but a small minority, like me, are not. Does anyone else agree with this?
Oh, and you wonder how this fits into eldercare? I currently have no one off-hand to talk too. I have a good friend but it's not a good time to speak with them, so I was thinking about reaching out to an extended relative who lives far away who I haven't spoken with in years. Well, my father mentioned the relative today almost like he was preemptively trying to inform me that this relative would not be a good person to talk to concerning personal family business. My guess is that my recent family issues have already done the gossip circuit. Unreal!
Isn't that narcissism when a person thinks that everyone they know is obsessed with them and their business?
My guess is that probably no one cares what Lisa gets up to one way or another.
THIS, this is the most ignorant and deluded comment of all the outrageous comments and posts you've had the audacity to leave to date, lisatrevor. To say that autism is 'very trendy and not something that I consider as real science' is over the top. My grandson is autistic and let me tell you something about 'real science', you wouldn't know it if it beat you over the head with a hammer. To say such a thing is to completely disregard science and the suffering real families go through with such a diagnosis.
SHAME ON YOU. I am reporting your comment and I hope the admins remove your post and prevent you from posting ANY MORE of your absolute nonsense on a forum that's serious and meant to discuss HONEST and REAL issues that caregivers encounter.
It's no wonder you have 'no one to talk to.' My condolences to your father and your brother for what they have to put up with dealing with you.
Came in to erase my reply.
It is an elder are topic in that dad is involved. The brother has probably been irrationally mean to Lisa, and she’s screaming at us to hear it. Hear her side. But it really doesn’t matter when it comes to the reasons why she feels she needs validation.
Leave your dad and brother alone, leave well enough alone.
Leave well enough alone is right.
I had a cousin who could not tolerate anyone having any information about her family, her job or home. She cut her brother out of her life for "leaking" the fact that she was purchasing a house to my parents (her loving aunt ND uncle).
When I talk to friends, I ask about how their siblings, kids and parents are doing. I think it's polite to show an intern other people's families.
Maybe your brother/father are proud of your success and were bragging about you.
You certainly seem to know an awful lot about your brother's finances. I have no idea about my brothers' financial situations.
Did you find that out through gossip? From dad? Or did brother tell you how much he has?
Maybe Lisa’s career had wound down before moving to dad, and she thought she’d regain a family manager status on the move, but then felt like she was being treated as a serf or whatever. Fights escalated, and now people Are telling friends and relatives that Lisa won’t be invited to gatherings, or that no one can deal with Lisa. She senses people are giving stay away vibes, and her reaction so far has been to look only at their part in it, get even more mad, and the cycle continues.
I might be completely wrong, but this theory would explain some of it.
Reading this person's posts, however, makes me think about something my FIL used to say: If you find everybody else in your world are behaving like a**holes, the problem probably isn't everybody else in your world.
"I tend to keep to myself and not make too many acquaintances"
There is nothing wrong with the above statement. My daughter is very much like this, she is not a people person. And because of this she lacks patience with friends faults. She has a hard time getting past them. Right now she has a friend that lives in her complex and they have a lot in common but the girl has this fault my daughter has a big problem with. So much so, she is backing away.
My DH has been deaf most of his life. It has caused him to be somewhat introverted. I find that, though very intelligent, he lacks some social skills because of his deafness. He can be tactless for one.
I see nothing wrong in an old neighbor knowing where you work. I agree with the scenario that brother saw this neighbor someplace and the neighbor asked about how you were and brother told him. And the woman u don't know? I can see her talking to someone who knows you and she tells that person "I am moving to such and such place." And the person who knows you says, "my old neighbor lives there (gives ur name) if you meet her tell her I said Hi" This is not gossip. Meaning of gossip:
"unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true."
I am with Mark here. There are different levels of autism. You can be very high functioning and have it. There was a member on here where her husband was very young but she was wondering if he could have the beginning of Dementia. He was pretty good at most things but there was this one area he had a hard time with and always had. I told her then, have him checked for autism. She told me she set up an appt for him but never updated us. So not sure if he was diagnoised with Autism.
I am trying to find a word to describe this problem. Maybe you have the wrong expectations about people. An ex: My GF over the years has called me for my Mom's sugar cookie recipe at least 3x. She was here visiting her Mom and had us over for a spaghetti dinner. She makes the best sauce and I asked for the recipe. "Oh, its just something I throw together. She was not even willing to tell me how she threw it together. Now, we numerous times have picked her up and members of the family from the airport. I asked her to show me how to do a simple crochet project she was doing. I am very experienced and would have picked it up immediately but I got "I'm too tired" I guess my DH wasn't tired when he picked up her daughter at 11pm at night at an Airport 30/45 min away and he had to go to work at 5am. No one called ahead to see if the time was convenient for us. So what it comes down to, you can not expect from others the same thing you expect from yourself. Yes, as u probably can tell, I still am a little pissed at my friend. My DH, says let it go. He never expects to get back what he gives and he keeps giving. Me, I realize I need to stop expecting people to be the way I am. Just do because I want to and expect nothing in return. If I don't want to do it, I am learning to say No.
😊
I say this with true humanity in my heart and total sincerity.
Find yourself a therapist because you need one. People talking to other people about their lives and families and jobs is called polite conversation. Your brother's friend knows what you did for work because your brother was making conversation with him.
No one is out to get you. I'm so sure that these huge groups of friends, family, and strangers don't all get together to talk about people including you but are also taking great pains to exclude you from the mass conversation.
Reach out to a therapist. Maybe even try that talk therapy texting with a licensed therapist.
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