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You have gone through personal struggles with alcohol and overcame them.

For this reason alone and the fact that your mother is still an active drinker you need to remain detached.

Alcoholics are often narcissistic & don’t care or are unable to realize the needs of anyone else.

If your mother at 69 hasn’t realized yet that she has a problem she may never admit it.

Don’t expose yourself to that behavior. It’s not fair to you nor your husband who has no doubt provided you with the support you needed to stop drinking.

Explain that to your sister. It’s time for someone else to pick up the slack.

Your sister can arrange for grocery delivery, county transport to doctor visits, home repair, etc. When she visits your mom she can make lists of what repairs need to be done and arrange them via Angie’s List or Home Advisor to get estimates, etc and your mother can choose what how she wants to proceed and make the decision.

Its self preservation for you. People are responsible for their bad decisions. Your mother is still young enough to recognize her problem; whether she does or not is not your problem. You recognized yours and deserve Kudos, and did so while you were caring for your in-laws.
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I think the first thing to do is a paper list in three columns – what your mother can do, what she can’t do, and what help she would need for the things she can’t do. For example, since I fell off the ladder, I’m not willing to get up on one to change a light bulb, I don’t have a lot of hand strength, and I have to look after my back, but I am capable of many other things. Ahmijoy has given you lots of ideas about transport and handyman needs, and that can include transport to appointments. Your mother is only 69, and may well be able to organise things of which she is not physically capable – particularly if there is no option.

Work on the list with your sister, and make a plan together when you can see the whole picture. Your sister can involve your mother in making the list, and both of them need to know that ‘help’ doesn’t include contact with you! That is better for your relationship with your sister than just saying no. It will also help your sister to see when and if alternative accommodation is needed.
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Then, in a word, don’t. You are a grown woman, right? Tell your sister that you and she need to discuss alternative placements.. or, alternative transports. Maybe her city has a regional transport. Ours does. All you need to do is call and schedule a pick-up. Ours even has handicap vans. Hand it off to them. Check it out on the Internet. Ours costs about $8 round trip.

Don't get involved if you think you can’t handle it. There are alternatives. Mom may have to adjust her schedule to fit the bus, but that’s ok. Mine did. And, there’s alway Uber and Lyft.

And, there are plenty of handymen and landscapers begging for jobs. Utilize them. But, check their credentials first. .
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Do NOT INVOLVE yourself in something you know you cannot handle. You know you cannot handle this. Have a heart-to-heart with your sister before you get involved with this and tell her you are “out of the picture” as far as having her come live with you. Be very forceful about this and tell your sister there’s no way. Offer to work with her to find other arrangements, but moving in with you is not an option. Don’t let yourself be walked on. Be strong. You can do this!
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Molly72 Dec 2018
Thank you, Ahmijoy. I don’t think my sister intends to ask me to move my mother in with me. Not at this point, anyway. I think it would be more about taking care of her house, taking her to appointments, that kind of thing. The thing is, I haven’t spoken to my mother in four years. The thought of doing so makes me feel panicked. Like a powerless four year old. And I can’t be around the drinking. I’ve worked too hard to remove it from my own life.
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