Hi! I have a real dilemma. My elderly parents live with me and my husband in a in-law apartment. My mother has had a stroke, brain tumor,Afib. And dementia. Etc. She is extremely difficult and there is no way to please her. Not nice to say but she is a narcissist. My father takes care of her24/7 . She is not independent but can make dinner. My father needs a pacemaker. She is making him feel guilty about it and mad and stating he’s not taking care of her. I have lupus. And can hardly take care of myself. My father needs a pacemaker and 4-6 weeks recovery. My siblings have bailed out because they know how it’s gonna be. My siblings expect me to do everything. It’s hurting my marriage. What do I do??? My mother refuses outside help. Can I have someone come into the home. Can it be forced and would have to be throughout insurance?
Basically, if no one is her PoA then no one can force her to do anything -- except the county when they eventually need to acquire guardianship if she remains uncooperative but needs to be removed for her own good. You are her landlord, and technically you can evict her and she can be escorted off your property by police if she doesn't respect the eviction. I know this seems like a horrifying prospect, if no one has PoA and your dad can influence her... you have very limited options.
Your profile says she became violent after radiation for her brain tumor. Is she under the care of a neurologist for this? Is she being treated for her agitation? If she's violent you cannot in good conscience ask any caregiver to put themselves at risk until she's under control with medications (if that's an option that has yet to be tried). And again, with no PoA she can fire them and kick them out of her legal residence -- your in-law apartment.
Does your father at least have an assigned PoA? He should before he goes in for his procedure. Your answers will be very helpful.
Geaton has good advice about POA and your mom’s treatment for the agitation. Your parents need help, but mom has to be calmer for it to work. My dad was hugely opposed to outside help, but when he saw there wasn’t a choice if he wanted to remain in his home, he got used to it. After a few months, an excellent helper we hired became a person he treasured
Not sure what you were asking about insurance in your last sentence, but I do not think insurance will cover any care for your mother.
Good luck!
Not getting help means you'll have to move them out to get them help.