Is this normal? I have noticed my elderly father has been oversharing more than usual lately. He was on the phone with a customer service representative today and the person asked him what his old address was, and he said "Oh that place was a drug den." (He meant it was a bad area to live in) but omg...I quickly yelled "Dad! Please don't say that!" and after the phone call I told him to stop oversharing with strangers on the phone since he's been doing that for at least 4 years now, gradually getting worse.
I know he's probably doing it out of loneliness but its embarrassing every time he does it. 6 months ago we had a roofer come out and check out our house for repairs, a simple question about how he's been turned into him telling this man that he's been feeling down because his (other) daughter got addicted to drugs and got into prostitution. The guy's jaw almost hit the floor and he was very uncomfortable - laughing it off and saying "Wow, that's dark. Sorry to hear that."
I had to explain to him after he left that people don't want to hear that, they are just doing their job. Why has my dad started to do this? It makes me worry about progressing Alzheimers symptoms or something. Like he isn't understanding social cues or what is appropriate to say anymore.
I have learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert in her field and does an excellent job of explaining how dementia changes our LOs, why their social filters break and how to better engage with them for a more cooperative and peaceful relationship (as much as possible). If you are choosing to be your father's caregiver you are in a journey together with him. Best to learn as much as possible and use this forum for it's wealth of information and support. Blessings to you!
I think the old description of "a second childhood" is still apt, as it helps me to deal with increasingly less adult behaviors and devolving in to fewer personal restraints. If he's chatting too much with someone in the grocery store, I'll re-direct him to the next item on the shopping list and away we go!
Yesterday he made a remark about some people outside the house, it was very, very rude, and I said something to the effect "if you say that outside, you can not come shopping with me", firmly, not exactly scolding, more of a "not nice" tone, and I think he understood, I hope.
They are honest about their thoughts and feelings just like a child saying they don't like their present instead of saying thank you.
I'm sure he means nothing by it and I'm sure whatever he says is taken with a grain of salt and I doubt the person he says it too really cares.
It's probably you that is really being embarrassed about it.
Just overlook it, as he probably isn't going to change as you mentioned, he's been doing it for years.
Deflect, deflect, deflect.
My calm in contrast to his behavior is helpful to the innocent bystander.
I hope to keep it together as mistakes get worse. I keep a card at the ready that says, "Hello The person I'm with has Alzheimers Please be patient. Thank you". I got one from my caregivers support group's leader but it's purchasable online.
Btw, in speak about inappropriate behavior with a group of caregivers one spoke about turning away from her spouse for 2 minutes in the vegetable section of the supermarket and found her husband standing by the hot food section of the deli department with a piece of chicken in both hands munching away. The rest of us were hysterical laughing and nodding our heads.
But when another talked about jumping out of a parked car for barely 3 minutes to grab a prescription, that had been prepared and pre-paid, she came back to find her Mom outside of the car in Wash DC screaming at black people - "We Love Black People". This caregiver is an especially shy person. We immediately envisioned the horrible situation and all were rolling on the floor in tears laughing.
You know how some might say that somethings, like a dog, or shoes are so ugly they're beautiful, there are somethings that are so sad, or so shocking and relatable that it can strike a funny bone with people in the same boat.
Most times it seems almost too awful to endure the constant nonsense, but behaviors must be looked at by taking a step back, sometimes several, detach and take a breath. Doesn't always work for me. Being in the thick of it every second of everyday is destroying my brain and control, but I tell myself this is a challenge that with practice I might come out of it a better person. So far he's winning half the time.
Add to all this is the problem of the fact that many of our elders are so lonely, and so wishing to tell their stories, that they are preyed upon by the nefarious callers out there seeking to tell them they have won a lottery in Nigeria if they will only send in the tax payment. So it can lead to problems.
I would suggest you stop worrying about his oversharing. People will sidestep that as you have already explained. Other than that they won't even believe the stories as it is unusual behavior for people to share such things. And if they DO believe them, honestly, so what?
So just see if you can monitor, get staging diagnosis, and set in place advanced directives and POAs.
It is an adventure, isn't it?
You can have cards printed up that say Please have patience with my father, he suffers from Alzheimer's, or something like that, and hand one out on the QT to a repairman visiting your home. That won't work with a phone caller, so you may want to get him off the phone by pretending you need his help or ringing the doorbell and saying he has a visitor.
Learn all you can about what to expect as his disease progresses. Get a copy of The 36 Hour Day which is a great resource guide for tips and questions.
Good luck!
Latest is while leaving the diner, and in saying bye to all her ‘friends’ on the way out, she she’s a man with exposed hairy chest, reaches out and touches it, saying he has a hairy chest!! He wasn’t surprised, but told her ‘to behave herself’.
Sure it’s embarrassing, and have tried talking to her about boundaries, but it’s over her head at this point. Lealonnie1 is absolutely correct - understanding social cues has vanished…..
Does your town have a senior center he can join? Or an adult day care program he can go to a couple days a week to get out and be around people?
I wouldn't be worried about your father's innapropriate over-sharing being embarrassing to you. The worry I'd have is that he's going to over-share information with scammers and end up getting robbed or worse.
Clueless. They’re was no reasoning with her.