No matter what we are talking about, she can find something to zero in on that is gloomy, or something bad that might happen, or someone else she has heard about that something sad happened to. Etc. It doesn't matter what we are talking about - she simply seems unable to stay on a cheerful topic for very long. I don't think she even realizes that she does this, but it really wears me down to the point that I have to brace myself for our visits. I don't think you can talk your way to being happy, but this certainly isn't helping her outlook at all. Can you help me understand why she might do this? How can I help her?
"What is wrong with you this morning?," he asks. "Why didn't you say, 'at least you woke up'?". I told him it was like pushing a rock up a hill... It keeps rolling down and it's not worth the effort. He is always unhappy, he always only sees the tough stuff and none of the good stuff.
He looks at me like I'm talking Russian. Then he says, "But I thought that's what we do. I LIKE it. It's a good part of my day." Now it is me who stares blankly.
"Go back out and let's try this again," he says. It reminds of when I'd mess up my times tables or have too many erasures on a book report in third grade. I go back out the bedroom door.
"Good morning dad!" I chirp upon entry. "How was your night."
"TERRIBLE, just could not sleep for longer than 90 minutes." He looks as peeved with life as he usually does, and I see he is taking this ritual seriously. "At least you woke up! In fact, you probably had five or six opportunities to say, 'Look at that! I WOKE UP,' so I hope you took at least one of them." We continue on the way we usually do, and I make no headway in getting him to come around to my way of thinking. Again, I am wondering what the point is. As I leave the room he says, "wasn't that SATISFYING?" and he is grinning. He LIKES THIS.
And the part of me that is just like my dad is resisting liking it too.
After being on this sight, seems we have a whole generation of folks like this.... few of us escape the negative and cynical.... takes courage to keep on doing what we are doing..... and I think we are lieing to ourself when we say it does't bother us, of course it does... only thing I can figure out in my experiance, is that God is asking us to pray more..!!!!!!!!! hugs to you all.
Almost every day this occurs, and it is kind of sad (maybe to her but not to me) that she does not have the power to be as rude as she wants, and it is a new power for me to "override" her objections with cheerfulness. Yes, sad that she cannot outwardly express herself, but I always stop, lean down and tell her that these simple things in life--speaking kindly to strangers, enjoying a lovely day, are the good things of life. I kiss her on the cheek and tell her I love her, then we continue. Sometimes she snickers, as Narcissists do, other times she tells me she loves me, too. This afternoon, I realized that after a lifetime of not knowing whether she loved me or not, it does not matter, because I know how to love her and others, anyway.
Today is my day to visit my mother. It's good to know others are going into a negative situation today. I don't say much anymore and just let her say disgusting things. She can't hear me if I answer so I have to repeat several times and sometimes the comment never gets communicated. It's not worth the effort.
Most of what she says is not important, a lie, or some sort of confusion. I just let it go. I do the laundry and clean the cat litter and take her for a ride in the car and go home. It's impossible to have a relationship with such a diminished and damaged personality.
oh yes, now get this!!! would u ever eat anything from some 1 who refuses 2 wash their hands? i know i won't. the elder never changes his clothes, wads up filthy socks & puts them in a drawer 2 re-wear, & handles the nasty floor he never cleans, then handles food/drink, dishes. he's offended when confronted, but i must stand my ground; eating something handled by some 1 who won't wash their hands is as bad as eating off the floor!!! i'm from a rich family who won't even dig anything back out of the trash. we have those high-class tendancies, & coming from such a background as i did, i don't want germs in ANYTHING that's meant 4 my mouth!!!!!
I visited my DP yesterday, they were the same, Mom complaining and focusing on herself, Dad was pretending he can't hear...it's limited to one ear but he hears good with that one ear, he's just smart about it! Me, I was playing hairdresser and manicurist, humming a song while Mom was yack, yack YACKing.
When I accomplished what I came for, checking in on them, bringing needed items, trying to be of good company, when I had enough we hugged, kiss and said ok, I'll see you guys next time, love ya!
And all is well.
Maybe your parent can benefit from the "Gratitude Game" discussed in this humorous and inspiring video.
Confessions of a Jewish Mother: