We try to convince her that she is home. She has lived there for 45 years. She wants to know why we keep trying to trick her and keep taking her to these fake houses that look like hers but are not. She knows her address and street corner but still belives in her soul she is not home. She is sobbing for us to take her home. we take her to our house for a visit then home but she is not fooled by yet another fake home. Her financial limits leave us in what we percieve to be a disfunctional and undirected medical system. We are at a lost. She had a seizure in November and this has come on since then. Before that she seemed good other than a few slight confusions or memory problems tha did not alarm us.
I agree with coach that it is a problem that her doctors should look at. What is causing the dementia. Could it be medicines, vascular accidents, or Alz? If it is something more permanent, e.g. Alz, does she have someone in her home to take care of her? johnhh, I understand the problems with the medical care system. Not having a good, reliable doctor that really cares about a patient is a problem. I would keep pressing to find out what is wrong. Then you will know what needs to be done.
Whatever the cause or course of her confusion, it seems like she is not able to understand when you try to tell her that she is home. When someone has dementia, it is unlikely that you will be able to convince them of something they don't feel is true. She may be remembering her childhood home or remembering her home as it used to look. Whatever the case may be, it doesn't feel like home and you probably won't be able to make her believe it. All it does is make both of you more frustrated
So meet her where she is. I'm sorry you don't feel comfortable here mom, but this is the best place for your to be right now. We need to make sure your home is safe for you to go back to. Your home needs some work done so this is where you need to stay for now. What can we do to make this place more comfortable. What do you love best about your home.
These are all things you can try to say to her. No guarantee that they'll work, but it's about responding to her feelings of not being comfortable and probably feeling scared. She's not going to respond to arguments or facts, but find a way to connect with her on the feeling level. This is hard to do and it's important for you to have support for yourself as well during this difficult time.
Coach is probably right -- she may be remembering her house of 30 years ago, or even a childhood home.
How about a creative story for her comfort? "There was a gas leak in the neighborhood and everyone has been evacucated. You can't go back until it is safe. Meanwhile, they provided everyone with this facimile houses. Didn't they do a good job of getting it just like your real house? Is there anything we can do to make it better for you until we can go back?"
Some people are satisfied by going for a drive and coming back to the house, but for others this just makes them mad and feel tricked.
This is a hard one! In my husband's case, it lasted just a few months. He mostly thought we were in either a train station, a school, or a hotel.
Best of luck!
As others have pointed out, and something I always say, she doesn't live in our world anymore, so we have to go to hers.....
And also the suggestions about getting her evaluated is essential.. there may be a med for her anxiety... or at least you would feel more secure about what you are working with... prayers for you and your mom...