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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Unfortunately, staying in their own home is not always possible for seniors. My heart desperately wanted to see things remain as familiar as possible for my parents. For months, I agonized about the situation, and consulted many many many social service agencies, service providers, and such. Regretfully, there were many factors working against my parents. Their home was very large, and very old. It acquired many safety hazards over the years, and required large amounts of money and time to repair. This was not an option, as my parents also acquired large amounts of debt, due to their failing health and judgement. They also had a huge yard to maintain, and a big dog they could barely care for. Mom wasn't feeding herself or Dad properly. They had driving issues; became lost, and had multiple wrecks, when they could no longer drive safely. Dad became angry and aggressive, and began wandering about the neighborhood, and into people's houses. (He could have been shot!) Mom had major depression, and addictions, and slept a great deal, and wasn't caring for her husband. They were constantly fighting, with one threatening to hit the other, and the other was actually doing it. Dad's behavior escalated, and cost him dearly; by being placed into a Psychiatric facility for stabilization, due to cognitive dysfunction. Because they had so much debt, there was no money to hire Caregivers. Their two daughters lived far away, and could not oversee their care, unable or unwilling to move their direction. Friends could only do so much. Their extended family helped some, but also had serious health issues. One daughter had her own debt, and had to work full time just to pay her own bills.
Dad behaved most inappropriately with neighbors, and with his own grandson, so moving in with us was definitely not an option. He needed 24 hour surveilence in a Nursing Care facility equipped to handle his growing issues. When they become a threat to others, family cannot always care for them, even when the desire is present.
Not many are financially able, emotionally equipped,or physically capable to give 24 hour care for another, even for a dearly-loved parent or spouse. And even it they were, burnout is a common symptom, often ruining the health of the care provider, due to stress, fatigue, isolation, and many other factors. Many are in the sandwich generation, trying to raise young children or teens. Trying to do both is difficult, indeed, and each generation feels the effects. Those of you who do it know exactly what I'm saying. So I defend and support you who have also had to seek alternatives to keeping your loved one in their own home, or live in yours. It is not possible for everyone, and we don't need to feel guilt if it isn't. Some people are just selfish, but that's a different story.
I applaud you if you can meet your loved one's needs in a manner they prefer. I applaud you if you choose to sacrifice your gifts, talents, time and energy in serving the needs and desires of another. I applaud you who do the best you can given the many options available. To care for another is no easy task. To sacrifice ourselves is no small thing. And it's not always acknowledged or appreciated. People have differing motives for what they do, and for the choices they make. Are we our brother's keeper? Morally, and Biblically, yes, ultimately. But how we choose to help another should not be dictated by the personal preferences, convictions or choices of another. Why, even the Good Samaritan sought the help of others. God is our judge. To him, one day we will all give an account. He sees the motives of our heart. His opinion is the only one that matters.
As for this dear person, lelanjian, who asked the question about their mother moving into an ALF, let's not be too judgemental. We don't know their particulars. I think lelanjian was asking "HOW," rather than whether to or not?
While two commenters made legitimate points about best case scenario arrangements, I know from personal experience, that is not always possible, and I don't apologize for my position or sharing my opinion. After all, it's just an opinion. Not everyone will agree with me. God bless you who do the best you can for your loved ones, no matter what you or they choose. Let's be a little kinder and more sympathetic to one another, can we?
Oh, BTW. Both my parents are doing much better after moving them from their home. We found some wonderful places for them especially suited to their particular needs. Dad is thriving in his new environment, and actually loves the attention and care he receives. And he's close by, so I can visit as often as I want, which has been a blessing to both him and my family. Mom's new physicians and environment have improved her health, outlook, social circle, and attitude (mostly). She struggles with many health issues, but is actually doing better than she EVER did in her own home. (Long story.)
So, please be sensitive to Caregivers and elders. What works for one, may not work for another. Just a couple more thoughts. Take care.
One of the discoveries made recently about dementia and Alzheimer's disease is that patients who can remain in their own home and stick with normal routines do better than those who are uprooted and forced to adapt to new places and new routines. The reason for this, according to studies conducted for the Alzheimer Foundation, is that Long Term Memory is not impacted by this disease as is Short Term (or Working Memory). It is difficult or even impossible for these patients to process new information (faces, activities, surroundings, sleep patterns etc) but with a little help and supervision, they are able to function by doing what they have always done, seeing what they are used to seeing every day, and interacting with people that they feel they know even if they don't remember names or roles. If there is any way to maintain her current situation by enlisting neighbors, friends, near-by relatives, and home care professionals trained in this kind of care, give it a try. Your mother is not resisting help as much as she is fearful of change. BTW-you might try short visits to Adult Day Care if offered by the ALF you would have her enter. Depending how far along she is in the dementia cycle, doing this now might help ease her fear of change. If she can meet with the same people for a few hours a day they will become part of her long term memory and the move--if really necessary--will be a lot easier on both of you.
Ezcare has made an excellent point. A move from familiar home surroundings for an elder, especially with cognitive impairment is intimidating and traumatic.
Interestly enough, the Dept. of Health recognizes this and has labeled it "Transfer Trauma" - and it is documented that moving these vulnerable elders contributes to a decline in health and wellbeing. Although we often like to think of our parents as being difficult, it is good to have a reminder that this is a huge issue that is often overlooked when family is pushing for a move to Assisted Living because of a family caregiver's burnout, need to work, or inability to take on the extra responsibility.
The site is for caregivers issues - and I have been one for my mom for almost 7 years, so no judgement is intended on anyone else's choice. But I have noticed that sometimes our elders - the reason why we are on this site do get a little lost in the discussion of "What to do with them". Take a deep breath and consider all of the options, not just the ones that are traditionally presented to us in our society. Care in their own home is possible even if you cannot do it yourself. Just a thought.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Dad behaved most inappropriately with neighbors, and with his own grandson, so moving in with us was definitely not an option. He needed 24 hour surveilence in a Nursing Care facility equipped to handle his growing issues. When they become a threat to others, family cannot always care for them, even when the desire is present.
Not many are financially able, emotionally equipped,or physically capable to give 24 hour care for another, even for a dearly-loved parent or spouse. And even it they were, burnout is a common symptom, often ruining the health of the care provider, due to stress, fatigue, isolation, and many other factors. Many are in the sandwich generation, trying to raise young children or teens. Trying to do both is difficult, indeed, and each generation feels the effects. Those of you who do it know exactly what I'm saying. So I defend and support you who have also had to seek alternatives to keeping your loved one in their own home, or live in yours. It is not possible for everyone, and we don't need to feel guilt if it isn't. Some people are just selfish, but that's a different story.
I applaud you if you can meet your loved one's needs in a manner they prefer. I applaud you if you choose to sacrifice your gifts, talents, time and energy in serving the needs and desires of another. I applaud you who do the best you can given the many options available. To care for another is no easy task. To sacrifice ourselves is no small thing. And it's not always acknowledged or appreciated. People have differing motives for what they do, and for the choices they make. Are we our brother's keeper? Morally, and Biblically, yes, ultimately. But how we choose to help another should not be dictated by the personal preferences, convictions or choices of another. Why, even the Good Samaritan sought the help of others. God is our judge. To him, one day we will all give an account. He sees the motives of our heart. His opinion is the only one that matters.
As for this dear person, lelanjian, who asked the question about their mother moving into an ALF, let's not be too judgemental. We don't know their particulars. I think lelanjian was asking "HOW," rather than whether to or not?
While two commenters made legitimate points about best case scenario arrangements, I know from personal experience, that is not always possible, and I don't apologize for my position or sharing my opinion. After all, it's just an opinion. Not everyone will agree with me. God bless you who do the best you can for your loved ones, no matter what you or they choose. Let's be a little kinder and more sympathetic to one another, can we?
Oh, BTW. Both my parents are doing much better after moving them from their home. We found some wonderful places for them especially suited to their particular needs. Dad is thriving in his new environment, and actually loves the attention and care he receives. And he's close by, so I can visit as often as I want, which has been a blessing to both him and my family. Mom's new physicians and environment have improved her health, outlook, social circle, and attitude (mostly). She struggles with many health issues, but is actually doing better than she EVER did in her own home. (Long story.)
So, please be sensitive to Caregivers and elders. What works for one, may not work for another. Just a couple more thoughts. Take care.
Interestly enough, the Dept. of Health recognizes this and has labeled it "Transfer Trauma" - and it is documented that moving these vulnerable elders contributes to a decline in health and wellbeing. Although we often like to think of our parents as being difficult, it is good to have a reminder that this is a huge issue that is often overlooked when family is pushing for a move to Assisted Living because of a family caregiver's burnout, need to work, or inability to take on the extra responsibility.
The site is for caregivers issues - and I have been one for my mom for almost 7 years, so no judgement is intended on anyone else's choice. But I have noticed that sometimes our elders - the reason why we are on this site do get a little lost in the discussion of "What to do with them". Take a deep breath and consider all of the options, not just the ones that are traditionally presented to us in our society. Care in their own home is possible even if you cannot do it yourself. Just a thought.