Dad moves at his own pace, s l o w. refuses to speed up says fear of falling-diagnosed w cognative degeneration Can understand fear of falling, he also has macular degeneration. Can't understand the hours in the bathroom. How do we control things here?
which is an incredible challenge, and thank Goodness have awesome doctor, but, Patience..with that?..... oh my...it is hard.
My Mom is basically immobile, she uses a walker and needs to walk very slow due to her not moving her body much in the past six years.
What I have discovered is Loving patience...oh Heavens to Betsy.. that is the hardest thing I have, as a mobile person, needed to understand.
People that are elderly or/and sick Need to move very slow.
My daddy, Bless his heart, always was on the move and then all of a sudden became ill, none of us knew what was wrong with him, one day he came home and told me and my mom that he needed Chemo... um...for what? do you have cancer, I asked...no he said, he said it was a treatment for an illness called Mylodesplasia..basically, his blood cells were not producing maturely. He would be out of breath and would fell a few times and got dizzy, the whole nine yards, this is a story with in itself,...long story about him, anyway he only lasted three months, thank God he did not have to suffer with this bad stuff for very long.
But, I was his caretaker a long with my imobile Mom.
Now that he passed away -Sept of this past year-
I take care of Mom
She goes to the bathroom and it takes time.
I did purchase some bars in certain areas in her bathroom that would help her be steady, she does use her walker..but she is very bent over and walks very very slow...
With your loved one taking hours in the bathroom, I may be in agreement with the person that posted earler, it may be some OCD, or
it could be some meds he is on.
At one time, my Mom was on some heavy drugs and man...oh man..it caused her to be really obsessive in the bathroom, she could not seem to "get it right" in her eyes,... one time, she wanted to look at some directions on some thing like hemeroid medication, I promise you it took thirty minutes for her to read it "just right".
I do not know what your loved one is taking, and he may Need to take this certain medication, but some of them cause them to be that way.
Bless their hearts, they just can't help it.
I know it is driving you nuts...... it did me, and with Mom sometimes, i just want to tap my foot and say anytime now! But, I cant, and wont.
So, my friend, how do you hurry them up more?
suggestions
To talk to them while they are in there..(if you are allowed in there) if not, post back and tell me you are not and I will help you through that one.
but, talk to them while they are in there..and say things like,
ok, now we are this.. direct them gently, lovingly, and calmly .. but you must be the leader and not a boss...
because I have been bossy and boy howdy that gets me no where.
I just say , ok now lets do this..and lead them thru it...
Please let us know if he is on some meds that are strong narcotics, I know from experience, personally and from my Mom that they can do that very thing.
I do not know if I have been of any help.. I sure hope so.
I look forward to your response.
This is my very post ever ...any where. on any website.
but, this website rocks as far as advice and venting...
Blessings,
Jannie
When you are with him, slow down.
When you schedule appointments, allow plenty of time to get ready.
If haste is absolutely necessary, provide lots of help.
Slowness may certainly be related to fear of falling. Other cognitive problems come into play also. There is a diminished ability to differentiate between important details and trivia. My husband (86, dementia) will carefully, slowly, button or zip his outer garment even though he is getting into the car in an attached garage and will unbutton or unzip it as soon as he is in the car. I've learned to allow for this delay in planning our outings. It is what it is. He is not going to change (he can't) so I have had to change.
Distractions are another delayer. I'll ask my husband to place some items in his travel bag while I go comb my hair. When I come back he is reading junk mail, and nothing is in his bag. Arggh! But he can't help it and he's doing the best he can. Usually I manage to be patient.
This is the new normal for Dad. Accept it. Help him accept it. Adapt to it. It is not going to get better.
Two years ago my mother fell while shoveling snow & broke her hip. She did not realize she was hurt & tried to stand up. She fell again & broke 3 ribs. She lives with us now & walks very slow with a walker because she is afraid of failing again.
My MIL has seen many of her friends lives permanently changed due to falls & she is afraid the same will happen to her, so she walks very slow also.
My wife & I have had to adjust our ways of doing things to deal with this. For example, when it is time for a meal we let them know 5 minutes before it is ready.
I think that God allows things to come into our lives to teach & test us. Most of my life I have not been a very patient person. Having our two "girls" living with us has taught me patience.
On the issue of spending a lot of time in the bathroom.... my mom spends a lot of time in the bathroom also. I think for her it is because she contracted a C.Diff infection while in a NH for rehab after breaking her hip. The C.Diff infection resulted in months of severe diarrhea on a daily basis. She is embarrassed by having to wear adult diapers & even more embarrassed when she did not get to the bathroom in time & made a mess. It is probably not the same situation for your dad, but I think my mom spends so much time in the bathroom because she is still afraid of having "accidents" on the way to the bathroom.
I agree with JaneB I just give her more time. WHEN daughter comes over she russhes her & yells to hurry come on mother.. My MIL calls her pushy & impatient..lol good luck
His hours in the bathroom could be a sign of anxiety. Has he ever been diagnosed with OCD? People with obsessive compulsive disorder (some people with dementia develop obsessive behaviors), tend to spend a lot of time in the bathroom because it's private and they relieve stress by repeating behaviors that others would question such as repeatedly touching an object such as the corners of a cupboard. This is harmless and he shouldn't be challenged unless he's in danger.
I don't know that you should worry about speeding him up. This is part of his cognitive degeneration and he doesn't need more stress with pressure to "speed up." He will likely feel less stressed if he's not pushed, even though it's natural on your part to want to speed him up.
I would recommend that he see his doctor again to ask about medication or therapy. Balance issues can be a sign of cognitive issues. He may even feel dizzy from a medication and not be aware that dizziness is the problem.
he bottom line is that he feels anxious and afraid for his safety - for good reason. Work with medical help and try not to pressure him.Pressuring him could backfire, as he can't help these feelings of fear.
Take care,
Carol