Mom and Dad have lived with us for over a year now. I can honestly deal with his Alzheimers better than I can deal with her annoying habits. I've spoken to her numerous times, and it seems to go in one ear and out the other. They've been married 63 years, so alot of it is just habitual behavior..."how long are you going to sit there?" instead of "come on to the kitchen with me." "You need to put on underwear(depends)" instead of just getting him some and maybe helping him put them on.....
"Oh my gosh, you peed in the bed again, and now Nancy will have to change the sheets," instead of just leaving it alone. He is hard of hearing, so any comment she makes travels through the house and straight to my nerves somedays. I love them and feel blessed to have had great parents, and now the means and opportunity to minister to their needs, but today is just a day where her voice is like nails on a chalkboard!
I have noticed that the elderly decline in chunks. If you are with someone on a regular basis, you may not see the decline as much as someone who sees the person less frequently. I became aware of my aunt's decline when she had a luncheon and invited a number of relatives. I hadn't seen her for a few months and I could see she no longer had the ability to organize a meal, set the table, etc for a larger group of people. You mother may becoming less able to care for your dad. She may not remember anything you're "telling" her. Try writing things down for her in a sequence. Like getting the Depends and helping your dad put them on. Praise or reward her when she succeeds at this.
Is your mother the main caregiver for your dad? Maybe she needs a break? Is there an adult daycare in your area? It is worth the money to give you a break for a few hours. Maybe just having your mom go would be good for her and you. Can any other relatives/friends take your mom to lunch or out for a drive? Sometimes just having a few hours of respite does wonders for our mental state!
As for you, is it possible to use an iPod on days when your mother's voice is particularly annoying? Even ear plugs can block out some of it or put on music. I dare say that there will be a day when your mother's voice will be silent so now is the time to laugh at how annoying her voice is and how much you will miss that voice - or not- once she is no longer with you. Sorry to add guilt but sometimes it helps to just see an annoyance from a different perspective.
I agree you are a saint!
Julie Q
Vent away! That is what this wonderful sight is for. Sweets, one day I posted about the noise level of her screeching and Cat posted about how sounds affect our freeze, fight or flight senses. It helped me alot to understand my reaction to her and why I was so worn out that day. No matter what we write about , someone has suggestions, answers and always support. Hope you use this sight to get some relief and some answers. God Bless.
A friend of mine told me that the elderly lose their ability to filter stuff out, I geuss they kinda get old people "Terets"? Lord my mom has it ! Then she'll be sorry...Lordy Lordy.
Sweets, Gods not punishing you or seeing what kind of load you can carry, this is just "Life" an we all made the decision to care for our parents. So we put our dreams, plans, lives on hold. We decided to do that (my rational) isnt that what the good Lord gave us "choice"?
I think you all are earning feathers for our wings!
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