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If you both are embarrassed about it, I would say maybe he needs a male figure to stand in there and help him...if that can't be arranged, then you should invest in a removeable shower head, one that you can take off the bracket and hand it to him to shower himself in the embarrassing areas. If he is capable of scrubbing his privates with the washrag, allow him to do that even if it takes longer. By letting him scrub and rinse his private areas, his dignity of showering himself will be be intact. Get a terry cloth robe to put on him as you get him out of the shower, it not only soaks up the water on his body, but it is also warm and soft.
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i was going thru the same thing . for a while my grandaughter would give him a shower cuz shes a cna . after awhile i join in to give her helping hand then from there i just took over .,
it did bothered my dad and i told him i have to do it or it ll get sore if i dont put meds on it . grandaughter cant come verytime . now i do it all and i dont think of it as embarrisment , i think of it as a job that needs to be done . just doit and be quick about it .
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I felt exactly the way you did,whenI started having to take care of my dad as far as the bathing and bathroom issues. He had so many scarrs from WW2,I never saw him ever without a shirt,even swimmimg and then KaBoom,I was having to see things I did not feel I should be seeing,as a daughter.At first,I protested,,cried etc.felt as though since I had 2 brothers they should be doing those things.They were pretty useless,got a woman to come in from Home health,she was there3 times a week. Daddy said she could rubb the hide off a mule,so as someone else said I jumped into caregiver mode,thats when I knew no one on the face of the earth could do as good as job as me,cause I Loved him the most.Instead of being embarressed I felt very good knowing if the tables were turned he would be there for me also.We had that kind of relationship.You do what you have to do when you need to do it for the ones you love.God presents us with opportunities to see what we're made of,It's your choice if you take it or not.
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Hi,
My father lives with me and has severe hearing loss(he can't understand what most Dr. are saying..but does not have any
mental disabilities)
and has
been batteling bladder tumors (cancerous) for 7 years. At first
I would leave the room or turn away but as the conditions worsened
and he had to learn to self cath (with my assistance) I had a conversation with him. I am his nurse now and it is no different from any other body part, we need to take care of all body needs. Also when he
goes to a hospital a nurse must check and care for him, this allows
him to be home and we are adults now and I will do whatever it takes
to keep him healthy. This conversation has made all the difference in
the world. Actually, when I got through my personal inhibitions and
moved into the caregiver mode of what was needed, I don't even think
about it. I am careful to be as private and all him dignity.
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Some people are better than others at this but try to act like it''s no big deal and let him feel like it's no big deal. Most of us had your parents take care of us when we were small your just completing the circle. Try to wash one body part at a time and keep the rest covered. Try to get as much as help as possible. If you can take care of your parent or parents it can be rough at times but there are rewards you well see. I do this 24-7 with my mom with some help from family but it's worht it.
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tell his doctor that he needs a home attendant who can help him to bathe every day because he doesn't feel comfortable with you.
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Sometimes just letting someone know that you understand that they're feeling embarrassed helps. When doing the bathing, it helps to talk, sing, whatever, to take their mind off of what is being done.
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A wonderful CNA who helped my Dad showed me how to wash him without him being embarrassed. She simply swtarted a conversation with him before she started washing and kept looking him in the face all the time, breifly glancing where she was washing. He would be preoccupied with what she was saying and not be uncomfortable at all. Try this technique on other body parts and you will btoh get used to it, them move on to more sensitive areas. It worked for me.
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Dear ksue5036, changing your mom's diaper, washing her bottom and feeding her IS normal in our culture if you are her caregiver. When I was a young girl, my mother was doing this for my granny. In a different culture, if your mom was unable to look after herself, she might just be led out into a wilderness and left to die or she might just be allowed to starve to death etc. Our culture chooses not to do this type of thing and instead we either become caregivers ourselves or pay people/institutions to provide care. If a person lives long enough, it usually is normal to require someone to change one's diaper, to do the spoon feeding, to wash one's body (including the "private parts") etc. This is what most of us will need before the end IF we live long enough. This is what is normal in our culture at the present time. As there become more and more elderly for society to care for in the years to come, this may not be the case. Who knows what will be normal then.
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This is probably a REALLY crazy idea and I have never had to try it yet but... Could you re-name the body parts? For instance, could his nose be named his penis, and his penis be named his nose; his butt could be his ears, and his ears his butt. This would make more of a joke of things and you both might become more relaxed. Or you might give his body parts new names altogether. Maybe his butt could be twins, Tom and Jerry; his testicles, Mutt and Jeff etc. or use some names that fit with the type of job he worked at when he was employed. If he was an accountant, for instance, his testicles could be "debit" and "credit" or whatever. Doing this type of thing might help you both relax a bit and turn wash time into joke time. Or is this just TOO crazy?
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