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Hi there,
First of all, thanks for reading.
About 15 years ago, my parents made my sister Power of Attorney, Power of Trust, which all siblings agreed to.
My brother, who is now 60, ex-drug addict, ex-alcoholic, has been taking from my parents his whole life. He's never had a "real" job, that paid into Social Security. He was a cab driver, then a paper delivery person, now an ice cream driver. All of that has been off-and-on, as he has dinner at my parent's house, even as I am typing this letter.
Okay, so both of my parents were teachers for over 35 years. They decided 25 years ago to purchase long term care insurance. Mom is getting very forgetful, wondering around, severe scoliocis, weighs around 85 pounds. We have her (finally) convinced to go into a cared facility, per doctor's suggestion.
My brother has manipulated her to change her mind, only to change her mind again, and again. He has finally realized that Mom is moving into the cared facility.
With my sister and wife, we have discovered almost $40K in credit card debt. She seems to have no clue, and gets confused/frustrated when we bring that to her attention.
My brother, has convinced her to let him "manage" her house (more like move in), while she is away.
Yesterday, while I was at work, my brother and mother delivered papers, notarized, saying that he will make payments to her of $650 a month to later use as a down payment to purchase the house in 2021.
He has zero credit, has a "job" of selling ice cream, has no way to get a loan for this house.
Mom has a second mortgage of around $170K. She owes credit card of around $40K. The house is worth around $370K.
My brother, not working during the winter months (ice cream truck), is with her all day, every day, an hour away. My sister and I work 10-12 hours a day. So, my brother can manipulate my mother's (descending) mind easily.
I want to give up. But, my sister does not. She said, it's not what our dad, or mom, wanted. That's why she was the Power of Attorney, and Trust. I am second. My brother, is third, because that's what my parents wanted.
Any suggestions?
My brother will squat as soon as he can in Mom's house. He has always done that, whenever Mom and Dad went on vacation, taking anything/everything he could.
Thanks for reading!
John

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Hi John. What a shame. I know too well how siblings can take advantage of elderly parents with dementia. It’s disgusting. I would contact an elder care attorney. They should be able to advise if you have any way of protecting your Mom. It’s a slippery slope because your Mom legally has the right to do anything she wants to do with her money. However, with the credit card debt that she is not aware of, that might be a leg to stand on in proving elder financial abuse. If you or your sister can gain guardianship then all this worry goes away as you’d make the decisions. Not sure yourr Mom is far enough along in her disease process for this though. I would consult with a lawyer. Find out what can be done. So sorry you are in this position and good for you for standing with your sister and trying to do the right thing. Best of luck.
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Cancel those credit cards. Change the passwords on the bank accounts. Freeze her credit with all three credit bureaus.

as POA you have authority to do all this. Do it now.

once Mom has been moved to amcare facility, deliver a termination of tenancy to brother. State a move out date...and enforce it with a filing in court to get an eviction ordered if you must.

As for a supposed purchase of the house by brother...tear it up.

Hire an an attorney to assist you. You need to take action right now to get in the middle of all those before the financial damage is beyond repair. I fear what will happen if she ever needs Medicaid and all those "gifts" are on the 5 year look back. You can be sure brother isn't ever going to pay it back.

you could even report him to APS. Have the whole thing investigated by them. They might just bring charges against him.
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